***   JURASSIC LARK   ***

I spent my monthly disposable income on Jurassic Park the other day.  What a movie!  Even so, when I went to bed that night, I didn't expect to have my normal deadline nightmares replaced by a dream so bizarre and hideous that I left a message for Stephen King (book rights) and Steven Spielberg (movie rights) the next morning.  I can only assume that they couldn't get Tom Cruise to play me in the movie (probably some conflicting commitment he couldn't get out of...), because they never called back.  Maybe I should have called Mel Brooks...

In case you haven't seen it (yeah, right), the basic premise of the movie is that scientists extract dinosaur DNA samples from parasites who dined on the dinosaurs and then managed to become encased in oozing tree resin, which dried to form amber.  These DNA samples are eventually used to "clone" dinosaurs.  But... what if the premise were true, but applied to creatures other than dinosaurs?  What other life-forms could be pulled out of the depths of time by isolating their genetic material from whatever blood-sucking form of life preyed upon them?

Think of the potential!  How many different genetic blueprints could you pull out of the average lawyer?  An even larger bonanza of DNA could be found in the bowels of your average politician, of course, but who knows what bizarre mutations you might encounter from that source?  And what about insurance salesmen?  The potential is awesome!

Of course, it may be difficult to locate a lawyer completely encased in amber.  Many scientists consider lawyers to be too slick for any substance to adhere to them anyway.  And pre-historic politicians are almost always found encased in tar and feathers, if any remains are found at all.  So, although promising in theory, the acquisition of genetic material in this manner may be unworkable in practice.

Even if we are forced to work with miniscule garden-variety vermin, we can still hope to re-animate many forms of life.  A chunk of amber from the vast steppes of Asia may contain the genetic heritage of Genghis Khan!  Of course it is more likely to contain the genetic legacy of Gort, the horse pen cleaner.  Oh well.

But seriously, the next time you hear a pesky insect  buzzing past your ear, you may want to think twice before slapping.  That little blood-sucking varmint may be your ticket to immortality!  