+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ | THE KINGDOM OF LOATHING | +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ | QUEST WALKTHROUGH AND FAQ | +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ The Kingdom of Loathing is an odd little online game whose main intention seems to be mostly to make fun of other games that take themselves too seriously. It is completely free, and a whole lot of fun, so I'd recommend taking a jaunt over to www.kingdomofloathing.com and checking it out for yourself. The quests in this game, though a lot of fun at times, can be quite frustrating to complete. Often, they require you to complete a rather convoluted series of seemingly unrelated tasks to complete. This guide should help out those of you who simply cannot figure it out on your own. However, a big caveat here, I strongly recommend that you try to figure these out on your own first, since a large portion of the fun of this game comes from figuring stuff out for yourself. Only use this guide as a last resort, because it will contain HEAVY SPOILERS! +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ | Table of Contents | +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ A. Copyright Information B. Version Guide C. Council of Loathing Quests By Level 1c. Level 1 2c. Level 2 3c. Level 3 4c. Level 4 5c. Level 5 6c. Level 6 7c. Level 7 8c. Level 8 9c. Level 9 10c. Level 10 11c. Level 11 D. Non-Council of Loathing Quests 1d. Defend the Gourd 2d. The Untinkerer's Screwdriver 3d. The Pretentious Artist's Lost Pallette and Paintbrush 4d. The Crackpot Mystic 5d. *Mayor Zapruder* Tame the Bugbears 6d. *Mayor Zapruder* Summon a Mushroom Familiar 7d. *Mayor Zapruder* Defeat Felonia 8d. The UB3r 31337 HaX0R 9d. The Dolphin King's Map 10d. Hobo Jones' Map 11d. Most Extreme Haiku Challenge 12d. Obtain a Pagoda 13d. The Secret of the Dungeons of Doom 14d. The Slug Lord's Map 15d. The Spooky Temple Map 16d. Unlocking the Castle in the Clouds in the Sky 17d. The Giant Castle Map E. Frequently Asked Questions F. Contact Information G. Special Thanks & Acknowledgments +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ | Copyright Information | +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ This guide is copyrighted by Brian Thompson, 2005. The only websites allowed to use this guide are: www.gamefaqs.com Please notify me (See section E. Contact Information) if you find any other websites using this guide, either in whole or in part. Many thanks go out to my clan, KoL Addicts (www.koladdicts.com) and to my real-life friends who play this game for helping me figure out some of these quests. +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ | Version Guide | +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ v 0.1 Starting Version, not posted. v. 0.5 All Council of Loathing quests finished. The next version will have the non-Council quests in it. I also need Sorceress strategies for all classes besides Disco Bandit and Sauceror (the two classes I've beaten her with). +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ | Council Of Loathing Quests | +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ 1c. Level 1 Council of Loathing Quest: Toot Oriole "Welcome, Adventurer. Your first order of business should be to complete the training offered by the Toot Oriole. He lives atop Mt. Noob, in the Big Mountains." This should be a fairly basic quest to even the most inexperienced of players, but I will detail it anyway. Below is Toot's text telling you what to do and my explanation of it. FIRST VISIT TO TOOT: "You have much to learn, young one. Go ye hence, and adventure. I'd suggest a few runs at Cobb's Knob, and the Haunted Pantry. Come back to me when you're marginally more experienced. Be sure to equip your starting items (from the inventory screen) before you do." Basically, the easiest way to make sure you've done enough adventures to satisfy Toot is to level up once. This shouldn't take you more than a few adventures at any one of the locations available to you at the moment, but for the sake of Toot's second request, I would suggest Cobb's Knob, since it seems to yield slightly more meat than either the Haunted Pantry or The Sleazy Back Alley. When you have gained a level, return to Mt. Noob and Toot will give you his second task. SECOND VISIT TO TOOT: "Welcome back, young one. Now that you've gotten your feet wet with the whole adventuring thing, I have an assignment for you. Return to me once you have amassed 30 Meat." For the completely uninitiated, meat is the currency of the Kingdom of Loathing, and you therefore need it to buy things. Like I said before, just pick a location and adventure there a couple of times. It shouldn't take you too long to get to the lofty goal of 30 meat. Once you've gotten that much, return once more to Mt. Noob. THIRD VISIT TO TOOT: "In the Kingdom of Loathing, Meat is used to purchase things. Go to the market, and purchase some chewing gum on a string. Bring it back to me." The market is located inside of Seaside Town. Find the proper store and purchase the chewing gum on a string as per Toot's request. Return to Mt. Noob. "Excellent work, young one. Chewing gum on a string can be used to fish things out of the sewer near the market. Give it a shot when you're back in town. In the meantime, please accept this headdress as a reward for your progress." He will give you an Oriole-Feather Headdress, a 15-power hat. Since you've got nothing better, you may as well equip it. To get Toot's fourth request, adventure some more until you've amassed 100 meat. Once you have enough, return once more to Mt. Noob. FOURTH VISIT TO TOOT: "Welcome back, my disciple. It is good that you have returned, for these are trying times -- I have broken my favorite action figure. Make some meat paste (in your inventory) and fix it for me -- you are my only hope." He then gives you an Action Figure Body and an Action Figure Head. In your inventory, go to the Miscellaneous page. Down at the bottom of that section, you'll see that you can make Meat Paste. Make 1 Meat Paste, then click the "Combine Items" link that has appeared at the top of your inventory. From that screen, select the Action Figure Body and the Action Figure Head in the two separate drop-down menus and hit the "Combine" button. Once you are in posession of the restored Mighty Bjorn, return to Mt. Noob to recieve Toot's final request. FIFTH VISIT TO TOOT: "Joy of joys, my disciple! Thank you for repairing my precious Mighty Bjorn. Meat paste can be used to combine other items, as well. Spend some time playing with it, and see what you can make." "And now, for your last assignment, go fetch me a nice-looking twig for my nest. The Hermit probably has one. Buy a Hermit Permit in the market, and visit him in his mountain abode." "Give him this, in trade." Toot hands you a Worthless Trinket. These otherwise useless items, along with Worthless Gewgaws are the items The Hermit will take in trade for his items. Go to the market once more, and this time purchase a Hermit Permit. This item allows you one-time access to the Hermitage, where you can trade with The Hermit. The Hermitage is found in the Big Mountains, so go there with your Hermit Permit and Trinket, and trade for the Golden Twig. Once you have this nice twig, return to Mt. Noob for the sixth and final time. SIXTH VISIT TO TOOT: "Ah. This golden twig will do wonderfully." "With that, I bid you a fond farewell -- you no longer need my guidance." "Take this certificate, and visit the Council of Loathing, in the Seaside Town. They will instruct you further." He gives you a Certificate of Participation, which you can proudly set up at your Campsite. QUEST COMPLETED! 2c. Level 2 Council of Loathing Quest: Spooky Forest and Your First Familiar "We require your aid, Adventurer. We need a mosquito larva. Don't ask why, because we won't tell you. In any case, the best place to find a mosquito larva is in the Spooky forest, which is found in the Distant Woods. We'll mark it on your map for you." Go adventure in this newly-unlocked location until you find a mosquito larva. Once you are in posession of this odd little item, return to the Council. "Thanks for the larva, Adventurer. We'll put this to good use. Have some Meat for your troubles." Despite this message, you get to keep the larva. Thus, the 500 meat the Council gives you is best spent on a FamiliarGro Terrarium in the market. Use the terrarium from your inventory to set it up at your campsite, then use the mosquito larva to hatch out a mosquito, a familiar which drains health from your enemy and returns it to you. To take him with you, visit your terrarium and select the mosquito. 3c. Level 3 Council of Loathing Quest: Typical Tavern "We've recieved word that the owner of the Typical Tavern, in The Distant Woods, is having a bit of a rat problem. I'm sure he'd reward you if you took care of it for him." To successfully complete this quest, I would recommend getting to at least level 4, since the rats you'll have to fight are fairly tough. That said, sojourn to the Typical Tavern in the Distant Woods and defeat ten rats. Each rat you defeat will give you a Rat Whisker (proof that you beat the rat, since you can't trade for these). Once you have ten Rat Whiskers, adventure once more at the Typical Tavern to recieve a reward from the Tavern Owner: An Ice-Cold Six-Pack and a Shiny Ring. QUEST COMPLETED! 4c. Level 4 Council of Loathing Quest: Meatcar Quest "You look like you need a vacation, Adventurer. Down at the Shore, they have a wide variety of relaxing trips available. Unfortunately, it's pretty far away, so you'll need a car to get there." "Also unfortunately, there are no more car dealers left in the Kingdom since that Pork Elf Wizard came through a few years ago. You'll have to build your own car. You should be able to find almost all the parts for it down at Degrassi Knoll. It's in the Nearby Plains." This quest is the most involved one you've receieved so far, so expect to spend quite some time adventuring at Degrassi Knoll before you get all the necessary parts. You will need the following parts: 1 Cog, 1 Empty Meat Tank, 1 Spring, 1 Sprocket, 1 Tires, 1 Sweet Rims (obtained from The Hermit, not from the Knoll), 6 Meat Paste, and 1 Meat Stack. Most of these items are most easily obtained from a Degrassi Knoll Toolkit, but they can also be found as regular drops. Once you have the necessary items, it's time to start combining items from your inventory. First, combine the Spring and the Sprocket to make a Sprocket Assembly. Combine the Sprocket Assembly and a Cog to make a Cog and Sprocket Assembly. Combing the Tires with the Sweet Rims to make some Dope Wheels. Combine the Meat Stack with the Empty Meat Tank to make a Full Meat Tank. Combine the Cog and Sprocket Assembly with the Full Meat Tank to make a Meat Engine. Combine the Meat Engine with the Dope Wheels, and you've got yourself a Meatcar, which allows you access to the Desert Beach. QUEST COMPLETED! 4c. Level 4 Council of Loathing Quest #2: The Boss Bat "The Council requires another task of you, Adventurer. You must slay the Boss Bat. He can be found in the deepest part of the Bat Hole, in the Nearby Plains. Slay him, and return to us with proof of your conquest." Sounds pretty straightforward, right? Wrong. This is one of the most annoying and time consuming quests the Council gives you. You need a bunch of items to finish it, as well as at least a couple more levels under your belt before you can even hope to go toe-to-toe with the Boss Bat. The first step of this quest is to go to the Bat Hole. You'll notice that there are two areas immediately available to you, as well as three blocked off areas. You'll need to start off by adventuring in The Entryway until you get a Pine-Fresh Air Freshener, or unless you have some other item that provides Stench Resistance. The next area, Guano Junction, is inaccessible until you've equipped such an item. Once you have the Air Freshener (or whatever), take some time to adventure at Guano Junction. You'll need three Sonar-in-a-Biscuit from Guano Junction. Each time you use one from your inventory, one of the walls in The Bat Hole will collapse, revealing a new area. The Batrat and Ratbat Burrow and the Beanbat Chamber are superfluous to your quest, but can be great places to adventure to get stats and items. Your real goal is the Boss Bat's Lair, where your showdown with a hideous, two-headed bat awaits. Prepare yourself well, get the best equipment your stats allow, and cross your fingers, because even at level 6, this battle is no walk in the park. I can't really provide you with any particular strategies for the battle, but make sure you keep your health high and eventually this affront to nature will fall in defeat. He will drop you a Bandana, which you need to take back to the Council. "Well done! You have slain the Boss Bat. As a reward, we present you with this belt made from his skin." They then give you a Batskin Belt, which at the moment, has not particular use for you, though it'll come in handy later on. QUEST COMPLETED! 4c. Level 4 Council of Loathing Quest #3: The Nemesis of the Cave Note, first off, that this quest is entirely optional to continue the sequence of Council Quests. However, it does net you a pretty nifty hat. "We have recieved news that might be of interest to you, Adventurer. In the Dark and Dank and Sinister Cave, deep beneath the Big Mountains, our agents have detected the presence of a dangeous foe: , right? This came in the mail for you." The council hands you a Strange Leaflet. When you read it, something odd happens to the world. For the sake of ease, for this section, the commands you're going to enter will be in all caps immediately following the new description. "You read the leaflet, and things become less... illustrated." "You are standing in an open field west of a white house. The house's front door is closed. You hear a gurgling stream to the south, and a path leads north into a dense forest." OPEN DOOR "You open the front door of the house." EAST "You enter the house." "You're in the house. The house's only furnishings are a plain wooden table, a single chair, and a fireplace on the north wall. The fireplace is cold and empty. An ornate sword hangs above the mantel." TAKE SWORD "You take the sword." WEST "You leave the house." NORTH "You walk north from the field." "You are on a forest path north of the field. A cave leads into a granite butte to the north. A thick hedge blocks the way to the west. A hefty stick lies on the ground." CUT HEDGE "Thwickety thwack, you cut down the hedge with your sword." TAKE STICK "You pick up the stick." WEST "You go west." "You're in a clearing west of the forest path. There is a huge, crackling bonfire here." LIGHT STICK "You hold the stick in the flames until it lights. Voila! A torch! NORTH "You walk into the cave, your torch aloft." "You're in a dark and dank cave. A treasure chest sits near the rear wall, with a dangerous-looking serpent coiled around it." KILL SERPENT "Your sword makes quick work of the serpent. You're in a dark and dank cave. A treasure chest sits near the rear wall, surrounded by hacked-up serepent bits." OPEN CHEST "You open the chest, and remove the glorious treasure from within." You find a Frobozz Real-Estate Compant Instant House (TM) in the chest, the second highest quality place of rest you can have at your campsite. Use it from your inventory to set it up. "You're in a dark and dank cave. An empty treasure chest sits near the rear wall." LOOK BEHIND CHEST "You discover a tiny hole in the wall behind the chest." LOOK IN HOLE "You find a Grue Egg in the hole!" PLUGH This final command nets you a large stat boost. This is a reference to the oldest computer adventure game of all, Colossal Cave Adventure. If you'd care to understand the complete concept behind this quest, check out this Wikipedia entry: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Colossal_Cave_Adventure. QUEST COMPLETED! 9c. Level 9 Council of Loathing Quest: The Baron of Rof L'm Fao "Adventurer! We've just received an urgent message from the Baron of Rof L'm Fao. His Valley, beyond the Orc Chasm, in the Big Mountains, has been invaded! You must help him!" The first step in this quest requires you to adventure at the Obligatory Pirate's Cove in order to get the Swashbuckling Getup. However, you may not have access to the Island at the moment, so your preliminary step is to gain access. Go to the Distant Beach, and take 5 trips at the Shore to get the Dinghy Plans. Then, once you've got the plans, go visit the Hermit and trade him for some Dingy Planks. From your inventory screen, use the Dinghy Plans, and you'll get a Dingy Dinghy, which grants you access to the Island. Now that you can actually get to the Pirate's Cove, adventure there until you've got the Swashbuckling Getup, which consists of an Eyepatch, a Stuffed Shoulder Parrot, and Swashbuckling Pants. Put on the outfit when you've got it, then continue adventuring at the Cove until you get an Abridged Dictionary. Take this to the Untinkerer in Seaside Town (consequently, if you haven't finished his mini-quest yet, see section 2d. The Untinkerer's Screwdriver for details), and he will turn the Abridged Dictionary into a Bridge and a Dictionary. Take your new Bridge to the Orc Chasm, and it will be automatically deployed, granting you access to the Valley Beyond the Orc Chasm. The Dictionary will be of great help to you while adventuring here, as it does significant damage to all the creatures who reside here. You'll need to adventure at the Valley Beyond the Chasm until you've got two 334 Scrolls, a 30669 Scroll, and a 33398 Scroll. Combine the 334 scrolls to make a 668 Scroll. Combine the 30669 Scroll and the 33398 Scroll to make a 64067 Scroll. Combine the 64067 with the 668 Scroll to make a 64735 Scroll, which is the item you need to help the Baron. Use the 64735 Scroll, and you will automatically help the Baron out. You'll explain to him that the Dictionary is of great help in beating back the creatu res who dwell at the Valley, and you give it to him. By way of thanks, he gives you 21337 meat and a Drywall Axe, a very nice weapon. QUEST COMPLETED! 10c. Level 10 Council of Loathing Quest: Giant Trash? "Something is amiss, Adventurer. The Nearby Plains are filling up with giant pile of garbage, and despite out best efforts, it keeps falling from the sky faster than we can clear it up. We need you to figure out where it's coming from, and put a stop to it." Begin by adventuring at the Beanbat Chamber in the Bat Hole until you get yourself an Enchanted Bean. From your inventory screen, use the Enchanted Bean, which will sprout into a giant beanstalk, allowing you access to The Penultimate Fantasy Airship. This new location provides excellent stat gains and meat, so feel free to adventure here for a while. Your goal at the moment is to find the four Immaterias: The Tissue Paper Immateria, the Gauze Immateria, the Tin Foil Immateria, and the Plastic Wrap Immateria. Once you've got these four items, continue adventuring until you find the S.O.C.K. This item grants you access to the Castle in the Clouds in the Sky, the next area you must adventure in. Spend some time adventuring at the Castle until you ge the Wheel in the Clouds in the Sky. It starts out on "Right now it appears that it's the Procrastination Giant's turn to take out the garbage;" any turn either clockwise or counterclockwise will satisfy the conditions of the Giant Trash quest. However, if you want access to the Hole in the Sky, you need to turn the wheel twice in either direction so that it says "Right now it appears that it's the Procrastination Giant's turn to guard the back door." Once you've spun the wheel at least once, head back to the council. "We're not sure what you did, Adventurer, but the garbage finally stopped falling. Thanks a lot! Oh, by the way -- we found this in the garbage we were cleaning up, and thought you might have some use for it." They hand you a Giant Discarded Plastic Fork, which is a fairly powerful staff-class weapon. QUEST COMPLETED! 11c. Level 11 Council of Loathing Quest: The Naughty Sorceress "So there's this sorceress, and she's quite naughty. As such, the council wants you to do something about it because you're such a nice person like that. Go forth, adventurer, and defeat this evil being." [NOTE: This may not be the whole of their message to you. If you have a more complete version, send it to me and I'll fix this and give you proper credit.] This is, without a doubt, the most convoluted and involved of quests, which makes good sense, as it is the final quest you'll be doing in any given incarnation. As you first enter the Naughty Sorceress' lair, you'll need to get through three doors. For the first door, you'll need to be under the effect of a Sugar Rush. Four items provide this effect (Angry Farmer Candy, Marzipan Skull, Tasty Fun Good Rice Candy, and Yummy Tummy Bean), so consume one of those, and go through the first door. For the second door, you'll need to be under the Wussiniess effect. It should be obvious, but the item that provides this effect is a Wussiness Potion, so quaff one of those and head on through the second door. For the third and final door, you must be under the effect of Rainy Soul Miasma. Two items provide this effect (a Thin Black Candle, and a Yummy Tummy Bean), so use one of those to gain the effect, then head through the third door. The last obstacle you come across in this chamber is a Huge Mirror. In order to get past it, you must remove all of your items, including your familiar's equipment (to make putting it back on easier, I recommend saving your current outfit as a custom outfit if you haven't done so already. Once you've stripped down to your birthday suit, head back to the mirror. It will shatter, and you will be rewarded with a Huge Mirror Shard. Now put your clothes back on, sicko. As you move on into the next area, you should immediately notice Three Stone Mariachis standing in the middle of the room. To bypass the door to the north, you must reactivate the Mariachis. To do so, you must first solve the mystery of the Perplexing Door. This door has a shifting lock on it, and you must find all keys that fit and use them on the door, solving six puzzles along the way. In no particular order, the Keys you need are: Jarlsberg's Key, Boris' Key, Sneaky Pete's Key, Richard's Star Key, Digital Key, and Skeleton Key. The first three keys can be found by adventuring in the Daily Dungeon. Richard's Star Key can be made using a Star Chart and combining 8 Stars and 7 Lines. The Digital Key is made by the Crackpot Mystic when you give him 30 White Pixels. And the Skeleton Key can be made by combining a Skeleton Bone with Loose Teeth. When you use Jarlsberg's, Boris', and Sneaky Pete's Keys, you'll be presented with a riddle. The answers to these riddles aren't all that difficult to figure out, but in case you're having trouble, they are, in order: Phish, Fish, and Fsh. When you correctly solve the riddles, you'll get a Fishtank, Fishbowl, and Fish Hose. You need to combine these items to make a Makeshift SCUBA Gear. With your SCUBA Gear assembled, you may as well put it on, since to start activating the Stone Mariachis, you must adventure at the Perplexing Odor. To do so, you must be Wearing the SCUBA Gear. Once you've adventured at the odor, you may put whatever accessory you were using before, and head back to the Door. Using the Richard's Star Key won't do anything unless you have the proper items equipped. You must be wearing a Star Buckler and a Star Staff, Crossbow, or Sword and have a Star Starfish as your active familiar. To make a Star Buckler, you must use a Star Chart and combine 4 Stars and 6 Lines. To make a Star Staff, you must use a Star Chart to combine 6 Stars and 5 Lines. To make a Star Crossbow, you must use a Star Chart to combine 5 Stars and 6 Lines. To make a Star Sword, you must use a Star Chart to combine 7 Stars and 4 Lines. And to make a Star Starfish, you must use a Star Chart to combine 6 Stars and 4 Lines. Once you've got all this, use the Richard's Star Key, which will yield a Sinister Strumming Stone Tablet from the door. The Digital Key may as well be the next key you use. You'll be prompted to enter a code when you use this key, and those of you familiar with the original NES system might well get this one without any help. Those of you not so familiar with the system will probably need help. The code is, for the uninitiated, is: Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A. Entering the proper code will yield the Squeezings of Woe Stone Tablet. The final key you need to use is the Skeleton Key. To win the card game the skeleton presents you requires you to be in posession of a Ten-Leaf Clover. If you don't, you will automatically lose the game, but if you do have one, you'll get the requisite 11. Getting the right number yields a Really Evil Rhythm Stone Tablet. If you feel like getting another all stat-boosting accessory, assemble yourself a Balloon Monkey in your inventory (takes a total of 4 Long Skinny Balloons) and hit up the door once more. Doing this will yield an Easter Egg Balloon, an accessory which gives +5 to all stats. And that's the last thing you can do at the Perplexing Door, so let's move on. You'll need a few more items before the Mariachis can be brought fully to life: Either an Acoustic Guitarrr (found at the Pirate's Cove) or a Heavy Metal Thunderrr Guitarrr (made by combining an Acoustic Guitarrr with a Chrome Ore); a Stolen Accordion (Accordion Thieves' starting weapon or dropped at the Sewer) or a Rock and Roll Legend (Made by combining a Hot Buttered Roll and a Big Rock to make a Heart of Rock and Roll and combining that with a Stolen Accordion); and a Tambourine (made by combining a Gnollish Pie Tin with Tambourine Bells) or a Bone Rattle (made by combining a Skeleton Bone with a Broken Skull). Once you have the necessary items, visit the Stone Mariachis, and they will play you a song to unlock the door to the north. Venturing through these doors reveals that you are now in the Tower Courtyard. Beware, however! The toughest normal monsters in the game, Topiary Golems, reside in the Hedge Maze in front of you. They give great stats, though, so if you are feeling underlevelled for taking on the Sorceress, this should be your new location of choice for adventuring. Anyway, now you must adventure in the Hedge Maze until you get a Hedge Maze Puzzle. Use the Puzzle from your inventory and rotate the pieces until you have a clear path to the key. Then, adventure once more to actually get the key. Repeat the process with the puzzle, this time clearing yourself a path to the northern edge of the maze. Be forewarned, however, that each time you rotate a piece of the puzzle, there is a chance that a Topiary Golem will come and steal the puzzle from you. It is therefore recommended that you get a couple of puzzles so that you can solve the puzzle in its entirety without having to adventure for more. Now that you have the key, you may access the Sorceress' Tower. There are six new enemies you must get past to continue onward, one on each floor of the tower. The trick here is that you cannot defeat the enemies normally. Instead, you must use a specific combat item to defeat each one. The following chart lists all of the possible enemies and the item needed to defeat each one: +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ | DEFEAT | USING | +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ | Beer Batter | Baseball | +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ | Big Meat Golem | Meat Vortex | +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ | Bowling Cricket | Sonar-In-A-Biscuit| +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ | Electron | Photoprotoneutron | | Submarine | Torpedo | +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ | Enraged Cow | Barbed-Wire Fence | +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ | Fickle Finger | Razor-Sharp Can | | Of F8 | Lid | +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ | Flaming Samurai | Frigid Ninja Stars| +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ | Giant Desktop | NG | | Globe | | +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ | Ice Cube | Can of Hair Spray | +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ | Pretty Fly | Spider Web | +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ |Tyrannosaurus Tex| Chaos Butterfly | +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ | Vicious Easel | Disease | +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ Since these monsters are randomly generated for each player, I cannot tell you which monsters to expect. However, most of these items are quite easily obtained, so there is no need to fret about finding them to use. Once you find out what your next monster is, I suggest running away, because if you don't, the monster will instantly kill you, wasting some of your valuable turns. Once you have bypassed these tough monsters, you will be able to access the top of the Sorceress' Tower. It is, of course, time for another Puzzle. This time, you'll need to figure out the correct number code to unlock the Heavy Door. Going through the Light Door leads you to four guards, who are the key to deciphering the code. One guard always lies, one always tells the truth, one flip-flops between truth and lies, and one craves human flesh. Betcha can guess which one is the one who craves human flesh. The trick to this is to write down all the applicable numbers the guards offer you, in the order they offer it to you, and extrapolate from there. Rather than go through a lengthy explanation of the puzzle here, I'll just say that their very first set of answers (about people asking about about the combination) tells you immediately which of them is the always liar or the always truth-teller. The one who answers second (with the "He's Lying" response) is either always lying or always telling the truth. From there, it's relatively simple logic to figure out the combination. If you get the code wrong when you try to enter it, you'll get hit for 50 damage. If you absolutely cannot figure out the code, feel free to contact me and I'll give you the entire conversation I had with them, along with my answer. Now you'll notice that you have access to the Sorceress' Chamber. Before you even consider venturing inside for the first time, go to your inventory and equip your Huge Mirror Shard. The reason for this is because as soon as you enter the chamber, you'll be hit with a barrage of electricity. If you have the Mirror Shard equipped, however, you will deflect the attack and it will instead blow a chunk of the Sorceress' Chamber away. It's not time for the climactic battle with the Sorceress just yet, though. First, you'll have to come face to face with your shadow. This is an odd battle, in that to damage your foe, you must heal yourself. You are best off, then, using Red Pixel Potions every round. However, since these can be fairly expensive to either make (takes a bunch of turns farming pixels) or to buy at the mall, you may be better off with Doc Galaktik's strongest healing potion. Either way, if you find yourself having trouble with this battle, your easiest solution is to raise your HP before the fight and make absolutely sure that you're at full HP going into the fight. When your shadow falls, another large chunk will be blown out of the ceiling of the chamber. The Sorceress has just one last line of defense against your siege of her keep: Two high-leveled familiars. Similar to the monsters you fought on the way up the tower, these are determined randomly from this list: +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ | To Beat A | Use A 20-LB | +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ | Angry Goat | Mosquito | +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ | Barrrnacle | Angry Goat | +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+
     |   Levitating  |    Barrrnacle   |
     |     Potato    |                 |
     +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+
     |   Mosquito    |  Sabre-Toothed  |
     |               |       Lime      |
     +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+
     | Sabre-Toothed |    Levitating   |
     |      Lime     |      Potato     |
     +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

     This can be a bit of a pain to get your familiar up to the proper level,
     but the biggest trick to getting fast exp is to adventure at the Cake-
     Shaped Arena, as this can net you up to five familiar exp per round. Not
     only that, but you will also get a piece of familiar equipment which will
     raise your familiar's effective weight by 5 pounds. Also, getting buffed
     by the Turtle Tamer skill Amphibian Empathy can boost your familiar's
     weight by an additional 5 pounds. If you're having trouble at the Arena,
     try using this site as a reference: 
     http://www.the-rye.dreamhosters.com/familiars/

     Once you've bypassed the two familiars, you're finally ready to face the
     Sorceress. Be forewarned, though: this is the hardest battle in the
     entire game, and you won't even be able to equip your best weapon during
     the fight. In fact, the weapon you ABSOLUTELY MUST HAVE EQUIPPED TO BEAT
     THE SORCERESS IS ONLY A 30-POWER ONE: THE WAND OF NAGAMAR (made by
     combining a Ruby W with a Metallic A to make a WA, then a Lowercase N with
     a Heavy D to make an ND; combine the WA and the ND to make the Wand of
     Nagamar). The biggest challenge with this battle is that it's really two
     battles in one with no break in between the fights.

     Now, on to the class strategies for the Sorceress!

     DISCO BANDIT
     Equip the following items:
     Hat: Draggin' Ball Hat
     Weapon: Wand of Nagamar
     Pants: Hippopotamus Pants
     Accessory: 3x Sneaky Pete's Breath Spray
     Familiar: 25+ Pound Ghost Pickle on a Stick or Mosquito

     Bring with you a number of strong combat items, such as Star Throwing
     Stars, Photoprotoneutron Torpedoes, or Plot Holes. She will render many of
     these useless, so be prepared to go through plenty of them on her first
     form. Items become even more useless on her second form, so Moxious
     Maneuver is pretty much your best bet. Be sure to bring plenty of HP and
     MP restorative, and be sure to heal any time your HP drops below 40% or
     so. Using this strategy, and with a little luck, you should be able to
     take her down at about level 12.

     SAUCEROR
     Equip the following items:
     Hat: Wolf Mask
     Weapon: Wand of Nagamar
     Pants: Furry Pants
     Accessory: 3x Kickback Cookbook or Enchanted Toothpick
     Familiar: 20+ Pound Ghost Pickle on a Stick

     Be sure, first of all, that you've purchased the skill Intrinsic Spiciness
     before the battle, as this will raise your spell damage an extra 10
     points. The Furry Suit lowers your Moxie by around 50%, which greatly
     reduces the amount of damage the Sorceress can do to you. Your basic
     strategy for her first form is either to use good combat items or cheap
     spells on her. For her second form, use either Stream of Sauce or
     Saucestorm on her, which with your equipment setup should be doing from
     40-70 damage per cast to her. This will take her down fairly quickly.
     Again, heal immediately if your HP gets down to around 40%.

     When she falls, the King's mystical prison floats in front of you. From
     this point on, however, you can figure everything out on your own, and I
     don't want to give away the fun ascension material. CONGRATULATIONS! You
     have completed all the main quests this game has to throw at you! A
     Successful Adventurer Is You!

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| Non-Council of Loathing Quests  |
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COMING NEXT VERSION!

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| Frequently Asked Questions  |
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NONE YET! SUBMIT YOUR QUESTIONS TO ME!

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| Contact Information |
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The following are viable ways to contact me. If any one fails, try another.
Eventually, you should reach me.

AIM: Catatonicmonkey9
MSN Messenger: Catatonicmonkey@hotmail.com
E-mail: BrianJThompson@gmail.com

Thanks for your interest in my guide!

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| Special Thanks and Acknowledgements |
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CJayC for creating GameFAQs in the first place
Jick for creating the Kingdom in the first place
My friends and relatives who have helped me assemble the information in this
guide
Anyone else who's contributed that I forgot to mention specifically

Thanks, everyone!