Earthbound No Healing Game
Version 7.0
Table of Contents
I. Introduction
II. No Healing Game: How it’s possible
III. Rules of a No Healing Game
IV. Walkthrough
V. Credits
I. Introduction
Welcome to the No Healing Game walkthrough. This is the second FAQ I’ve
written, the last being the speedrun walkthrough I submitted for Pokemon R/B
when I was posting as Milcotti. Upon reading this walkthrough I will assume
that you have beaten the game already because I am not covering up any
spoilers, so don’t take it out on me. Anyways, the No Healing Game is a good
challenge for a game that doesn’t allow for many challenges to be made, you’ll
have to strategize and plan things out.
NOTE: This walkthrough belongs to me and is my property. If you wish to use
it for money gain (Doubt that would happen but you never know), you must
contact me first. My E-Mail is PMPFTourney@aol.com. Otherwise, just please
give me proper credit, thanks
II. No Healing Game: How it’s possible
The first thing that may spring to your mind upon reading this is “HOW ON
EARTH IS THIS EVEN GOING TO BE POSSIBLE?!” It is in fact, possible, I
realized this when factoring in mandatory healing areas. There are several
points in the game where you will be healed no matter what you do (“Your
sanctuary” spots). Also, generally taking advantage of items like super
bombs, bottle rockets and avoiding battles helps a lot too.
III. Rules of a No Healing Game
Here are the rules that you must follow if you are going to attempt a No
Healing Game:
-You can not use items that restore HP and/or PP (No Brain Food Lunch, no
Magic Pudding, NOTHING).
-You can not use items that rid yourself of status effects (No Horn of Life,
Cup of Lifenoodles, etc).
-PSI can not be used to heal HP or rid yourself of status effects, basically
ignore your lifeup and healing spells.
-Magic butterflies are not allowed.
-You can not revive KOd party members.
-You can not rest at hotels or recover in healing spots (No visiting Frank in
the arcade, no going back to Giant Step, no healing springs, etc).
That should cover it. Keep in mind, I will allow homesickness to be healed
and you may also use items like the Skip Sandwich as long as your HP is full.
One rule that I implemented for my no healing game was a level up cap. I did
this because primarily in the beginning of the game, you can easily
overlevel. Thus, I introduced a level up cap which will prevent you from
overleveling. Here are the limits:
Titanic Ant: Level 10
Carpainter: Level 20
Master Belch: Level 25
Clumsy Robot: Level 35
Kraken: Level 45
Deep Darkness: Level 50
Magicant: Level 60
Cave of the Past: Level 70
Therefore, if any of your characters exceed these levels before beating these
parts of the game, it will not count. Since it is a no healing game though,
you won’t be able to level up that high in most cases, it was mostly designed
to prevent over-leveling Ness, Paula and Jeff early in the game. Note that if
you’re say, level 10 when you fight Titanic Ant (Boss of Giant Step) and the
exp elevates you to level 11, that’s ok.
NOTE: My walkthrough is based off the fact that you will not be disobeying the
level up cap.
IV. Walkthrough
ONETT
Start game, go to meteorite, pick up bread roll, talk to Pokey and go back
home. Get interrupted by annoying knock (Who the hell knocks in the middle of
the night making a pattern? Oh right Pokey), answer door and accept Pokey’s
plight to save Picky before his mom and dad come home. Pick up Cracked Bat,
equip, talk to Tracey and get a cookie which can be sold for $3. Talk to the
dog and get yourself a capable party member. Phone rings, answer, dad saves
game and puts money in your account. Head outside and see evil animals.
Enemies
Spiteful crow: Ignore at all times, its peck does the most damage out of the
enemies in this area, can steal items and has high evasion.
Coil Snake: Ignore, it only gives 1 exp. However, if you’re level 4 and
encounter these you’ll get an automatic win.
Runaway Dog: Look for these, they give 4 exp and are easy to kill.
I would get to at least level 3 before proceeding to the top of the meteorite
and encountering Buzz Buzz, because when you do, all the enemies will
disappear. Don’t worry about dying in this area, you don’t need the PSI and
you’re going to die when you start fighting the sharks anyway. Meet Buzz Buzz
and go back, now meet the strongest boss in the game.
Starman Junior (200 HP)
Enjoy your freebie and an easy 16 exp.
Head back to Pokey’s house, mom is angry, dad chases kids upstairs and gets
the Garrison belt as well. Pokey’s mom is trying on some of that new body
spray, BUG, which attracts all the insects, so Buzz Buzz gets too close and
meets his demise. Get the Sound Stone and if you wish, you can check out the
Mani Mani statue at Lier X. Agerates house. From there, check out the
trashcan by the hamburger shop to pick up a free hamburger (…), now go to the
drug store and sell your cookie, bread roll and hamburger. You should have
enough money that you can buy the Tee Ball Bat, depending on your level you’ll
either be able to afford the Cheap Bracelet as well or just miss it by a few
dollars. If you can’t afford it, you’ll be able to very soon so it doesn’t
matter. Now go the secret hideout, which can be found north of where you see
the scruffy kid by the library. Talk to one of the kids there to get the Mr.
Baseball Cap and equip it.
Now go down to the hotel and call mom which will unlock the Escargo Express, I
would also save here. Next you’ll need to start leveling up, so go bully the
bullies and fight some sharks.
Enemies
Skate Punk: The weakest of the three, these deal the least damage but they can
call for help. You can use it to your advantage if you want and isolate them
as they keep calling for help so you can rack some exp.
Pogo Punk: They drop hamburgers frequently, so you can make some quick cash
with these guys.
Yes Man Junior: Nothing special about them.
With the Tee Ball Bat, you’ll be knocking these guys out in 2 hits all the
time. I would get to level 7 before fighting Frank, which will leave you with
75-78 HP, plenty. You also don’t want to pass the level up cap. However,
make sure before fighting Frank you get rid of the pogo punk and yes man
junior blocking him, as you want to go in with full health. When you’ve done
all that, face Frank.
Frank (63 HP)
Easy. He’ll go down in 3 hits. Sometimes he’ll waste a turn when he “says
something nasty” and his swinging attack will only hit for 9 HP of damage.
His knifes power will also be significantly reduced since you have both the
Mr. Baseball cap and cheap bracelet equipped.
Frankystein Mark II (90 HP)
Frankystein Mark II and Magnus Von Grapple should have a fight to the death
where the loser officially has the goofiest name for a robot ever. Anyways, 4
hits will do this thing in and it only attacks every other turn. It’s no big
deal if you lose this one, because you won’t have to face Frank again, only
his robot.
Frank admits defeat, and most of the sharks fall off the face of the Earth
never to be seen again. Get to the key to the shack from Pirkle and go to the
travelers shack to unlock the door and equip the travel charm. Into the Giant
Step cave we go, you’ll want to get to level 10 before you go after the
Titanic Ant who took the power of the place that was supposed to be for you.
In addition to a cave to go through, you’ll have to go through its inhabitants
as well, each influenced by the evil of Giygas.
Enemies
Rowdy Mouse: It often gets SMMMAAASSSHHHH attacks on you, which won’t hurt
that much but will definitely add up. Dies in 2 hits.
Black Antoid: Avoid them when they come in pairs. In addition to their
regular attacks only being slightly weaker than the RMs SMMAASSSHHH, they can
call for more black antoids and can cast PSI Lifeup on themselves or their
allies. Dies in 2 hits.
Attack Slug: On the lower level of the cave, they come in 4 but in the higher
level they can come in 6. Fight these things, they die in 1 hit, their
attacks are weak, hitting for 1-2 HP of damage and often waste turns
by “edging closer” and failing to cast PSI Hypnosis. You’ll rack over 100 exp
from each encounter.
A good technique to use for leveling up would be to enter the first room you
see. In this room, you’ll find a present that has a skip sandwich in it. In
addition, you’ll usually find a black antoid. When you reach level 8, I would
simply enter and leave the room over and over while encountering the black
antoid, because at level 8 and above you get an automatic win. It’s 37 exp a
pop too. Do this until you reach level 10. You can also use the skip
sandwich as long as you have full health to get around enemies.
At level 10, you should have around 94 HP or so. However, you will not be
able to use PSI Rockin due to dying and coming back so you’ll have to beat the
Titanic Ant with just physical attacks. I would really try to be at near full
health for this battle, which is possible if you’re able to run away from
encounters. The skip sandwich might be able to help too.
Titanic Ant (235 HP)
Black Antoid (4x)
Luck definitely plays a role in this battle, so don’t be discouraged if it
takes multiple tries to slay this thing. The TA is being backed up by two
black antoids, however the two black antoids will be casting PSI Lifeup every
turn. They have 20 PP, so after four casts they can no longer do anything.
It’s your choice if you want to try and get rid of them, personally I’d just
ignore them since there’s more of a chance that they won’t heal the Titanic
Ant and that they’ll heal the other black antoid or themselves. The TAs
attacks consist of casting PSI Defense Down (Waste of a turn), PSI Magnet
(Real waste of a turn), casting PSI Shield which will cut damage done by half
and a biting attack that will hit anywhere from 19-55 damage. Your attacks at
this point should be averaging to about 27 HP, so it will take a lot of
attacks. Honestly, even using PSI Shield is a waste because it isn’t hitting
you, every turn hope you don’t get hit. By the way, if you do nail a
SMMMAAASSSHHHH attack while it has a shield up, it’ll destroy the shield right
there, it normally takes 3 attacks to destroy its shield. Also, while you
won’t be able to use PSI Rockin, you may be able to use PSI Hypnosis depending
on when you last died, it CAN work but I wouldn’t recommend it because when
you hit a sleeping opponent they usually wake up right there and it can also
miss.
When you beat the Titanic Ant, approach Giant Step and you’ll encounter your
first mandatory healing spot. However, as I said before, you can not re-enter
these places (duh). So enjoy being at full health while you still can because
it isn’t going to last very long. Now you know the deal that you whenever you
beat the boss of these places all the enemies will not engage you but in fact
run away from you, so make sure you don’t get into any encounters. Right
before leaving the cave, I would enter the room with the one black antoid in
it and get to level 12, this will leave you with 120-135 HP and 40 PP, which
you’ll need to take on the Onett police force.
When you get out of Giant Step, the cop confronts you about ignoring
the “DON’T ENTER” sign and for some reason knows that you want to go to
Twoson. Perhaps the police force can use PSI too? Anyways, go to the police
force and get ready for the last boss battle/s in Onett.
Cop (4x)
They all go down in 2 hits, their regular attack is nothing to worry about but
their “crushing chop” attack can do over 20 HP of damage, which will
definitely add up. I would recommend trying PSI Rockin here because there’s a
chance that it’ll do enough damage that it will kill the cop in one hit but it
isn’t guaranteed. One notable thing about this fight is that for once, you’re
faster than the enemies. Anyways, save at least 20 PP for Captain Strong.
Captain Strong (140 HP)
There’s a decent chance that two doses of PSI Rockin will do him in, if it
doesn’t then he’ll be one, MAYBE two attacks away from defeat. In addition,
50% of the time Strong will waste a turn by “losing his temper” which will
raise his offense by 1 point or by being on guard which is also a waste of
turn since you aren’t being hit. His “coming out swinging attack” should do
about 15-20 or so HP of damage but you don’t want to see his submission hold
attack, which can do over 40 HP of damage.
You shouldn’t have much trouble beating these guys, you’d have to be pretty
unlucky to have to reset. Now that Onett is finished, it’s time to move on.
TWOSON
Start by going to the hotel and talking to the guy in the suit over and over
until he gives you $50. Now go to Polestar Preschool and get the teddy bear
in a present. Now go to Burglin Park but watch out for some of the citizens
who oddly enough, have blue faces (You’ll be seeing more blue in a bit as
well).
Enemies
Annoying Old Party Man: His attack “The annoying old party man grumbled about
today’s youth!” always gives me a chuckle. Goes down in 2 hits sadly.
Cranky Lady: She’ll take 3 hits, I’m glad EarthBound only has a cult following
or else feminists would be all over this game. Can you imagine their reaction
upon seeing a game where a kid has to smash a lady’s head in with a baseball
bat? On a serious note, her shopping bag attack can do upwards to 30 HP of
damage so it’s probably best to avoid her.
New Age Retro Hippie: Probably the most popular enemy in EarthBound, this
hippie is both new age and retro. Watch out for his deadly toothbrush attack
in which he’ll brush his teeth and the shine will blind you, solidifying you
for a turn! Takes 2 hits to beat but you might not have the heart to do him
in.
Unassuming Local Guy: lol.
Anyways, when you get to Burglin Park, talk to the African merchant and buy
the Copper Bracelet, then go ahead and confront Everdred.
Everdred (170 HP)
Easy, more often than not he’ll waste a turn by “knitting his brow” and trying
to steal items. In the event that he uses his biting attack (Yes, biting
attack, thieves are after all, desperate people), hopefully your teddy bear
will take the hit instead. If you have any PSI leftover from Onett, enough to
cast another PSI Rockin, use it here.
You get a massive 1412 exp for beating Everdred, which is a little
unprecedented considering how easy he is. Anyways, now you have to befriend
Apple Kid. Make sure you have something you can give him that he can eat,
just buy a cookie or something from the baker in Burglin Park. Also, make
sure you have at least $200. Ok, go to his house, give him food and money and
his mouse will reward you with the Receiver Phone. One thing that I found
funny is that if you play the game for a really long time you’ll get a call
from your dad urging you to take a break. But you still get the call from
your dad if you played for a really long time while you were in Onett fighting
the sharks.
With that out of the way, it’s time to go to Peaceful Rest Valley. Some
enemies will be in your way.
Enemies
Ramblin’ Evil Mushroom: IGNORE. They die in 2 hits but if they scatter spores
you’ll get mushroomized, don’t bother with these things.
Mobile Sprout: They can cast PSI Lifeup on themselves, sow seeds to produce
more of themselves and can cast PSI Magnet but that’s kind of a waste. Dies
in 2 hits.
I would honestly just ignore any enemies you see, if you see any enemies walk
back a bit, pause and go back. Also, I would walk under the trees so enemies
above can’t get to you. When you have that settled, head into the cave.
You’ll find nothing but mobile sprouts, I wouldn’t bother fighting anymore
than 1. Use the disappearing trick to eventually get rid of the enemies (Walk
back as far as you can, pause and come back). Then you’ll be in peaceful rest
valley. If you were unlucky and got mushroomized, talk to the girl by the
entrance and she’ll buy the mushroom on your head for $50.
The object is to get as far as you can, where you’ll be stopped by a giant
statue shaped as a pencil. Nice. Now you have to go back. Remember, no
enemies here are worth your time, especially the…..
Lil’ UFO: High evasion and they can “shoot a beam that causes nighttime
stuffiness”. Yes, in EarthBound the citizens have the immune system
equivalent to somebody who has AIDS. If you get a cold, it won’t be long
until you make a guest appearance in Final Fantasy X’s Farplane since this is
a no healing game.
When you encounter the pencil-shaped statue, head back to Twoson. The
receiver phone will be used to answer Apple Kids call as soon as you get back
from the cave, so head to Burglin Park and get the Pencil Eraser (How
original….). Now before you go back to Peaceful Rest Valley, I would
recommend having at least 2 fresh teddy bears. They can be purchased at the
Twoson department store. However, don’t buy the Slingshot, while slingshots
raise attack they lower your accuracy as well, keep the bat.
Back to Peaceful Rest Valley, use the Pencil Eraser and the pencil-shaped
statue will disappear in an instant. Now as you go deeper into the valley,
you’ll encounter two more enemies that you should avoid.
Spinning Robo: They don’t have the Lil’ UFOs evasion but they can take more
hits, also comes with the cold-inducing laser of doom.
Territorial Oak: They can take a series of hits, their regular attack can hit
you pretty hard and when they die, they explode which is the main reason why
you want to avoid them.
It’s not that long of a path and it’s not that hard to avoid the enemies
here. Remember to pick up and equip the Hard Hat which can be found in an
upper left corner after crossing the last bridge at the very end of the
valley. One thing though, don’t be concerned about your level. You’ll be
leveling up soon enough, I was only level 13 when I got to Happy Happy Village.
HAPPY HAPPY VILLAGE
If you’re entering this place with a cold, the first thing you want to do is
make a mad dash to the drug store and save your game before the alarm on your
death clock goes off. Otherwise you’ll wind up back in Twoson and have to go
through PVR again. But either way, head to the drug store and buy a Sand Lot
Bat. Also, sell the Mr. Baseball Cap, you get $99 for it. Now enter the cave
that leads to Paula’s chamber, but this is where I would level up as in here
you’ll find an endless supply of an enemy that gives 353 exp a pop and is easy
as hell.
Insane Cultist: Their paint attack will do 4-5 HP of damage, that’s it. They
go down in 2 hits. If they call for help, it’s only to your advantage as
you’ll rack in more exp.
I would get to level 18 before advancing to Paula’s cabin. You might want to
avoid the cultists when you get that high so that you don’t pass the level up
cap. Anyways, you can’t save Paula, you need the key so she gives you the
valuable Franklin Badge. Now as you proceed to go back, it looks like Pokey
somehow managed to escape his prison sentence back in Onett but Picky isn’t
tagging along with him. Looks like he’s managed to amount to something in
life; being an important figure in helping make the world a better place by
making everything blue. He’s not going to fight you, but these guys will,
later potater.
Insane Cultist (2x): 94 HP
Spiteful Crow: 24 HP
The spiteful crow has moved up in life, it’s now part of an unavoidable
battle! Too bad its 15 seconds of fame are up. Ignore the crow and focus
your punishment on the blue man group.
After that, Pokey runs for the hills. What I find really odd about this area
is that it’s full of spiteful crows but they aren’t running away from you,
they WANT to fight you. Pretty weird considering at this point in the game
you hit them for 80-85 damage. Anyways, get back to Happy Happy Village and
enter Carpainters “holy” church. It looks like all these guys took a little
whiff of their own paint. Only certain HHCs will move out of your way.
There’s only one HHC that you’ll have to fight no matter what if you know
where you have to go.
From there, head into the next room where you’ll meet Carpainter’s loyal
secretary who hopes you fend you off by screaming. He didn’t know what else
to do! Up the stairs we go and you meet Carpainter himself, hey that’s the
Mani Mani statue isn’t it? Everything is starting to make sense, but you’ll
have to knock some sense into Carpainter as well.
Carpainter: 262 HP
For somebody who is supposed to be an ordinary man he’s actually quite
capable, too bad he can’t join your party. He’ll always start the battle by
using a crash, boom, bang attack which is equivalent to PSI Thunder Beta but
since you have the Franklin Badge it won’t work on you and will hit him
instead. However, for some reason his is more inaccurate than some others
that you’ll encounter later in the game. But if one connects, he’ll lose
somewhere between 100-150 HP. If you get really lucky and both of them
connect, you’ll win in one turn. Anyways, he follows the same pattern
throughout battle:
-Crash Boom Bang
-PSI Lifeup Alpha
-Paint attack (25-35 HP damage)
-Crash Boom Bang
-PSI Lifeup Alpha/PSI Shield Alpha
-Paint attack (25-35 HP damage)
-Lather, rinse, repeat
His paint attack does formidable damage considering your equipment. He can
actually be troublesome if he doesn’t hit himself with lightning since he can
heal the damage he’ll be receiving from you. But if he uses PSI Shield Alpha
(Blocks PSI attacks) that’s a waste of a turn since you can only attack. You
may have to reset once or twice. I highly recommend entering this fight at
full health (Intentionally die beforehand if you have to). Don’t get hit more
than once, if you do, I would reset. You’ll want some HP for Threed.
Eventually, Carpainter will fall with the result that you want. It was in
fact, the Mani Mani statue that influenced Carpainter into thinking that the
world would be a better place by being blue, it’s a good thing he wasn’t
influenced into thinking that the world would be a better place by being
nude. Get the key, rescue Paula and now you have a new party member, she even
comes with a teddy bear. When you get back to the village, go to the drug
store and buy her a Fry Pan, a Copper Bracelet and Ribbon, she’ll already have
32 defense at level 1. One thing that I found a little ironic about the whole
blue blue thing though was that human enemies have blue faces, maybe it was
just a coincidence?
Now you should level up Paula. Get her to level 8 or so before going back to
Twoson. The best way to level her up would be to enter the Lilliput Steps
cave and fight the Mole Playing Rough that always appears by the entrance.
It’ll take 2 swings of Ness’ bat to do it in, always have Paula use the defend
command as if it does hit her, she’ll take less damage. I wouldn’t let Paula
get hit more than twice though, she needs some HP for Threed. Remember your
teddy bear will help too and the MPR will sometimes waste a turn by “being
absentminded” or by “sizzling up the situation” which makes it feel strange
and it may attack itself next turn.
When you’ve leveled Paula up enough, it’s time to head back to Twoson. No,
don’t go trying to beat Mondo Mole (You need at least 8 PP to do so which you
probably don’t have anyway). You want to save the mandatory healing spot for
after you beat Belch. Anyways, avoid all the enemies here again. Don’t
worry, you won’t have to take the long path, one of the former Carpainter
activists who helped kidnap Paula makes amends by fixing the broken bridge.
When you’re back in Twoson, go back to Polester Preschool. After seeing
Paula’s parents and getting the useless Hand-Aid (It can be sold for
$9!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), go back to Burglin Park and see Everdred. For
some strange reason, he’ll give you the wad of bills which is $10,000
dollars. Why he does this, we’ll never know, but he did want Ness to be his
partner in crime so maybe that had something to do with it.
Instead of spending it on yourself, it’s time to show your generosity and use
the money to help out the blues group that have been doomed to playing in a
shoddy theater for all of eternity thanks to Mr. Poochyfud, the corrupt
manager of the Chaos Theater (Poochyfud?), the Runaway Five. (The lead singers
are a parody of Mario and Luigi, it seems). Talk to Luigi (The skinny green
one for you morons out there) and he’ll give you the Backstage Pass as a way
of thanks since he’s always wanted to meet Paula. Now enter the theater and
use your pass to get in. Some of the people have some….interesting things to
say (The guy in orange, for one). One of the people in there is a girl that
stands out among the rest due to her rapid movement, so talk to her and she’ll
persuade you into getting her to follow you into the Runaway Five’s locker
room (Backstage Pass FTW). But before you go, I would recommend you head back
to the department store and buy 2 or 3 more teddy bears.
In the locker room where you’ll find the Runaway Five (Singers, bongo,
sax….acoustic guitar?), you can get some funny responses if you use wad of
bills next to them. Anyways, now you have to watch them perform. After
that’s over with, head into Poochyfud’s office and use the wad of bills RIGHT
NEXT TO HIM (It won’t work if you’re across). He’ll accept the money and the
Runaway Five are free. As thanks, you’ll get a free ride to Threed, the
ghosts can’t affect their van thanks to their loud music, so I guess ghosts
dislike music (Bill Murray and Dan Aykroyd didn’t know that).
The Runaway Five drop you off in Threed, which looks like it was the victim of
the Happy Happy Cultists….oh it’s just infested with zombies, ghosts, flies
with a disdain for mankind, evil trash and taken over by an enormous pile of
puke, PHEW.
THREED
Kind of wish they could have taken us to Fourside with them. Your first
meaning of business will be to head to the drug store. Buy Ness a Minor
League Bat and buy Paula a Thick Fry Pan and a Hard Hat. If you want you can
also go to the hospital and pick up the Insignificant Item in a drawer in a
room on the second floor. When you’re done, go to the graveyard and avoid any
enemies you see, approach the two zombies and go back to the Hotel. Save your
game, now I would do a bit of leveling up before you advance any further, and
you also know why I told you to stay as healthy as possible before coming
here. The enemies here give some nice exp. On the streets of Threed you’ll
run into some of the friendly townsfolk who want to greet you the way they
greet everyone.
Enemies
Trick or Trick Kid: I don’t think he does anything other than attack. Goes
down in 2 hits, Paula can kill him with one dose of PSI Freeze Alpha.
Smilin’ Sam: Is somewhat resistant to PSI Freeze and can cast Lifeup on
itself. I would have Ness hit it and Paula cast PSI Freeze Alpha, it’ll still
take 78-80 damage from it.
Handsome Tom: Palette swap of Smilin’ Sam, it trades colors and i’s PSI
attack. The tom can cast PSI Hypnosis which will put somebody to sleep, can
be dangerous if it’s paired with a Smilin’ Sam, which happens a lot. It isn’t
resistant to PSI Freeze in any shape or form though so use that.
To be honest the enemies in the streets aren’t worth your time, the ones in
the graveyard give a lot more exp, albeit they are bit a more dangerous but
it’s worth it.
Zombie Possessor: There’s no Poltergeist 3000 to save the day but these things
are pretty frail. Ness’ attack and PSI Freeze Alpha from Paula send this
thing back to the spectral realm, they can be dangerous in groups because
they’re “the zombie possessor reached out with its icy hand” will solidify
somebody and they can possess you as well. The ghost that possesses you also
uses that same icy hand maneuver, which can get annoying.
No Good Fly: Ness and Paula’s regular attack kill it; all they can do is
attack which is only a concern for Paula considering her low HP.
Zombie Dog: Avoid. If it uses its poison bite attack, Ness or Paula will join
these guys. Goes down in 2 hits, one being Ness’ attack and the other being
Paula’s PSI Freeze Alpha.
Putrid Moldyman: All it does is attack, but it’s going to hit for 35-40 damage
which can really hurt, can be fatal if Paula is the victim. Ness’ attack and
PSI Freeze alpha kill it, in fact it’s weak to PSI Freeze so if your facing
one of these and another enemy, I would have Ness attack and Paula hit the
moldyman with PSI Freeze since it might be killed instantly from it.
Smelly Ghost: The worst enemy out of all the ones here. They have high
defense, Paula will be hitting these for a whopping 1 damage AND they resist
PSI Freeze. Ness’ attack can still hit it for some damage and you’ll have to
rely on PSI Fire, but they can cast Lifeup on themselves.
I would recommend that after each battle, you save your game. Something can
go wrong before you know it fighting these things, but you should make it out
ok enough to gain a few levels, the teddy bears you brought will help out a
lot. I would get Ness to level 20 and Paula to at least level 11 before
advancing into the room where the seductive pawn of the zombies/pawn of
Belch/pawn of Giygas/pawn of playboy/whatever will be waiting for you. She
brought some friends over, it’s gonna be a sleepover. Before you get a chance
to play footsies with the undead, they all gang up on you and knock you out.
It looked pretty weird though, it literally looked like they were going inside
you or something……
Since Ness and Paula are knocked out and are lying in an isolated room
somewhere in Threed, a narrator questions “What is the fate of Ness and his
friend?” After coming to your senses, it’s time to get out. Oh the door is
locked, that’s ok Paula has The Shining. It’s time to contact the third of
the chosen four, Jeff, so he can join Ness and Paula’s suffering ASAP.
WINTERS
Paula’s telepathy reaches to Jeff, kind of creepy to have a complete stranger
beg you for help while you’re sound asleep. Jeff doesn’t hesitate to think
and runs off but Tony, Jeff’s best “friend” in the whole wide world (Seems
like Tony has bigger affections for Jeff than one would think) decides to help
him out. In the room next to Jeff there are a bunch of cookies in presents,
since this is a no healing game, they’re of no use to you unless you want to
be insane and try to get the T-Rex Bat, then you should take all of them and
sell them.
Head downstairs into Maxwell’s room. Maxwell is the twin brother of the
dreaded Unassuming Local Guy we ran into back in Twoson, though don’t worry he
won’t attack. Maxwell gives you the Bad Key Machine which will help you open
the lockers that Tony insists you open as they contain helpful items. Head
into the next room and try to use it on a locker but the key will not fit into
the keyhole. See Maxwell again and he’ll give an upgraded version of it
immediately (The dialogue is pretty funny). Now you can open the lockers.
Only three of them have items inside; you’ll receive s Pop Gun, a Holmes Hat
and Broken Air Gun. Equip the PG and HH, the Broken Air Gun will be repaired
later on.
Now head outside, Tony has no idea where Jeff is going or why, but he lets
Jeff use him as a ledge to help him jump over the gate-door of the Snowood
Boarding House. Tony probably enjoyed it. Now that you’re alone, head to the
drug store and buy the bubble gum from the woman. Now talk to the monkey
standing near the entry and he’ll chew a piece, blow it and the elusive bubble
monkey will join you in your journey. Now, remember when I mentioned the T-
Rex Bat before? It IS possible to get this weapon before you head back to
Threed but I obviously don’t recommend it as it is incredibly time consuming
and unnecessary. But if for some reason, you want to try this, the only way
you can get it is by fighting run away dogs and spiteful crows that show up in
the area and sell the items they drop (Bread rolls from the dogs, cookies from
the crows). Eventually, you’ll have enough.
But for most of us, we’ll be heading down south immediately. Fight any
enemies you run into, as unlike Ness, Jeff already has a good defense stat to
start with so the spiteful crows peck will only do 1 hp of damage, same for
the runaway dog’s bite attack. I would get to level 3 before heading down to
the Tessie-watchers area. When you do reach this area, go in one of the tents
and take up the offer of having some stew. Paula will once again plead to
Jeff, telling him to head South. During the night Jeff will repair the Broken
Spray Can you have in his inventory and it will become the Defense Spray. I
would hold on to this and sell it when you get back to Threed as it isn’t very
useful in battle.
It’s now dawn in winters and the wind is blowing. Head to where the last
piece of land is and the bubble monkey will blow another bubble and ride on
top of Tessie’s head. Tessie will take you along for the ride and now you’ll
end up in a new area. In this area, you’ll almost always have no choice but
to battle a foe you haven’t seen yet.
Gruff Goat: It’ll take Jeff around 4 or 5 hits to tame this thing.
Its “rammed and tramples you” attack will only do 4 damage, but if uses
the “tore into you” attack, you’ll lose around 13 HP. Basically if you have
bad luck you’ll lose this battle.
The goat will give you some decent exp, around 17 or so, so Jeff will likely
level up unless you over-leveled back in the starting area. Now Its time to
head into a homemade dungeon. This dungeon, Brick Road, is a very simple
place. There are some enemies that have made this place their home and aren’t
leaving without a fight. I would fight every enemy here, because if you die
you’ll just end up back at the area before the gruff goat, which you can beat
again. The rowdy mouse is back for an encore, because of Jeff’s low HP it’s
SSMMMAAASSSHHH attack will be more of a threat here. However, you also kill
it in 2 hits. You’ll also find two more foes to deal with:
Mad Duck: It’ll take you around 4-6 hits, it’s peck attack can do some hefty
damage but it usually wastes a turn by “falling down” and “disrupting your
senses” which prevents you from using PSI, OH NO! In real life, you would
never want to deal with a mad duck though.
Worthless Protoplasm: Their regular attack is nothing dangerous, around 7-9
damage. They can however, call for help and get another one of their….unique
species to help them out which if your HP is low enough, can lead to your
demise. They also waste a turn by “sizzling up the situation”. Goes down in
2 hits.
You might have noticed at this point that you haven’t gotten any
SSMMMMAASSSHHH attacks. Jeff, along with being the only character not being
able to use PSI, is the only character not able to get SMMMAAAASSSHHH
attacks. But he makes up for it with better accuracy, he doesn’t miss that
much unless he’s under the crying condition. Anyways, before you leave you
should open a present containing the Zip Gun, so equip that. Now as you leave
and continue on, you’ll encounter Dungeon Man. Dungeon Man speaks of him
joining forces with Jeff’s father, Dr. Andonuts to help create the ultimate
dungeon, the first combination of human and dungeon in history! He’ll also
offer you the chance to rest (Yeah, you’re gonna sleep in that ugly place with
all those rocks and mad duck feathers all over the place) but you sadly have
to decline the tempting offer as this after all, is a no healing game.
Remember to save your game in brick road before going on to the next cave,
because if you die you’ll end up back in brick road. Now it’s time to head to
the Rainy Circle cavern. The rowdy mouse is here as well as the lovable
attack slug who is just as pathetic as ever. At the end of the cave you’ll
run into a seemingly similar foe that you ran into at the end of Onett and
Twoson.
Struttin’ Evil Mushroom: It’s like the Ramblin’ Evil Mushroom, but with a
different name! Also, they can’t mushroomize you which is a huge relief.
However, the damage of their regular attack will add up (Around 9-12) if
they’re with another enemy.
Make sure before leaving that you pick up the Cheap Bracelet and a Bottle
Rocket. At the end you’ll also find a shiny spot, but only Ness can absorb
the power of the place (You’d get your ass kicked anyway if you tried). So
leave the cave and the bubble monkey will find a mate and without a thought,
will dump you for the dame. Now head to Dr. Andonuts lab, DON’T go into the
Stonehenge base because when you return, you’ll most likely get into a fight
with a Cave Boy. Save your game before hunting them down because if you die,
you’ll return at the lab.
Now I would do some leveling up. If you’re at least level 11, I would start
killing some Cave Boy’s, if not go back into the Rainy Circle cave and beat up
on the enemies there until you are. At level 11, get ready to fight the……
Cave Boy: Constantly denies being the missing link, in its spare time it walks
around aimlessly and takes advantage of people stupid enough to engage it.
Yes, we are that stupid. The cave boy has horrible accuracy but when it
connects, you’ll take 20-21 a hit. The cave boy can also take many, many
hits, so it wouldn’t be a bad idea to use the bottle rocket you found back at
the cave (Don’t worry, the shady salesman at Threed sells these for $29, a
steal), which will hit it for 100-130 damage. The reason you want to be at
least level 11 is because Jeff will have around 75-78 HP, enough to withstand
a few attacks. One more thing; DO NOT WASTE THE BIG BOTTLE ROCKET ON IT.
I would get to level 16 before moving on with the game. That will Jeff with
around 105 HP which he’ll need. Also note, the Cave Boy’s almost always drop
Picnic Lunches, if you want you can sell them for $12 when you get back to
Threed. And of course, make sure Jeff is at full health before proceeding.
Anyways, at the doc’s lab, I wouldn’t bother picking up the Broken Pipe. Now
talk to Dr. Andonuts, seems he’s aware of Paula also. Andonuts mentions the
Phase Distorter, a device capable of traveling to a different area instantly
but he’s having trouble with it. He can still help you, willingly giving you
the Sky Runner which is shaped like a flying saucer. Remember, after he tells
you that you can use it, you have to talk to him again. Otherwise you won’t
trigger the sequence where Jeff enters the thing.
When you’ve done that, take off and enjoy some scenes of Fourside and Dusty
Dunes Desert before Jeff heads into Threed and crashes underground.
THREED REVISITED
Now that Jeff is in the group, you can use the bad key machine to unlock the
door. From here I wouldn’t get into a fight. Just head to the Hotel and
save, all of your characters are at full health which you’ll want for the
Boogie Tent. From there, go to the drug store and purchase Jeff a Hard Hat
and a Copper Bracelet. Now go to the shady saleman (Right below the yellow
tent) and buy two Bombs and a bottle rocket, buy two bottle rockets if you
used one in Winters. Give a bomb to Ness and Paula and make sure Jeff has the
bottle rockets. Now head south and you’ll find a purple tent………
Boogie Tent (500 HP)
Have Ness and Paula use a Bomb and Jeff use a bottle rocket. Now have Ness
use PSI Rockin and Paula use PSI Fire while Jeff fires another bottle rocket
which should end the greatest show on Earth. The Boogie Tents regular attack
will hit you hard, around 45-55 damage. Hope it wastes a turn by using the
jar of fly honey which will make every character start crying (Your PSI, bombs
and bottle rockets won’t miss anyway) or uses “a pale green light” which will
neutralize effects of PSI (For instance, if you casted PSI Shield, that will
get rid of it) which is a waste since you’re going out all attack. If you get
unlucky, as in, the Boogie Tent kills Paula or nearly kills Jeff, reset.
After that, make sure you obtain the Jar of Fly Honey from the trash can.
From here I would level up a bit, since the party was at full health before
the battle you can still easily take advantage of it. I would have Ness at
level 21 or 22, Paula at least level 14 and Jeff at level 17 or 18. Apple Kid
will call you will have the Mach Pizza man deliver you the Zombie Paper which
will attracts and traps zombies. The pizza man will come out of nowhere soon
enough and hand you it, even though he only gives it you because he wants to
go home or whatever. Now place the Zombie Paper in the tent and guess what?
You get a mandatory healing segment. But make sure all characters all alive
and nobody is possessed, because overnight sleeping won’t cure any of that.
On dawn, all the zombies headed to the tent and are now comically stuck to the
floor (The zombie dog that went in must have melted or something), including
the zombies guarding the entrance to the underground graveyard. Before
heading to the graveyard I would buy two bombs, give one to Ness and one to
Paula. Now head to the graveyard but avoid getting into any battles. Even
when you’re underground, avoid getting into any battles. If you enter a room
and it’s filled with enemies, leave and re-enter. Do this until there are no
enemies there or maybe just one. But beware of the new enemy waiting for you:
Urban Zombie: Their arctic breath attack will give somebody a cold, so either
avoid these guys altogether or hope it doesn’t use that attack. They’re
regular attack isn’t that threatening (About 20 damage) and they may waste a
turn by “laughing hysterically”. If Ness, Paula and Jeff attack this thing
dies, but remember it’s resistant to PSI Freeze so you’ll have to use PSI Fire
if you want to use a PSI attack here, which you should only use if there’s
more than one enemy here.
Try to conserve some PP, you’ll need it for Belch’s hideout. You can get
through this area without using PP though because the enemies fall in 1 turn.
Remember to equip the Silver Bracelet that’s found in the second casket
(Doesn’t matter who you give it to, you can buy 2 more soon enough). The
entrance to the end is blocked off by one of Belch’s patsy’s.
Mini Barf (550 HP)
This thing is really slow, all three of your characters will usually go before
he/she/it/whatever the hell it is goes. Have Ness and Paula use a bomb and
Jeff fire that Big Bottle Rocket you’ve been saving and this thing dies in 1
turn. That’s it.
The mini barf was hoping to kill you and eat your jar of fly honey. If anyone
is wondering how fly honey is explained in this game, fly honey is the honey
that flies make. Bees make bee honey and flies make fly honey (Yeah……..).
After you’ve washed your hands of that dirty work (Hardy har har), it’s time
to head up to Grapefruit Falls. There’s a salesman who thinks that he’ll get
enough money from you to feed his family, but you can’t use anything he sells
(Food = bad). But being the gentlemen he is he’ll still you tell you about
Saturn Valley and that’s it’s located up North. But you’ve got some company
waiting for you up above.
Enemies
Armored Frog: It lives up to its name by laughing at your physical attacks, it
however is weak to PSI Freeze. One dose of PSI Freeze Alpha will teach this
Frogger reject a lesson.
Farm Zombie: Pretty much the same as the Urban Zombie, but yellow…ish. Oh, it
uses this weird attack where “it says something mysterious”. I don’t know
what it does, it never seems to work. Just attack it.
Red Antoid: Black Antoids on steroids (I MADE A FUNNY). Attack it, it can
call for help and cast Lifeup but comes equipped with a bite attack that can
actually hit for 40 or so damage. A nasty enemy in groups.
Plain Crocodile: A. V. O. I. D. They are VERY powerful and can possibly
kill Paula or Jeff in one shot with its tail attack. Use PSI Freeze Beta and
have Ness use PSI Rockin Alpha if you have no choice but to fight it.
I would honestly just avoid every enemy here; you really want to conserve your
strength for Belch’s hideout. You know the method to avoid enemies, so use it
until you reach a cavern that has one enemy in it that will pester you.
Violent Roach: Sometimes wastes a turn by “knitting it’s brow”, it can also
solidify a character. Dies in 1 turn but you don’t want to take unnecessary
damage in case it does attack.
If you see any of these, make them disappear, don’t waste time fighting
these. Enter the room along the way and pick up the bottle rocket and then
enter…..
SaTURn VAlLeY
Occasionally you’ll find a Mad Duck in an unreachable area in this place,
which is a little odd. Anyways, your first order of business should be to
head to one of the caverns and talk to the Saturn that will reveal the
password to get into Belch’s hideout (Would have been nice if you just had to
input a command instead). Keep in mind that you must talk to the Saturn even
if you know the password, otherwise you can stand there for 33 minutes and you
still won’t get in. Turns out Belch has enslaved some of the Saturns and took
them to his hideout and the rest live in fear of Belch. Somebody has to put
him in his place. Prepare for this bad smelling battle by heading to the shop
and buy 2 more Silver Bracelets and a Red Ribbon for Paula. When you’ve got
everything in order, head to Belch’s hideout which is at the very end of
Grapefruit Falls and “say” the password.
After the most boring 3 minutes of your life have passed, you’ll find yourself
in Belch’s hideout, puke and all. You’ll run into a slimy little pile who
thinks you’re the fly honey delivery boy (The real one is some scruffy haired
kid/guy in Threed who reveals that Belch gets his strength by eating peanut
butter and fly honey sandwiches). Answer yes to his question and he’ll let
you move on, though he’ll follow you around anyway. Reply with “No” to get
into an unnecessary battle. Anyways, I may as well introduce you to some of
the wonderful….things here who are determined to make your visit at Belch
Enterprises an educational and wonderful one.
Enemies
Foppy: Distant relatives of the attack slugs, they usually come in groups and
are easy to kill. They won’t hit you for much damage (10-15) and can waste a
turn by “being absentminded”. I would only avoid these if you see like, 4-6
of them.
Mostly Bad Fly: So I guess there’s still a little good left in them. Don’t
tell them that though. All they do is attack, only dangerous if they’re
paired up with a slimy little pile.
Slimy Little Pile: Poor man’s Mini Barf. Have Ness and Jeff attack while
Paula casts PSI Freeze Alpha, that will kill it. They can cause trouble by
calling for help and adding another of them to the battle and by making
attacks miss when they put everyone in crying status. One dose of PSI Freeze
Beta kills it in one shot too.
I wouldn’t enter the rooms as all the enemies will disappear after you kill
Belch and most of the items aren’t worth getting anyway. If you insist,
you’ll find that they’ve been occupied with zombies (I forget which ones). I
would also not get into too many fights here, you want to conserve at least
some health for Mondo Mole a little later on. At the end of the trail, a
slimy little pile wants you to say the password but gets suspicious when you
don’t say anything (Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do? Not say anything)
and you get into a fight. When that’s over with, enter into the next room
when you’ll meet Belch himself (When I look at his not in battle sprite it
looks like a guy got covered in slime, what’s supposed to be his fangs and
mouth look like eyes and a nose to me). Anyways……
Master Belch (650 HP)
He will ALWAYS go first, I repeat, he will ALWAYS go first. And guess what?
He will ALWAYS use his attack that induces nausea on a character. So,
somebody is guaranteed to die UNLESS you have a teddy bear. If he tries the
attack on the teddy bear, nobody will die to the agonizing feeling of feeling
like throwing up. If not, somebody will die. If you don’t have a teddy bear,
I would reset the game if Paula is the one struck with nausea as she needs to
level up as much as possible for the desert tunnel. If you do have a teddy
bear, reset the game if he doesn’t use his nausea attack on the teddy bear.
It’s not the end of the world if somebody does die, I didn’t have a teddy bear
for this fight, just make sure Paula doesn’t die.
Oh, the strategy for this difficult battle? Just use the jar of fly honey and
every turn will be met with “Belch lost his mind wolfing down fly honey!”
From there, just keep attacking until he dies. Don’t waste any PP on him
unless you feel you can spare it so you can speed up the process. Keep in
mind, you MUST use the jar of fly honey otherwise you can hit him for
345467564768768 HP of damage and he still wont die. So don’t go thinking to
yourself “I WANT TO KILL HIM THE HONORABLE WAY1111111!!!!!”. Anyways, when he
does die, your levels should be something like….
Ness: Level 23
Paula: Level 19
Jeff: Level 20
These were my levels; yours should be around or maybe a little higher. Before
Belch fades off he tells you that Giygas managed to move the Mani Mani statue
into Fourside and that the city will soon be in worse condition than living in
your own puke (It can’t be THAT bad *Thinks of Moonside*…..well ok). Anyways,
the Saturns are saved and one of them promises that someday they’ll return the
favor by helping you. Don’t forget to talk to one of the Saturns in the
cavern as you’ll get a Mr. Saturn Coin, a great piece of equipment. Equip it
on Paula as she needs the defense boost (She has the worst HP of the group).
Now it’s time to head back to Threed. Avoid the stupid roaches and especially
the enemies in Grapefruit Valley (You’re in pretty crappy shape to be fighting
enemies you don’t have to right now). Enter the underground tunnel and go
back to Threed, but where are the zombies? Since Belch was the one that gave
the zombies life in exchange for the zombies working for Belch, Threed is now
zombie free! When you get back to Threed, embrace the new color of the town
and the new happy music.
What you want to do now is get your party back in full health, so head back to
Twoson via bus or walking (Wish all the traffic would magically vanish if I
tried that, or maybe nobody likes Twoson).
TWOSON REVISITED
If you have the insignificant item, go to the Twoson hospital and give it to a
man on the second floor. For some reason, next to his life this is the second
most important thing to him (Must not live a very significant life, I MADE
ANOTHER FUNNY). He’ll show his gratitude by giving you a Magic Truffle, which
would be nice in a normal game but is completely useless here. However, it
CAN be sold for $149 which isn’t that bad. Anyways, now head to the
Department Store and purchase no more than 3 teddy bears (For Mondo Mole,
though I cleared the place without using any). From there, go back to
Peaceful Rest Valley, though this time it’s only a short walk back to Happy
Happy Village thanks to the bridge. I would still avoid Territorial Oaks as
their explosion will still hurt you badly and will kill any teddy bear you
have with you. You might want to try and avoid the Lil’ UFOs and Spinning
Robo’s as well since they can still give you a cold.
When you get back to Happy Happy Village, you’ll find Carpainter standing
outside his church (Also conveniently blocking you from getting in) who is now
living an NIBG lifestyle (NotInfluencedByGiygas). This fad went way out of
style and is right up there with bell bottoms, yo yo’s (Don’t tell Ness and
Paula that!), religion and drinking milk one day past the expiration date
(What a fad THAT was, thanks Kurt). Anyways, head back into the Liliput
Steps cavern, except this time your objective isn’t to slaughter a small mole,
it’s to slaughter a giant mole. You don’t need to heed any of the cavern’s
inhabitants anymore, which include……
Enemies
Mole Playing Rough: Helped you level up Paula, this thing will be hitting you
for 1 HP of damage every time now. Just attack it.
Mr. Batty: This thing would have to be pretty batty to actually try and engage
in a fight with you, so it lives up to it’s name. Just attack it.
Mighty Bear: This bear isn’t so mighty anymore, if it attacks Paula it’ll do 1
HP of damage even with its claw attack (The other character will lose a bit of
health). Just attack it.
Mondo Mole must have given his minions some pep talk or something, because
they still go after you despite standing no chance at all. Anyways, at the
end of this place you’ll run into Homer Simpson himself (Sorry, its Mondo
Mole).
Mondo Mole (498 HP)
D’oh! Mondo Mole doesn’t stand a chance in hell now. If Ness is the one that
died to nausea, Paula should be throwing casting PSI Fire Beta or throwing
bombs while Jeff uses bottle rockets. If Jeff is the one that died, Ness
should be using PSI Rockin Beta while Paula uses PSI Fire Beta or throwing
bombs. The Mondo Mole’s claw attack will hit Paula for a massive 3-4 damage,
the other character should be able to easily withstand it too. It may waste a
turn by using PSI Lifeup Alpha (It won’t be able to heal enough to compensate
the damage it’ll be taking every turn) and can cast a PSI Shield. If it does,
it won’t affect what Jeff will be doing and Paula can just throw bombs. Or
you can simply cast PSI Paralysis at the start and turn Mondo Mole into a one
legged man (Errrr, mole) in an ass kicking contest, though he’s pretty
helpless anyway.
If you have trouble beating this boss at this stage of the game, I’m wondering
how you made it this far in the challenge. Anyways, enjoy as your party is
now in full health, which you’ll be needing for Trillionage Sprout. But
before we do that, leave Happy Happy Village for good and head out to…..
DUSTY DUNES DESERT
In a no healing game, this should be your least favorite place along with
Scaraba due to the fact that by walking around in the desert you may get
inflicted with sunstroke, which is the equivalent to getting a cold. It won’t
be long until the chronic heat of the sun sends a character or characters to
their grave (More believable than dying of a cold) so unless you’re very
lucky, you’ll be getting some much needed exercise by getting out of your
seat, pressing the reset button, getting of your seat, pressing the reset
button, getting out of your seat AHHHHH HAMSTRING PULL OH THE
PAIIINNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The first thing you’ll notice here if you took the bus is that it gets stopped
due to a massive traffic jam which was caused by a herd of buffalo running
across the road. These buffalo must have magic powers, because if I recall
they can’t run through backgrounds. Well, you might as well make the best of
things so head to the conveniently placed drug store and save. While you’re
here, buy a Mr. Baseball Bat, a Deluxe Fry Pan and a Coin of Defense, equip it
on Jeff. Now talk to the old guy with the chef hat or whatever and buy a food
item, you’ll need it. From here you must get inside the shack of the Montague
brothers without anyone getting inflicted sunstroke. Sunstroke is inflicted
randomly, there’s no method you can use to avoid it and there’s no guarantee
that you’ll be inflicted it, it’s completely random. Along the way you’ll
find a present, please open it because in it will contain a Big Bottle Rocket,
a lifesaver against the Trillionage Sprout.
Along the way, you’ll find the inhabitants of the desert who aren’t exactly
thrilled to have you over at their house. They also come equipped with anti
no-healing game freeloaders, like poisonous attacks and fire.
Enemies
Skelpion: Very fast, will always go first. It can poison a character which
will give you a free trip to reset land if it chooses to do so. If it isn’t
going to do that it may cast PSI Thunder Alpha, do a regular attack which can
do upwards of 50 damage if Paula isn’t the recipient. One dose of PSI Freeze
Alpha kills it but 3 regular attacks also get the job done if you don’t want
to consume 4 PP.
Cute Lil’ UFO: The Lil’ UFOs twisted and demented sister, we’ve all seen these
types; Ed’s sister Sara, Stan’s sister Shelley, Marge’s sisters Patty and
Selma, you get the idea. The Cute Lil’ UFO also has high evasion. I don’t
think it can inflict a cold on a character but it can cast PSI Lifeup Alpha,
making it really annoying in groups. Have Paula use PSI Freeze Alpha (Beta if
you’re desperate to kill it) or Jeff can use a bottle rocket here while Ness
throws a bomb or something.
Crested Booka: Weird giraffe camel…..thing. Its attacks hurt. Paula should
use PSI Freeze while the others attack, may waste a turn by “having a big grin
on its face” or by shrieking a war cry which lowers one characters offense and
defense by a couple of points.
Smilin’ Sphere: It’s highly debated if black death was caused by an outbreak
of the bubonic plague or by an outbreak of Smilin’ Spheres. These will most
likely wipe out your entire party since they come equipped with PSI Fire Alpha
which will hit everybody for 70-100 damage a pop. If you’re stupid enough to
not have reset by now and happen to kill it, it will explode and kill off 1 or
2 of your characters. Unlike a normal game, you can’t heal off the damage
you’ll be taking from these things.
Desert Wolf: What? The runaway dog is evolving! CONGRATULATIONS! YOUR
RUNAWAY DOG EVOLVED INTO A DESERT WOLF! At least that’s the perception I
first got when I encountered its out-of-battle sprite. The desert wolf can
also poison a character and will always go first. Not fun. Its regular
attack does over 50 damage as well. Choo choo! Oh, the train heading to
reset land is here.
Bad Buffalo: Can potentially kill off a character with its attacks, which hurt
like hell, even Paula with her defense (Gets compensated by her crappy HP).
PSI Freeze Beta kills it in one hit if you happen to stumble upon one. I
actually don’t know how fast or slow this thing is, I was lucky enough not to
encounter it.
Criminal Caterpillar: If you find this, it may run North into the desert,
which would basically be feeding you to the wolves (Man, my puns are really
on). If you can corner it somewhere and get the green swirl, you’ll have won
some nice 5-digit experience points. If you get a blue or red swirl, the
train to reset land will be here earlier than expected as it enters battle
with 255 speed, PSI Fire Alpha and Beta. 255 speed means that you have very
little chance of connecting with physical attacks, so you must use PSI, bottle
rockets or bombs but don’t worry, you’ll be killed off before then.
Now you’re beginning to see how much more lethal enemies are becoming in a no
healing game. You’ll be resetting a lot thanks to sunstroke, powerful enemy
attacks and poison. Eventually you’ll get lucky enough though. The best way
to get to the shack would be to start around the area where the pawn man is
(Buy a Zip Gun for Jeff from him as well). Now walk straight as low as you
can (But above the area that leads to a dead end). Stay as low as you can, if
you see enemies, walk up. Keep walking straight to the West and eventually a
present will become visible (Unless you walked up a lot to avoid enemies).
Inside will be the big bottle rocket and this also means the shack is just a
few inches away. Make a mad dash to the shack, get inside and check your
status. If somebody got inflicted with sunstroke, reset, if not, SAVE YOUR
GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Remember not to talk to the guy inside as he’ll
insist you take a rest (You can’t refuse) unless of course, you’re at full
health already so it wouldn’t matter. From here, get back out and talk to
Gerardo Montague, the guy is busting his ass off digging for buried gold and
is starving, so give him the food item you purchased back at the drug store
and I suppose he’ll be overwhelmed by your kindness and will give you the
treasure when he finds it.
Now get back on the road where you can’t get sunstroke and the traffic jam is
over. Instead of heading to Fourside though, head all the way back to Twoson
and buy 4 or so teddy bears at the department store. Now head back to Threed
and buy a few bottle rockets and if you want, a few bombs. Now head back to……
SaTURn VAlLeY rEVIsIteD
Just head straight to the Milky Well cavern, it’s the only reason why you came
back here. It’s time to take down the Trillionage Sprout (Who my brother
thought looked like a rooster when he saw him, seriously, A ROOSTER?). Giygas
isn’t going to cut you any slack anytime soon, so he influences some sprouts,
mushrooms and weird flower plant things to do his bidding here. The worst
part about this cavern is that most of the enemies here travel in groups.
Enemies
Struttin’ Evil Mushroom: It can’t take much damage but compensates for that
for scattering spores most of the time which will mushroomize somebody. Very
devastating, kill them immediately and/or pray that if they scatter spores,
they try it on the teddy bear. If it does just attack, consider it a break as
it’s attack does crappy damage. Dies in 2 regular attacks.
Tough Mobile Sprout: Not a big threat, basically mobile sprouts with more HP.
Their regular attack does puny damage, the only annoying thing they can do is
cast PSI Magnet, so hope it hits Jeff or a teddy bear. 2 physical attacks
kill it.
Ranboob: The only non-palette swapped enemy you’ll find, the Ranboobs regular
attack isn’t a big deal. It can make a character fall asleep and can cast PSI
Shield Alpha to reduce damage done by physical attacks.
If you’re fighting three or four enemies, have Paula use PSI Fire Beta while
Ness uses PSI Rockin Alpha. If you’re only fighting one or two enemies, just
attack. The second area of the cavern is an outsideish area and you’ll find
that you can actually make enemies disappear here. The third area has a
present that contains the Coin of Slumber, give it to Ness. Now get ready to
attack the rooster, I mean the…..
Trillionage Sprout (1,048 HP)
Tough Mobile Sprout (2x)
The first boss in the game with over 1,000 HP, the Trillionage Sprout has two
of its minions accompanying it. The TMS’s can cast Lifeup and attempt to make
clones of themselves so start the battle by having Ness use PSI Rockin Beta,
Paula use PSI Fire Beta and Jeff fire that BBR you found back at the desert.
That will kill his minions as well deplete at least 60% of his HP right
there. From there, Ness should be casting PSI Rockin Beta but this time, have
Paula use PSI Freeze Beta (Less PP, around the same damage and it might
solidify it) while Jeff uses bottle rockets. The Trillionage Sprout can
create a PSI Shield that blocks PSI attacks which will reduce Ness and Paula
to attacking (Or use bombs if you bought some), use a regular attack that
actually isn’t too bad (It hit Ness for around 55-60 who had 59 defense, Paula
should have at least 70) and of course, diamondize a character which is why
you got some teddy bears. You might want to reset if a character gets
diamondized (Especially Paula). BUT, if Jeff gets diamondized and you don’t
feel like resetting, it’s not the end of the world if you deal with it.
When you get through that nonsense, enjoy your characters being in full health
because you’ll wish they were soon enough. Now head to……………….
FOURSIDE
Supposedly Fourside was modeled after New York (Would explain the corruption,
taxi’s and bums). The bridge that leads to Fourside looks like the Verrazano
bridge (The fuzzy pickle photographer guy takes your picture here too, good
thing you used PSI Goawaytaffic Omega)! Anyways, Giygas, like Belch said,
managed to get the Mani Mani statue into Fourside and a man named Geldegarde
Monotoli now has it. With the Mani Mani statue, he made a pact that he’ll do
whatever Giygas wants in exchange for power. Now Monotoli rules over Fourside
with an iron fist and hopes to surpass his boyhood hero, Fidel Castro, as the
world’s most recognizable dictator. There isn’t much you can do here right
now besides do some sight seeing like a typical tourist entering a big city
would.
First off, you MUST visit the Topolla theatre to visit everybody’s favorite
band, the Runaway Five. Once again, the Runaway Five are involved in a shoddy
contract and now owe the manager one million dollars. Seriously, let this be
a lesson to all you young aspiring musicians, read a contract before you sign
it. Before you leave, you have to watch them perform. Oh yeah, look at those
sprites go! Hey, that weird keyboard guy is there again even though he isn’t
part of the band. By the way, if you don’t visit the Runaway Five, you won’t
trigger Gerardo Montague managing to dig that giant tunnel that you must
navigate (I wish you didn’t have to trigger that sequence but that’s life).
When you’re done with that, you can visit Jackie’s Café. Supposedly Monotoli
quietly enters this place from time to time, though nobody else seems to think
so. Inside you’ll also find a chubby guy who was actually the owner of the
now Monotoli building, Enrich Flavor (Nice name). Monotoli used to work for
Flavor but one day, Monotoli got his power and kicked out Flavor, now Flavor
is homeless. Supposedly, Monotoli gets his power from the café so Flavor
spends his time drinking some booze and exchanging jokes with the bum on the
left, hoping that Monotoli enters the building so he can see what exactly he’s
doing.
You can also visit the Museum. It’ll cost you a whopping 15 bucks, but you
can get your picture taken inside (That photographer sure does seem to enjoy
following kids on their journey to save the Universe from complete and total
obliteration…..you think he’s a….you know….THAT….). You’ll also run into Mr.
Spoon, the academic researcher. He reveals that it’s been rumored that
dinosaurs do indeed exist somewhere out there in southern Scaraba (A little
farther than that my friend). He also hopes that if you do intend to check
that out, that you bring back pictures because “he doesn’t like being alone”
(Ick, this place is just swarming with pe *coughcoughPEDROS* got I hated that
stupid movie, no I won’t vote for Pedro).
Fourside also has a department store but for some odd reason, it’s closed
(Gwaahhhhh!). Why is it closed? (Gwaaarrrggghhhh!!) Well nobody knows
(Gwaaaarrrgggghhhhh!) So for now you’ll have to ignore this place
(Gwaaaarrrrrrggggghhhh!)
Another thing that you MUST do, if I recall, is visit the Monotoli building
(Formerly the Enrich Flavor building). You’ll find that Pokey’s dad is now
living off of his son, Pokey’s success. As for Pokey, he now gives Monotoli
economic and political advice (Which also may help explain some of Monotolis
decisions, though the townspeople seem to think Fourside couldn’t be better).
Pokey continues to be a thorn on Ness’s side. Ever notice how Pokey acts evil
yet doesn’t have that blue face that the other evil townsfolk do? Hmmmmmmmm.
Anyways, he’ll have his bodyguards throw you out after taunting you a bit.
Upon walking around this oddly shaped city, you’ll also stumble upon a sign
that says “Planning meeting for Earthbound 2” (Up until last year or so, that
failed about as miserably as planning Claymates 2 and Greendog 2 did). Your
sightseeing may be interrupted by some people or rather, things.
Enemies
Annoying Reveler: The annoying old party man is out for revenge in his new red
suit! Still grumbles about today’s youth, still gets a laugh out of me.
Mad Taxi: Their regular attacks can HURT. Can also force you to use PSI or
items if it spews out exhaust fumes, making everybody cry.
Crazed Sign: This thing came all the way from Ohio just to get a chance to
make your life a living hell. If it uses PSI Paralysis and it hits somebody
not wearing a Travel or a Great Charm, it did its job in doing so.
Extra Cranky Lady: She has a formidable regular attack. Will sometimes
also “say something scary” which isn’t as funny as grumbling about today’s
youth, in my opinion.
Try to avoid the enemies, as you’ll want to stay in full health for your big
return in the desert. When you’re done fooling around, head back to…..
DUSTY DUNES DESERT REVISITED
Ok, the first thing I would is check your levels. Here are my levels before I
attempt the tunnel:
Ness: 29
Paula: 26
Jeff: 25
I did a little bit of leveling up before I approached the desert tunnel. The
best way to level up, well you’re going to kill for me this, but go all the
way back to the Liliput Steps cavern. Now remember the mole playing rough
that almost appears near the entrance? You get 152 exp a pop each time you
encounter it, so I would fight it over and over. You’ll get some nice money
too which always helps. Also, you obviously won’t have to worry about taking
damage either. When you’re done with that, head back to the department store
and buy AT LEAST 6 teddy bears (You will need these BADLY).
Now go back to the Montague brothers’ shack. But this time you won’t have to
walk as far, just remember to walk up from the intersection that leads to
Fourside. This time, a bunch of people (Including a healer) will be there
looking at the tunnel Gerardo created. Obviously, save your game here as
well. Inside the tunnel (There’s always the chance of getting sunstroke
before you get inside) Gerardo will tell you that a bunch of monsters appeared
in the cave and that there are 5 huge moles. However, due to getting an ulcer
from worrying too much it’s up to you to do the dirty work.
You really need to try your best and avoid as many encounters as you can
here. The enemies here can make you press reset faster than you can say “OH
MAN I GOT POISONED AGAIN THAT STUPID %$#!? SNAKE ARRGGHHHH ##&%!@@$?!$ TOO
MANY NOOSE MEN!!!!!”. That should give you a hint on who some of the enemies
here are…..
Enemies
Thirsty Coil Snake: Only annoying if it poisons a character, Paula will
heavily damage it with PSI Freeze Alpha and will kill it in one shot with PSI
Freeze Beta, your choice if you want to use 9 PP or risk getting poisoned.
Paula more often than not outspeeds this. Fun fact: If it uses it’s poison
fang attack and tries it on a teddy bear, the teddy bear won’t take any damage!
Gigantic Ant: Palette swap of the Titanic Ant, these have more HP and can
poison a character. PSI Freeze Beta kills it in one shot and Paula will
almost always go first.
Noose Man: VERY annoying, you will almost never find one alone, they’re
usually accompanied by other noose men, gigantic ants, snakes and….mad ducks?
Yes, the mad ducks found their way from Winters to an underground tunnel in
the desert, that’s what you get for pissing them off. They can prevent a
character from attacking and their regular attack will add up.
I’m not going to give you any details on the cave or whatever, you should have
beaten the game already, you know where to go. Just make sure you pick up the
big bottle rocket and Platinum Band here (Equip it on Jeff). It isn’t the end
of the world if you get into an encounter, Paula will have enough PP to spare
and your teddy bears are there for a reason. But you want to save some
strength for the moles, each of them claiming to be the 3rd strongest for some
reason (Who knows what Itoi was thinking, this is the same guy who came up
with magic cake). A little info on your 5 boss battles…..
Guardian Digger (386 HP)
Palette swap of the Mondo Mole, you’ll see a big “No 3” in the background
which gets a chuckle out of me. Anyways, sometimes Paula will go first,
sometimes she won’t. She should ALWAYS use PSI Freeze Beta first turn, which
will hit for around 220-250 damage, pray it gets solidified as well. Jeff
should always use defend and Ness should use PSI Rockin Beta. PSI Rockin Beta
and PSI Freeze Beta MIGHT kill the Guardian Digger, if it lives and you didn’t
solidify it, it’ll most likely attack. Your teddy bear will be destroyed
whether it uses its normal attack or claw attack. Its claw attack will HURT
if he hits one of your party members with it (Around 100 to Ness and Jeff,
around 80-90 to Paula). If you get lucky he’ll waste his turn by using PSI
Shield Beta (Power shield for physical attacks). Paula should use PSI Freeze
Alpha which will finish them off while Ness and Jeff defend. ALWAYS make sure
you have a teddy bear before fighting them, even if you have to go back to
Twoson to get another, it’s worth it (You find one in the tunnel though).
For the record, I would reset if the mole badly damages somebody (If you’re on
the last mole and Paula gets hit for mortal damage it doesn’t matter as long
as you can kill the mole after). Also, make sure you obtain the exit mouse.
After you kill a mole, use the exit mouse and make a mad dash to the cabin,
pray nobody gets sunstroke. Save your game, re-enter tunnel, get exit mouse,
kill another mole, use exit mouse, make mad dash for cabin and save, repeat
until all 5 are dead. By the way, if you’re at the very end of this
expedition (As in you killed all 5 moles) and Paula got sunstroke and/or is
near death, I wouldn’t worry about it since you won’t be able to use her for
battle purposes very soon anyway.
You want to keep Ness and Jeff healthy since you’ll need them with as much
health as possible for the department store and Monotoli Building (Clumsy
Robots missile = Ouch). Honestly, this isn’t THAT hard to overcome, you just
have to be patient and try to conserve PP for the moles. Another tip, NEVER
have Ness use PP on any of the regular enemies, all his PP should be saved for
the moles. Also, don’t worry if Ness loses all his PP either, you won’t need
to rely on PSI Rockin Beta as you’ll soon have access to Super Bombs.
When all 5 are slayed, the music changes to the desert theme and all the
enemies fall off the face of Earth. Get out of the desert, good riddance I
say, and head off to Fourside. On the bridge you’ll be stopped by George
Montague (Gerardo’s brother) and he’ll give you the treasure they found which
was only a Diamond (Seriously, all that for a diamond?). There is one person
who happens to love diamonds however……..
FOURSIDE REVISITED
First things first, drop the Mr. Saturn Coin that Paula has equipped and give
it to Jeff, which will give Jeff a defensive stat over 100 (My Jeff had 104
defense here) and give Ness the Coin of Defense that you found in the tunnel.
You want to Jeff to have as much protection as possible to help compensate for
his mediocre HP stat. Now head to the Topolla theater and give the manager
the Diamond (Remember she has 1/20 vision like Poochyfud so it has to be right
next to her) and although she says the Diamond is worth maybe only $50, she
frees the Runaway Five (Though talking to her after the Runaway Five come
marching through the door suggests otherwise……). You’ll have to sit through
one last show in which the Runaway Five manage to get their van on stage and
take off into parts unknown.
Though helping the Runaway Five is nice and all, it hasn’t really managed to
solve anything here. However, the once closed department store
(Gwaarrrrggggghhhhh!) is now open again (Gwaarrrrggggghhhhhhh!) so head inside
(Gwaaarrrrrrrgggghhhhhhhh!) In the department store, if you go to the back
warehouse on the second floor you’ll find that thrifty guy who now sells Super
Bombs and big bottle rockets! Buy at least four super bombs (Make Ness hold
two and Jeff hold two) and two big bottle rockets. While you’re at it, buy
Jeff a Hyper Beam as well. I would also buy a Gold Bracelet for Ness. This
place also sells teddy bears. Have 6 or so with you. Just when you’re about
to leave, an alien comes out of nowhere and steals Paula! And the lights go
out too (The mouse saw it coming, stupid mice and their sixth sense…..)
Now you must venture into the office you found into the 4th floor but in
addition to dealing with yet another one of my and that aliens
Gwwwaarrrrggghhhhsss, you’ll have these enemies to deal with (Who are infamous
in helping make this section of the game one of the more difficult ones).
Enemies
Scalding Cup of Coffee: Reset time! They’ll always spill hot coffee on you,
which will hit both Ness, Jeff and your teddy bear. Not fun at all. Super
Bomb kills it.
Mystical Record: If they charge forward, someone will take over 100 damage
(Ness will take near 150) so pray they focus their attacks on a teddy bear.
Super Bomb it.
Musica: Teddy bear can withstand its regular attack, may also use a crash,
boom bang attack. Super Bomb it.
Super bombs kick ass, they hit an enemy from anywhere between 250-380 and will
deal a fraction of that damage to enemies next to the targeted one. Keep in
mind that you need at least two super bombs and two big bottle rockets for the
boss (You can win with just one of each, but if it uses PSI Lifeup Beta the
additional ones will be your insurance policy). Also, I would try to not get
into more than 2 encounters, because you’ll want at least 2 teddy bears too
for the boss (Gwwwaarrrggghhhhh!)
Department Store Spook (800 HP)
Wow. This thing used to give me hell back in the day. But before that, can I
say it? Please? Thanks! GWWWWWWWAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH! The spooks before
battle speech is pretty amusing as well (Can you say new sig on Gamefaqs? The
spook must have been aware that if he said “that” word, soccer moms would be
all over him) Anyways…..the dept. store spook is capable of casting PSI
Freeze Alpha and Beta, PSI Fire Alpha and Beta, PSI Lifeup Alpha and Beta and
PSI Magnet Omega. Needless to say, if it uses PSI Fire at all it may force
you to reset. Remember how I told you to have at least two super bombs and
two big bottle rockets? Well, have Ness throw a super bomb and Jeff use a big
bottle rocket, it might kill the department store spook in one turn. If not,
throw another super bomb for the kill. If it uses PSI Lifeup Beta first turn,
use another super bomb and big bottle rocket. It usually attacks first turn,
which brings me to some good news; if it uses PSI Freeze on your teddy bear,
it will do 0 damage. Nice huh? Needless to say though, it’s attacks can be
very devastating which is why you have a teddy bear (Though if uses PSI Fire,
you can’t block that no matter what).
Overall, thanks to your destructive items you have for this fight, it isn’t
that hard, it’s just a matter of escaping with taking no damage. You don’t
have to be perfect, just don’t have a character in critical health and
especially dead. If Ness has say, 270 HP and he walks out with 170, that’s no
big deal. If Jeff has say, 140 HP and he walks out with around 80, that’s
alright as well. When you get the result you want, the spook says something a
little weird (Paula will become Monotoli? What, is she going inside him or
something?) The lights will go back on and the photographer guy will take
your picture despite this rather dark time for Ness and Jeff on their
adventure. Before you leave, stock up on more teddy bears (At least 4), more
super bombs (4 would be good) and buy at least one big bottle rocket.
What to do next? How about going to where every depressed and miserable
person would go to? JACKIE’S CAFÉ! Head inside, you must talk to the women
beside the host to trigger a new scene. Listen to what she says and head
outside….a bunch of people are staring at what appears to be a corpse (Looks
like kind of familiar). One of them, a scruffy haired kid or guy or whatever
will let you take his spot if you give him something, so do so (It can be
almost anything, would be nice if you had the dirty pair of socks because
that’s all he deserves). Upon walking to the corpse, you’ll notice that he’s
breathing and that stench! It’s Everdred!
Everdred explains that he stole the Mani Mani statue from Carpainter and
planned to sell it in Fourside, but Monotoli tricked him and took it for
himself. Everdred, however, knows Monotoli’s secret and that he gets his
power from the Mani Mani statue. Monotoli tried to “get rid” of Everdred as a
response which explains him laying down in the street and in pain for the
duration of his speech. Before Everdred leaves off into parts unknown, he
says a haiku that you should try for yourself. No I don’t mean try and say
it, try to do what the message is saying.
So go back into the café and use the check command on that small square to the
right of the host, ???.............
Moon nsi ns ide dem
Welcome to Moonside, the alternate universe to Fourside. (Looks like Itoi
modeled this place after Manhattan at night, explaining all the neon lights,
weirdo’s and this place being generally difficult to get around). The first
thing you should know is that yes is no and no is yes. Ok?
Moooonnnnsssssiiiiiiidddddeeeeee. Everyone here has something….interesting to
say. (Ness’s HP falls to 0! Jeff’s HP falls to 0! If you stay here too
long, you’ll end up frying your brain. Yes you will. No you won’t. Yesno
you willwont). In addition to all the interesting people, there are
interesting uh, things that have an interesting non battle sprite as flames....
(Tork110 summed it up best, Itoi should just say no).
Robo Pump: Counts down to three and then uses a bomb. After that it restores
its health to max, counts down to 3 and if you still can’t use it, uses a
super bomb. Not that dangerous, just attack it. It isn’t that bad because a
teddy bear can survive the bomb if it gets targeted.
Enraged Fire Plug: These are very dangerous in a no healing. They will spray
gigantic blasts of water, which will hit everything for around 90 damage
(Including teddy bears). These will probably force you to reset.
Dali’s Clock: Teddy bear terminators, these freeze you in time and then attack
multiple times. Consider yourself lucky if only two teddy bears get
destroyed.
Abstract Art: Attacks and occasionally uses PSI Hypnosis.
Super bombs work here as usual, but save at least two for the boss. Try to
avoid encounters here as much as you can though (Pretty much impossible to
avoid the robo pump in the café though). Talk to any one of those guys with
the aloha shirt and sunglasses and he’ll teleport you to that area where that
captain guy is and look, the Mani Mani statue as well. The captain guy won’t
let you pass since you aren’t with a guy who has connected eyebrows and a gold
tooth (May be forgetting one of his ordinary traits that every person has).
So now talk to the aloha t-shirt guy with sunglasses outside of the hospital
(Hello and…goodbye!) and you’ll be teleported to an area you couldn’t reach
before. Keep on doing this and you’ll reach the back of the hotel, you’ll see
a dark looking character. Talk to him and then talk to the Moonside Mr. T
(Scary) and you’ll be sent to the bedroom of the hotel. Turns out the dark
guy wants to follow you around but he’ll stay out of your epic battles with
evil gas pumps and fire hydrants.
Now talk to the captain again and he’ll finally get out of your way. You’ll
see an old man in front of the statue, it’s gotta be Monotoli, oh he says he
isn’t ok sorry. He teleports away, leaving you with that damned statue (You
don’t have a hammer, but you have bombs and bottle rockets).
Evil Mani Mani (860 HP)
Easy for the most part. Have Ness throw a super bomb while Jeff uses a big
bottle rocket. If it isn’t dead by then, use another super bomb and it will
be. It might use PSI Paralysis, which the teddy bear can absorb. Seriously,
this battle should be a cakewalk.
Now that you’ve destroyed the Mani Mani statue, you’ll find yourself in the
warehouse of the Café. Turns out the Mani Mani statue was actually a device
that created illusions (Explains why Carpainter believed that making
everything blue would benefit the world). Now that it’s destroyed, Monotoli
has lost his power as well. As soon as you get out of the warehouse (Where a
mouse will also tell you that all this time you were wandering around the
warehouse with a “vacant far away look in your eyes”, Apple Kid calls and he’s
having a yogurt making machine delivered but it can only make trout flavored
yogurt (Mmmmmm……I think). Since Apple Kid is only intelligent, not wealthy
(Must be pretty damn poor actually to not afford a cost of $18), he’s having
it delivered to you through Escargo Expresses neglected class.
Upon leaving the Café, a monkey will come out of nowhere and tell you about a
cave with a lot of monkeys in the desert, some guy named Talah Rama wants to
see you (Might be a spoof of the Dalai Lamas), before you can move though,
Escargo Expresses neglected class delivery guy comes by. As well as doing a
crappy imitation of the monkey’s crash, he also FORGOT to give you your
machine and insists that you go get it because it’s your package. Then after
that, Pokey’s maid Electra comes by, overhearing talk about trout flavored
yogurt, she needs some for her guests. So yes, you have to go back to desert
again.
DUSTY DUNES DESERT AGAIN
Head to the drug store and buy a picnic lunch and a skip sandwich and go
through the process of the cave. I’m not going to tell you where each item is
and whatnot, just make sure you pick up the Flame Pendant, Bag of Dragonite
and the Neutralizer. Also remember that you need the pencil eraser here as
well (Annoying place to require it). In Talah Rama’s room, open the chests
since you can sell the items for about $500, which isn’t bad. Rama will heal
your characters and seems like he knows that Ness and Jeff are destined to
great fates, he even knows Paula despite her not being here and Poo despite
not even Ness and co. knowing who he is! Rama will also give you the yogurt
dispenser that the idiot from Escargo left. Then he’ll offer you to have a
monkey teach you to teleport (Aftermath of Itoi’s experiment with angel dust),
you can’t pass up that opportunity, so head outside and before you know it,
you can teleport to any place you’ve been previously!
Take up this opportunity to teleport to Winters and buy Ness a T-Rex bat. Now
teleport back to Fourside.
FOURSIDE AGAIN
If you have at least two teddy bears and six super bombs, go on to the
Monotoli building, if not (You most likely don’t have that many super bombs),
head to the department store and have that amount. You’ll see Electra, so
talk to her and she’ll take your yogurt dispenser (Funny how you can use it in
battle, it’s “help” description is funny too). She’ll also invite you to her
room so now you can take the elevator that was previously blocked. However,
security is very tight near Monotoli’s quarters, you’ll have to go through at
least 1 battle with…..
Sentry Bot: Have Ness or Jeff use a super bomb while the other attacks. Then
finish it off with a regular attack (Ness can also use PSI Rockin Beta).
It’ll kill off a teddy bear when it fires a beam or uses a bottle rocket
(Giving you a dose of your own medicine), can also call for help which can be
a nuisiance.
You can’t avoid the first one you see. You can avoid the one in the room with
the four desks (Go under the last two then squeeze your way through). The one
before Electra’s room can be avoided if you don’t have a teddy bear I think
but I’m not sure (You might be able to avoid it if you use a skip sandwich,
not sure). Anyways, at the end you’ll see a door in which you’ll find
Electra, she’ll give you the crappy yogurt and tell you something that I found
pretty amusing (This is fit for a maid). Through the other door you’ll find
another robot…..
Clumsy Robot (960 HP)
This will be either really easy or a raging pain in the ass. It starts with a
psychic shield that nullifies PSI attacks and is also immune to bottle
rockets. Basically have Ness and Jeff use super bombs, after two turns the
battle will be over if it didn’t heal itself (By eating a bologna sandwich……
lol). Can also fire a missile which will do DEVASTATING damage to Ness and
Jeff (Say bye bye to a teddy bear as well). If it heals after the first turn,
I don’t know if you’ll have enough super bombs left or not. If you can’t
deplete all of its HP, you’ll have to last a prolonged amount of turns. I got
off easy and had this won in 2 turns, besides, what’s a reset or two? Also,
it also has a lot of useless attacks (Cleaning the floor, losing a gear and
some bolts).
In the midst of the fight, the Runaway Five enter the room, duck behind the
robot and flip its switch, turning it off. They call it a “loser robot” (I
wonder if they’d still be saying that after taking its missile attack?) With
that hunk of junk out of the way, proceed to Monotoli’s office. You’d expect
a fight but Monotoli is quick to give up and hides behind Paula. With the
Mani Mani statue destroyed, Monotoli is back to his original state (A withered
old man). When Monotoli obtained the Mani Mani statue, he was so afraid of
the power he was given that he hid statue in Jackie’s Café, a place that he
often went to pray in (Explaining him quietly going in and out). Monotoli
explains that the Mani Mani was the device that attracted evil spirits and
weakened their hearts (Explaining why Monotoli sought the Mani Mani statue in
the first place, as he was power hungry). The Mani Mani statue also told
Monotoli to stop Ness by his own hand and stop him from going to Summers or
knowing anything about the Pyramid. Monotoli also mentioned Giygas, so when
you begin to connect the dots, the Mani Mani statue was in fact, the physical
manifestation of Giygas’ evil influence.
Since it’s revealed that Giygas doesn’t want to Ness to go to Summers,
Monotoli thinks it’s a wonderful idea for Ness and co to go to Summers so he
gives away his private helicopter. But before you can take off, Pokey gets
there first and takes off (Perhaps Pokey was afflicted by the Mani Mani statue
as well, or maybe he’s just a big Cartman fan). With no way to get to
Summers, all hope is lost for Ness, Paula and Jeff and you have no choice but
to give up and let Giygas accomplish his goal of destroying the universe. If
you aren’t an idiot, you’ll ignore that and try to leave, where Paula’s
psychic abilities will kick in, revealing that Threed is to place to be at.
(Note: When Paula comes back to the group, here HP and PP were what they were
before she got kidnapped, damn)
The Runaway Five will give you a lift there (Kind of sucks considering that
you need to go back to the department store). As soon as you get to Threed,
redo your equipment and give Paula the best stuff possible (Again, to
compensate for her low HP) and Jeff the second best stuff possible (My Paula
had a Flame Pendant, Platinum Band and a Mr. Saturn Coin, Jeff had a Night
Pendant, Gold Bracelet and a Coin of Defense). Go to the department store and
buy a Gold Bracelet for Ness, at least two super bombs (Give one to Ness, one
to Paula) and two big bottle rockets.
Now go back to Threed and head to the place where Ness and Paula were locked
in before Jeff saved the day. The two guys from the tent have repaired the
Sky Runner so you can head back to…..
WINTERS REVISITED
Welcome back to Winters. Dr. Andonuts is happy to see Jeff even though he
still wets the bed sometimes(Who doesn’t?). Andonuts has also befriended a
cave boy named Big Foot (Original). Andonuts will repair the Sky Runner
further, enabling you to go to Summers but it’ll take a while so he suggests
you kill some time by checking out Rainy Circle. Upon walking outside, you’ll
find a new enemy along the way……
Mighty Bear Seven: Beefed up version of the mighty bear. Honestly, just avoid
these, they’re out of battle sprite is slow so you should have no problems.
When you reach Rainy Circle, you’ll notice that you don’t have to fight hordes
of enemies. The boss is right there (Easy pickings!). But here are the
enemies anyway (I’m so nice).
Enemies
Elder Batty: Just attack it, not a threat at all.
Arachnid!: Can poison a character, dies to one dose of PSI Freeze Beta and
attacks work well too.
Strong Crocodile: These can hurt you, say bye bye to a teddy bear and if it
happens to attack you, you’ll regret it (Especially if it uses its tail
attack).
And I can’t come up with anything remotely witty or satirical so here’s the
boss.
Shrooom (1,700 HP)
Have Ness and Paula throw a super bomb while Jeff uses a big bottle rocket.
The next turn have Ness use PSI Rockin Beta, Paula attack or use PSI Freeze if
she has enough PP and Jeff use another big bottle rocket which will end this
battle in 2 turns (Which means you’ll have to decline the new age retro
hippie’s offer to join your party for this battle, damn). The ONLY reason
that you should have any trouble with this battle is if its spore attack hits
a character (The first time I fought it, it used it on Paula and she used her
super bomb on Jeff, killing him and the blast also hit Paula, killing her).
If this happens, it could be game over with a capital G (Ho ho, I’m so witty
and satirical!).
When that’s over, your party should get around 32,000 exp (Yes, awesome
indeed). If anybody is on the verge of leveling up, level them up before
entering the healing spot. When you have that out of the way, enter the
healing spot and now your quest to find the 8 “your sanctuary” spots is
halfway complete (And so is your own world….I mean haha I love EarthBound it’s
a great game you ever play it?). Now head back to the lab and Andonuts will
see you off to…….
SUMMERS
Summers is the first place in the game not located in the country of Eagleland
(What country this is, I don’t know, maybe Summers is a separate country?).
Anyways, the Sky Runner will crash in the beach and undergo a massive
explosion, you’ll survive the impact unscathed (Too bad Vince McMahon couldn’t
survive at all…) but the Sky Runner is now gone forever. Summers is a posh
resort town meant for rich people and some of locals are a little irritated to
see three kids separated by mere inches wandering around and to them, ruining
the relaxed atmosphere. Here you’ll find a store, so go in and at least buy a
Big League Bat and a Chef’s Fry Pan. You’ll also find the Stoic Club, which
is a club meant for pseudo-intellectuals.
The enemies here see the return of the mad taxi and the crazed sign, along
with two new foes.
Enemies
Tough Guy: Nothing significant, I think he can lose his temper. Also “comes
out swinging”. PSI Freeze Beta = ggnore.
Oversealous Cop: Palette swap of Captain Strong, he does everything Strong
does. PSI Freeze Beta = ggnore.
Both of these enemies are rare finds here though. Anyways, remember, since
Ness, Paula and Jeff are all students, you should try to get a little
education out of your trip here. Check out the Scaraba Cultural Museum, it
hosts several historical artifacts (Toten Karmen’s lunch box, wow). One of
the people in the museum also mentions that Pokey came here and spent a lot of
money. You can’t check out the room with the Hieroglyphs as the man who owns
the room claims that it’s being remodeled, he hints at a possible bribe but
you don’t have what he’s hinting at (I’m looking for some bills. Have you
seen any bills today? *Wink wink*. Dad, I think he wants you to…Not now son,
daddy’s talking to a police officer). Summers also has a port town called
Toto to the East where ships set sail to Scaraba, so check that out.
You’ll want to visit the shop here (Stereotypical pirate talk = Win) and buy a
Coin of Defense for Ness if you don’t have anything better on him. Then check
out the houses, you’ll find a Jamaican guy who will give you the number to the
Stoic Club. If you talk to all the people here you’ll run into the captain
who doesn’t want to set sail, not because he’s afraid of the Kraken (Why would
you fear a gigantic monster that destroys any ship that passes by?) but
instead is worried about his wife who has given up her Magic Cake business
(Magic….Cake?) and spends all her time in the Stoic Club, ruining their
relationship as she hardly ever sees him.
Now go to any phone and call the Stoic Club and then head in. Inside you’ll
find a bunch of people who are talking complete gibberish (You guys can’t
envision the final collapse of capitalism? Incredible!) One guy is just
throwing a bunch of odd words together (Didactically speaking of course). You
have to talk to the chubby red guy who brings up a lady who used to make magic
cake and that she’s the lady by the entrance (The one with an individual
sprite). So talk to her, she’ll talk complete nonsense as well (She found the
little girl within her and burned a hole in her psyche!) but be completely
surprised to here that you came all this way just to eat her magic cake.
She’ll leave the Stoic Club and go to some cart somewhere, so find it and
she’ll “hook you up” (Cake + LSD + Marijuana = Magic cake, write that down
kids and you can be a success too!)
The magic cake will screw up the screen and cause Ness to have a dream
centered in….
DALAAM
Dalaam is a land located in the far East, it’s where Poo, the Crown Prince
resides. You get to control Poo and your objective is complete the final
stage of Mu Training (No relation to the Mus in Jumping Flash). Unlike the
other three characters, Poo is already quite capable and starts at level 15.
Poo can already cast some good spells too. Anyways, throughout Dalaam if you
talk to all the citizens you’ll find that Poo is quite the ladies man and can
recover PP by drinking water (A phenomenon that you won’t get to witness in
this playthrough). You’ll find various chests containing food which can later
be sold. At the end of Dalaam you’ll find the Place of Emptiness, your
destination and the Star Master, somebody who will eventually be able to
further Poo’s strength.
When he flies off (I laughed a little) head to the top and Poo will begin to
meditate. A girl will tell Poo to stop, but ignore her (Don’t touch the
controller) and Poo will be confronted by the spirit of his ancient lineage
(The jealous spirit). He’ll do a bunch of torturous things to Poo, you must
accept all of them (The spiteful crows are hungry and can’t live on a diet of
cookies alone you know). When everything from Poo is taken from him, his
training will be complete. Head back to the palace and the “master” so to
speak will inform Poo of the greatest evil preparing to destroy the universe
and that he must find Ness, one of the only four people who can try and
confront this evil. Poo levels up to 18 and sets off using Teleport Beta.
Poo will run into Ness soon enough…..
SUMMERS REVISITED
Poo will show up out of nowhere and declare that now his life in Ness’s hands
and joins the party (No questions? No “who the hell are you”? “Where did you
come from?” “Are you going to give us more of that scrumptou…bad magic
cake?”) With Poo in the group, the first place you’ll want to head to is the
museum again, go to the room with the hieroglyphs. Now that you have the item
that this guy wants, give it to him (Poo’s tiny ruby) and you’ll see that
bribing is what makes the world go round. This guy does have some interesting
stuff though, including actual hieroglyphs and two living artifacts (Note:
Teleport back to Fourside and buy two super bombs and two big bottle rockets
before fighting)…..
Shattered Man: Very slow, there’s a good chance all four characters will
strike before he does. Have Poo throw a super bomb and Jeff use a big bottle
rocket while Ness and Paula attack (No need to use PSI). If the super
bomb+big bottle rocket doesn’t do him in, two regular attacks will. While
this guy might not get a chance to attack, if he does it can kill anyone
except Ness in one hit if the teddy bear isn’t targeted (Super plush bear but
I will still refer to them as teddy bears). It also has a habit of getting
SSMMMMAAASSSHHHH attacks as well.
You can avoid the other one after killing the first, but fight both of them
because Poo needs the exp. Your teddy bears are there for a reason anyway
(400 HP now too). Have Poo read the hieroglyphs and now you’ll now the secret
of how to get into the pyramid. When you try to leave, the owner of the room
will stop you and give you a hieroglyph copy (He also speaks about Pokey
coming here from helicopter and taking several pictures of the hieroglyphs,
making the owner a lot of money via a bribe to get in). When you try leaving
the museum, you’ll notice the receptionist is gone and that the phone is
ringing. Being the good citizen you are, take this phone call and its Mr.
Spoon from the Fourside museum.
Mr. Spoon thinks that he’s talking to Mr. Fork (The repeated sprite in the
Summers museum that you might have talked to) and goes on about finding
something “extraordinary”. Teleport over to Fourside and give him a visit.
He’ll let you know about what he’s talking about if you can get him Venus’s
autograph (Singer at Topolla). Head over there and endure the show (Wow look
at that shining sprite go). You’ll notice that Mr. Spoon is trying to get
himself a piece of the action and actually climbs on the stage (Funny
imagining that happening in real life) but gets stopped by security. Now head
to the back and she’ll give you a signed banana peel (Isn’t it hard to write
on something like that?) so go back to the Museum and give Mr. Spoon what he
wants (Uh, innuendo FTW?), he’ll be eccentric and tell you about finding a
shining light far in a manhole and at the end of the trail saw a giant rat.
He’ll let you see it for yourself and move out of the way. But before you go,
make sure you have at least one super bomb and two big bottle rockets for the
boss.
This area is basically a sewer (You get to wander around in swampy water
filled with floating garbage!). I would avoid getting any items, the only one
worth getting is the Broken Bazooka anyway. Just go straight ahead, this
place isn’t too long so you should be able to get by without having to fight
too much. Don’t be afraid to have Ness and Paula use PSI, though Poo
shouldn’t use it very much since you want to save most of it for the boss.
This place is unique in the fashion that every enemy here are palette swapped
versions of enemies you’ve faced before…….
Enemies
Smelly Ghost: It can possess a character and has massive damage, Paula and
Poo will hit for 1 HP of damage, Jeff should do something like 7 damage while
Ness will do around 60-75. Use PSI, though remember it’s resistant to PSI
Freeze. If you one to spare a super bomb works wonders here too.
Deadly Mouse: Evil version of the rowdy mouse. PSI Freeze works, so have
Paula use PSI Freeze Beta while the others attack. It can poison a character
and has a high SMMMAASSSSHHH rate like it’s counterpart.
Attack Roach: It can perform a “continuous attack” which means it gets two
attacks in one turn. Besides that, PSI Freeze it and have the others attack.
The enemies here aren’t that dangerous as long as you have teddy bears. At
the end you’ll run into…
Plague Rat of Doom (1,827 HP)
Almost all of its attacks are SSMMMMMAAASSSHHH attacks. It can also poison a
character, if it doesn’t target your teddy bears you might have to reset.
Have Ness throw a super bomb, Paula use PSI Freeze Beta (Not Gamma, it only
does about 30-40 more damage), Jeff fire a big bottle rocket and Poo use PSI
Freeze Beta. With two characters using PSI Freeze, hope you can solidify it.
After Jeff fires the second big bottle rocket it’ll either be dead or almost
dead. Not tough really, it’s only hard if you have bad luck which means your
teddy bears aren’t being targeted.
When you reach the spot with the shiny magnet (But why is it called magnet
hill??????). You’ll notice a chest which contains a Carrot Key (Not edible).
Remember those rabbits that blocked the way to that cavern in Dalaam? (Note,
buy two or three big bottle rockets before leaving Fourside).
DALAAM REVISITED
You can get your picture taken outside of the palace and inside of it.
Besides that, there isn’t anything to do here besides use that carrot key on
those rabbits. Like magic they disappear all at once (How does Itoi think of
this stuff?). In this cave all the enemies are very hard to avoid and they
seem to pop up more than in other “your sanctuary” places. You’ll have to go
through some interesting folks in this cave.
Enemies
Tangoo: Can inflict poison and sleep. Have Ness and Jeff attack it while
Paula and Poo use PSI Freeze Alpha.
Thunder Mite: Can cast PSI Thunder Gamma, one dose of PSI Freeze Beta kills it
(No relation to the clouds in Mario’s universe).
Conducting Menace: Actually this….electric skeleton (Yeeeaaaahhhhh) can be
pretty dangerous since it can cast PSI Flash. Also casts PSI Thunder Beta.
PSI Freeze Beta is your best option here.
Kiss of Death: It can poison a character with its kiss of death I believe. It
uses that most of the time and if it tries it on your teddy bear, it won’t do
anything. Use a mix of attacking and PSI Freeze Alpha.
You’ll probably have quite a bit of encounters. Remember that the boss here
is weak to PSI Freeze, so you don’t need super bombs. With that in mind,
don’t use too much PSI either. Eventually you’ll make it to…..
Thunder and Storm (2,065 HP)
The first boss with at least 2,000 HP (Don’t play naked twister or this might
happen to you). Thunder and Storm are pretty easy, they’re weak to PSI Freeze
and PSI Flash but you’d probably be better off just having Ness use PSI Rockin
Beta instead. With that said, have Ness use PSI Rockin Beta, Paula use PSI
Freeze Gamma which will hit for over 400 damage, Jeff use a big bottle rocket
and Poo use PSI Freeze Beta (Or Gamma if you have it). Thunder and Storm will
use a crash, boom, bang attack and when they “take a deep breath for the next
assault”, their next attack will kill anyone but Ness. Not a hard battle at
all, you should have it won in no more than 3 turns.
With that over with, now you just need to find the last 2 “your sanctuary”
spots. On the way out of the cave, you’ll obtain the Bracer of Kings for Poo
which will increase his defense by 30 points and increase his luck stat as
well. Now teleport back to Fourside and buy at least two super bombs and at
least one big bottle rocket, then teleport back to……
SUMMERS AGAIN
Head back to Toto and confront the captain. Now that his wife is back to her
business (She can’t sell anymore magic cakes though, someone probably filed a
lawsuit on her) his marriage is back to normal and he can take you to
Scaraba. The Kraken is still prowling in the seas though but the captain
doesn’t seem to care (The captain’s response to the Kraken was pretty funny to
me, “it’ll only cost you your life and you got that for free!”) When you’re
ready, the captain will set sail. During the voyage, the captain will get
seasick right in the middle of the sea (Some captain…..), eventually he’ll
feel better and the voyage will continue. Though he’ll probably have wished
his seasickness would have made him turn back, because here it
ccoommmeeeesssss!
Kraken (1,097 HP)
Reset if anyone gets hit. You need all your strength for the pyramid. With
that said, you can beat this guy in one turn. Have Ness use a super bomb,
Paula use PSI Freeze Gamma, Jeff use a big bottle rocket and Poo use a super
bomb. Pray the Kraken doesn’t breathe fire; three out of four of your
characters will take over 200 damage which translates to a reset. If it uses
a crash, boom, bang attack, hope it hits Ness (Franklin Badge) or one of your
teddy bears. It can also emit a “pale, green light” which is basically the
equivalent to using the Neutralizer, pray it uses this attack.
When you do manage to win this battle unscathed, the captain will note that
while you hit the Kraken hard, it was his him throwing his trusty pair of
slippers at the Kraken that delivered the climactic final blow. The ship will
continue its course to…..
SCARABA
Welcome to Scaraba, the number one place for adventurers (Disney didn’t win
the court case in which they claimed this was a complete rip-off of Agrabah).
Scaraba is your stereotypical desert town, full of turban wearing folks, stone-
made houses and a mysterious pyramid (And take away the “a” from Scaraba…).
Here I would buy a Platinum Band for Ness and Jeff, they’re half price from
what they were in Summers. The thrifty guy also made it here; he’s in the
Hotel. Buy a few super bombs and at least two big bottle rockets from him
(Have at least three super bombs and one big bottle rocket for the boss).
Also in this area you’ll find that “nature called” for Pokey (Yeah, see those
brown specs?...) When you’re ready, head to the pyramid, though on your way
there you’ll have to deal with the possibility of getting sunstroke and
enemies…..
Enemies
Great Crested Booka: Stronger version of the Crested Booka, its regular
attacks do hurt. Paula should PSI Freeze while the others attack.
Beautiful UFO: I actually don’t know too much about this thing except for the
fact that it has high evasion like its counterparts. Not sure if it enters
battle with a psychic shield like the high-class UFO does. Though honestly,
it doesn’t matter since you shouldn’t get into any encounters here.
Dread Skelpion: Can cast PSI Thunder Beta and can poison a character (PSI
Thunder is actually kind of deadly since it has a higher chance of working if
there are multiple targets). One PSI Freeze Beta kills it.
Master Criminal Worm: If you manage to find one, it’ll run for the hills.
Don’t let this sidetrack you, even for the massive exp because if somebody
gets sunstroke you’ll have to reset. If you wind up having to fight this,
it’ll wipe out everybody but the person who has a Flame Pendant equipped since
this thing is capable of casting PSI Fire Gamma.
Like I said though, avoid all encounters. It isn’t worth it. Right by the
pyramid you’ll find a merchant who sells bottles of DX water, useless here.
Unlock the pyramid and proceed. The objective here is to obtain the Hawk Eye,
which will allow you to “pierce the dark” in Deep Darkness. But the minions
who lurk inside don’t really care that what you’re trying to do is save all of
mankind from complete and total obliteration (They only acknowledge you as
somebody who is invading their stronghold)……
Enemies
Guardian Hieroglyph: Its PSI Thunder Beta is a pain in the ass, other than it
isn’t much of a threat. It can “let loose with a hacking cough” which can
give somebody a cold but your teddy bear will usually take the hit and nullify
it. Have everyone attack it.
Asp Hieroglyph: Its regular attack is pretty powerful plus it can poison
somebody (Teddy bear FTW). It’s weak to PSI Freeze. Usually I have Ness and
Jeff attack while Paula and Poo use PSI Freeze Alpha.
Petrified Royal Guard: These things are annoying. In addition to being
somewhat resistant to PSI Freeze, they have very high defense and very
powerful attacks (Over 100 damage to Ness, Paula and Jeff, over 150 to Poo).
Paula and Poo should PSI Freeze Beta because it’ll still do a lot more than
their regular attacks will. Or if you have some super bombs to spare, use one
here. Ness should use PSI Rockin Beta on it.
Fierce Shattered Man: Souped up shattered man, they’re pretty much a poor mans
Petrified Royal Guard. They’re weak to PSI Freeze and don’t have as much
defense, but they’re regular attacks still hurt like hell.
Arachnid!!!” One shot of PSI Freeze Beta will kill it or nearly kill it. Not
really a dangerous enemy at all when you compare it to the other ones here.
You will have to endure several encounters here because there are some
guardian hieroglyphs and asp hieroglyphs that are set on the walls and will
come out when you get near them. You really can’t avoid them. There are also
a couple of rooms that will produce the other enemies, you can try entering
and re-entering (If you’re lucky you can enter with no enemies but the
hieroglyphs there). Basically you have to try and balance out your PP so that
it will last throughout the entire pyramid (Bringing super bombs and big
bottle rockets help). Near the end of the trail you’ll find a casket that
contains an item, oh sorry, it’s not an item…..
Guardian General (831 HP)
Basically it’s a petrified royal guard with more HP. Three super bombs and a
big bottle rocket will kill it (The super bombs may get the job done on their
own). Hope it doesn’t attack one of your party members because it will hurt.
In the room beyond, you’ll find a casket with a Rain Pendant in it, equip it
on Ness. You’ll also find an odd looking tile, so approach it and something
will be unlocked. Now, go back to the room where you found the giant casket
in the middle, it’ll be moved and you’ll see a hole. Approach the hole and
you’ll fall down to an area that has the Hawk Eye. Get it and now you’re
almost home free. There are a few more hieroglyphs that you’ll have to fight
on the way out.
When you manage to exit the pyramid, the Star Master will show up and fully
heal you (Damn straight). However, he’ll take Poo away from the group so that
he can live with the Star Master and learn the way of the Starstorm (Vader
NOOOOOOOO). So for now, it’s back to three party members. This area is very
dangerous since it’s swarming with enemies and the possibility of getting
sunstroke. You’ll see a tribesman with a spear, talk to him and he’ll give
you the Key to the Tower, you’ll also see a merchant who is selling Multi
Bottle Rockets (OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!) but for now you don’t need them so just buy
the French Fry Pan for Paula and the Crusher Beam for Jeff. The enemies here
are pretty dangerous, especially if all of your teddy bears were wiped out….
Enemies
Marauder Octobot: Its regular attack is pretty powerful (Around 90 damage).
It can also steal items and prevent somebody from using regular attacks. Ness
and Jeff should attack while Paula uses PSI Freeze Beta.
High-Class UFO: This one can be dangerous, its regular attack isn’t as
powerful but it starts the battle with a psychic shield that nullifies PSI
attacks. Having Jeff use the Neutralizer here might not be a bad idea since
it has formidable evasion like its counterparts.
Keep in mind that you’ll undergo a mandatory healing spot soon enough, so
don’t worry too much. When you get inside dungeon mans interesting looking
tower (Looks like something out of the Flinstones), you’ll notice the mystical
records and scalding cup of coffees are back. The worthless protoplasms have
also returned (Damn it’s been a while since you’ve seen those). On the second
floor of the tower, you’ll find a new enemy.
Lesser Mook: It can cast PSI Freeze Beta, so hope to god it hits a teddy bear
or somebody with the rain pendant equipped. Have everyone attack it.
When you get to the top, you’ll find Brick Road. You’ll only see his head (I
guess the rest of his body is behind the wall…I hope). He’ll heal everybody
and even join you for a little while. When you get out, head south to where
the palm trees are (Dungeon man kicks ass in battle, he’ll hit for over 350
damage, he’s kind of like EVE). Sadly, Dungeon Man will get caught between
the trees so he’ll have to part ways with you. From here, head right and talk
to the tribesman about the Deep Darkness (Ooooo, losing health just by
wandering in the swamp, perfect for a no healing game!) He’ll tell you that
if you try to swim there (You’d need a hell of a lot of stamina to do that)
you would be dragged in by the swamp. If you had a submarine, it would be a
different story…..
Visit Dungeon Man and of course he’ll have a submarine (Yeah, like he was
gonna say “No I don’t sorry, I guess your quest is over huh?”) So head back
in, when you take the Goodbye Exit, you should see a present that contains the
Mr. Saturn Ribbon. Give it to Paula and then give Jeff the Mr. Saturn Coin
that Paula had equipped before. You’ll run into a yellow submarine (Of
course, the yellow color is purely coincidental). Use the check command near
it and Jeff will repair it, allowing the party to head off to…..
DEEP DARKNESS
The first thing you’ll want to do is find room to teleport out of here and
back to Summers (The best place to teleport is the space where all the monkeys
are). Go back to Summers and stock up on some super plush bears (At least
5). Now have at least $20,000 with you when you head back to Deep Darkness.
Talk to the businessman and buy Diamond Bands for everybody (About half price
from Summers). Next, talk to the thrifty guy who has managed to make it to
Deep Darkness (Persistent guy). Buy two Multi Bottle Rockets from him and
stock up on super bombs (At least 6). Now you should be ready to take this
place on.
A main concern is that when you wander in the swamp, everyone will lose 2 HP
after 5 seconds or so. What I did here was have Ness use PSI Teleport and
then intentionally crash. Using this method, you can cover a lot of ground
quickly and not lose health from the swamp. You can also avoid the enemies
this way…..
Enemies
Zap Eel: AVOID. They use electrical shock attacks which have the biggest
chance of hitting someone and not a teddy bear. Attack it and have Paula use
PSI Freeze.
Strong Crocodile: Devastating regular attacks, have Paula use PSI Freeze on it
while the others attack. Super bombs also work.
Purple Pile of Puke (Not real name of enemy): I didn’t find this guy so I
don’t remember its name. It’s a purple palette swap of the stinky little pile
and mini barf. They can call for help and make everyone cry. PSI Freeze
works on it. Super bombs help here as well.
Big Pile of Puke: Palette swap of Master Belch, they can inflict nausea (Good
thing you have teddy bears). Paula should use PSI Freeze while the others
attack, you can use a super bomb here since it has considerably high HP.
Attack Slug: Easy, they come in groups all the time. Have Paula use PSI Fire
Beta while Ness and Jeff attack, after one turn two of them will be dead.
Then attack the rest. They can however, be a threat if you happen to not have
any teddy bears.
Hostile Elder Oak: Ugh. The main reason why you want to avoid this guy like
the plague is because like its counterpart, it will explode after being
defeated. Everyone will get hit including your teddy bear. Super bomb is
useful here, as is PSI Freeze.
Demonic Petunia: They can inflict paralysis and cast PSI Fire Beta, so AVOID
these, they may very well force you to reset. You know the drill by know
though, attack, PSI Freeze, super bombs, etc.
During the trail you’ll run into Pokey’s helicopter which has crashed. It’s
also missing i’s engine (Perhaps Pokey was dragged to his death by the swamp?
Well, that’s just wishful thinking….)
Manly Fish: It’s resistant to PSI Freeze, so just have everyone attack it.
Its spear will do considerable damage.
Manly Fish’s Brother: How creative. This is one is actually weak to PSI
Freeze, so use it here.
The idea is to reach the boss with as much health as possible (After all, you
won’t get healed until after you clear Lumine Hall). PSI Teleport is very
useful here, if you avoid the Zap Eels and Demonic Petunia’s you should be
ok. At the end you’ll run into Master Belch, who now dons a new color. He’s
trained and is now much stronger. He’s also changed his name to Master Puke.
Master Barf (1,319 HP)
I guess the game made a mistake here, because Belch clearly said his new name
was Master Puke, not Master Barf. No respect! (No, Rodney Dangerfield and
Jabberjaw do not make a cameo appearance here, I’m just saying…..). Just have
Jeff fire an MBR and the battle will most likely be over (Sometimes the MBR
will hit for as “low” as 800-ish damage but usually you’ll hit for over
1500). Just to be safe, have Ness attack and Paula throw a super bomb at
him. He always starts the battle by inflicting nausea on somebody, so hope it
hits a teddy bear or else you’ll probably want to reset (You’ll HAVE to if it
hits Jeff since he plays a pivotal role for the next boss).
When you inflict at least 1,319 points of damage on Puke, Poo will swoop from
the sky and finish off Puke once and for all with his new spell, PSI Starstorm
Alpha. Enjoy the pretty effects and nice damage. Puke will drop the Casey
Bat, the strongest weapon in the game but also the most inaccurate, only
working 25% of the time (A play on the famous poem, “Casey at the bat”). From
here, I would use PSI Teleport to avoid taking damage from the swamp and avoid
enemies on your way to the very end of Deep Darkness, where you’ll find…….
TENDA VILLAGE
Tenda Village is home to the Tendas, who used to live in Scaraba but then left
to find a new home (They were “too innocent” and had to leave). The Tendas
are a unique folk, much like the Mr. Saturns. However, they aren’t up for
conversation as they all suffer from shyness. Everyone but one Tenda suffers
this fate, a Tenda named Bubby who talks about finding dinosaurs beneath the
hole next to him that’s now covered up. The rock takes a lot of strength to
remove and unfortunately for you, the one Tenda with the strength to move it
is also shy (If you’re shy you can’t move a rock even if somebody is begging
you to?). There isn’t anything you can do here, so just save and equip the
Death Ray on Jeff. When you leave, you’ll get a phone call on Apple Kid, who
is now in Winters. Dr. Andonuts is nowhere to be found so he’s waiting for
his return and making the finishing touch on his latest invention, the Eraser
Eraser machine (lol) when he suddenly hangs up. Before you go back to
Winters, I would go to Scaraba and buy a Crystal Charm from the merchant.
Why? Because it increases your speed by a significant amount. When you buy
it, equip it on Ness for now and head back to….
WINTERS AGAIN
Welcome back to Winters, you’ll find Maxwell outside who says Tony has gone
missing (Might have went on his own journey to find his love, Je…his love,
those funky looking hats that he loves to wear). You’ll also see that the
area has become occupied with some different enemies (Man I miss those gruff
goats now….).
Enemies
Whirling Robo: Nothing special about it, it does resist PSI Freeze so just
have everyone attack it.
Wooly Shambler: Capable of casting PSI Flash Alpha, that’s all you really have
to worry about from this thing. Attack it.
Lesser Mook’s are also in this area, so take caution. Don’t use that many
super bombs here, you’ll want some for the Stonehenge base in a little bit.
When you reach the Tessie-watch club, if you talk to some of the people here,
you’ll learn that one of the watchers, Sebastian was kidnapped (Are you
beginning to see a pattern here?) One of them even claims to have seen
Tessie, though he seems to think that Tessie is a UFO who appeared out of the
lake, abducted Sebastian and flew back to Stonehenge.
You’ll find the bubble monkey here, talk to him and he’ll summon Tessie.
Tessie will give you the ride to the next area, which you notice is blocked by
the pencil statue. If you don’t have it, you’ll have to spend an extra minute
going through brick road’s home-made dungeon again. If you do, you’ll save a
minute of time. Keep in mind that it’s practically guaranteed that you’ll get
into at least one fight in this area as well (PSI Teleport helps if you want
to get out of dodge quickly).
Into Rainy Circle, you can take advantage of the now puny enemies by leveling
up characters who are on the verge of leveling up. Though beware, the tough
crocodile can still hit you for over 100 damage. When you finish that, head
to Andonuts’ lab. Apple Kid’s pet is there and explains in a very informing
matter how he felt before he was kidnapped (!!!!.....) He’ll give you the
Eraser Eraser, which can be used to enter the Stonehenge Base, so do so.
Now, you really need to be careful here. You have to keep your health up as
much as possible, which will be difficult because of the enemies….
Enemies
Mook Senior: Honestly, this guy is the MAIN reason this place is hard. It can
cast PSI Fire Alpha and Beta, which can make you reset. Pray it uses PSI
Lifeup Alpha or PSI Freeze Beta (Unless it doesn’t hit your teddy bear).
Don’t be afraid to use super bombs on this thing because you want it dead ASAP.
Starman: The only thing he has over Starman Junior is more HP, otherwise be
glad this guy is considered superior. All it does is do a beam attack which
your teddy bear will usually block, it will waste turns by using a sudden guts
pill (It can’t get SMMAASHHHH attacks because it’s attack is a beam) and being
on guard (Jeff will still hit for normal damage). Have everyone attack it.
A good tip to get a surprise encounter: Approach the Starman from the front,
not the back and you will. I would just run away if you pull this off, it’s
not worth fighting here. As you get deeper into the base, it’ll become more…
technological. You’ll also find two more enemies…..
Atomic Power Robot: Just run away. Seriously. They can fully restore its own
HP or its allies HP and will blow up when destroyed (Now you know why I told
you to pick up a Crystal Charm)
Starman Super: They can cast PSI Healing Omega, which will fully restore the
HP of an ally who you previously got rid of. Besides that, their pretty much
the same as the Starman, only gold, with more HP and the rare possibility of
dropping the Sword of Kings for Poo (Not worth it, don’t bother). Just attack
it.
As you venture even farther, you’ll find a separate room with the exit mice.
Take one and head into the next room, which is constantly flashing. It’s kind
of hard to see here, and the enemies here aren’t going to make your situation
any easier. Here you’ll mainly fight a new kind of enemy…..
Mechanical Octobot: Have everyone attack it. Its beam is very powerful and
will kill a teddy bear in 2 hits, so you should definitely use a super bomb
since you’re almost at the end anyway.
Ignore the items and head straight to the next room, where you’ll find Dr.
Andonuts, Sebastian, Mr. T (Man, what an adventure for him. Going from vowing
never to kidnap anybody in Twoson to not wanting to be disturbed while he was
busy doing nothing in Moonside to serving water in the Stoic Club and now
being some hick on a farm), the New Age Retro Hippie, Mr. Saturn, Apple Kid
and Tony. All of them are gasping for air, so you’d better do something about
it (Unless of course, you’re bored of this game now, then by all means, turn
it off and let them suffocate). In the next room you’ll find the boss of
Stonehenge who seems to have some speech problems. Though he’s being convinced
that the Apple of Enlightenment may be true (Which is some sort of thing that
prophesized that Giygas would fall to the power of three boys and one girl),
he also doesn’t think you should underestimate the power of Giygas and his
minions (Which you shouldn’t, because if you aren’t properly prepared here,
you can say hello to the reset train, CHOO CHOO!). Before the battle, equip
the Crystal Charm on Jeff.
Starman Deluxe (1,400 HP)
If Jeff died along the way here, you have no chance of winning this battle.
Otherwise, if he has the crystal charm equipped, he should strike before
Starman DX does. Let loose with a Multi Bottle Rocket while Ness attacks, Poo
uses a super bomb and Paula attacks. If the MBR doesn’t kill him, the others’
attacks will (Though hope the MBR OHKOs him, as he ALWAYS uses PSI Starstorm
Alpha the first turn). If everything goes accordingly, Starman DX will go
down without getting a turn in and not screw up like I did here (When I beat
Starman DX, Paula was dead, Poo barely had any PP and Ness lost more than half
of his HP).
The destruction of Starman DX will stop the Stonehenge from functioning. All
the enemies will now be gone forever (No Sword of Kings for you), so now you
can safely pick up the Pixie Bracelet here. All of the folks who were
kidnapped and placed in those confining pods will now be set free. Talk to
Mr. Saturn and he’ll give you a Saturn Ribbon for Paula. Talk to the Apple
Kid and he’ll mention that he returned the “Overcoming Shyness” book back to
the Onett library, so guess where you’re going? (No, not Disney World, that’s
AFTER you beat Giygas)
ONETT REVISITED
It’s been a LOOONNNGGG time since you’ve been here. If you want, you can
purchase the crappy house. You can read an amusing story in the house and get
your picture taken in it (You get a great view of the sea too……). When you’re
done living in the past (OMG FRANK AND MAYOR PIRKLE), head to the Library and
pick up the book, then head to……
TENDA VILLAGE REVISITED
Give the book to the Tenda leader and he’ll read the book to all of the
tribesman. Now everyone will talk to you. Keep in mind, that when you talk
to the leader, after he cures everyone of their shyness by reading the book,
every living character will have their HP and PP restored (Big break for me!)
Talk to the leader after he gives you the Tendakraut and he’ll give you a bag
of dragonite. Also, the trading post is now open; a Tenda who has a fetish
for the Horn of Life will give you an item on his list in exchange for one
(You can’t choose, though). Do this before you get to Magicant because one of
the items is another bag of dragonite which you’ll need for the boss battle in
Magicant.
Now that all the Tenda’s aren’t shy, talk to the one by the rock and he’ll use
his strength and throw it away into the great beyond. Head down the hole and
you’ll see a rock with a face. You can’t leave until you talk to him (Can you
blame him? I’d imagine rocks would get pretty lonely), so do so. And then
venture into the Lumine Hall cavern. As usual, try your hardest to avoid the
enemies here….
Enemies
Fobby: Ok, these guys aren’t a threat at all, even if you get stuck fighting
six of them (Well maybe). Two attacks will kill it, they can use the deadly
HP Sucker (!!!!!!!!!!!!!).
Conducting Spirit: Ok, these guys are no laughing matter. They can cast PSI
Thunder Gamma and PSI Flash Beta (PSI Flash Beta is HELL to anyone not wearing
a Night Pendant since it can cause instant death on occasion) Have Paula PSI
Freeze Gamma it while the others attack (Poo can throw a super bomb here)
Uncontrollable Sphere: Hopefully by now you understand that any enemy capable
of casting PSI Fire Beta is an enemy you want to avoid like the plague. They
also explode when killed, so they may force you to reset.
Hyper Spinning Robo: Easy. They’re weak to PSI Freeze so have Paula or Poo
use PSI Freeze Gamma while the others attack it.
In this cavern you’ll find Poo’s Diadem of Kings but I would go after it after
killing the boss since the enemies will run away from you after. Right before
the boss you’ll find a present that contains the Rabbit’s Foot, a very
important item. When you obtain it, approach the…..
Electro Specter (3,092 HP)
One of only three bosses that have at least 3,000 HP, the Electro Specter is
kung fu fighting, although this cat may be as fast as lightning, and in fact
it starting with a psychic power shield may make it a little bit frightening,
Ness and the gang fought with expert timing. Seriously, me typing all of that
just now should hopefully give you the idea that this fight is a joke, because
it is. The Electro Specter likes to use some of those Jeff-only items such as
the Hungry HP Sucker, the Neutralizer and the Shield Killer (LOL).
It’s only actual attack is a crash, boom, bang attack. Somebody has the
Franklin Badge so honestly, you can’t lose (Unless the Hungry HP Sucker of
doom does you in somehow). If Jeff has an MBR, this will speed up the win
considerably. Have him use the Neutralizer as well so Ness, Paula and Poo can
pound him with PSI attacks (PSI Rockin Gamma from Ness, PSI Freeze Gamma from
Paula and Poo, it’s weak to Freeze so Gamma will do more than Starstorm). I
couldn’t imagine you losing this battle unless you had only one person alive
and that person didn’t have the Franklin Badge (Though if that happened to
you, how in God’s name did you even make it this far?).
After you win (The Electro Specter “became tame”, wtf? What the hell is that
thing supposed to be anyway?) Go back and get Poo’s Diadem of Kings if you
want (It only increases his defense by 20 points, and defense doesn’t help
against PSI attacks). Ness’s thoughts will appear on the wall (Soon I’ll be
what? Soon I’ll be naked? Soon I’ll be with Paula? Soon I’ll be Tom
Hanks?) The only place to go is to jump down that creepy hole, so go ahead
and you’ll wind up in the…..
LOST UNDERWORLD
Welcome to the lost underworld, think of this place as where the Land Before
Time took place, only now gigantic orbs with a cunning smile are running
around, presents placed in weird areas, talking rocks, Tendakraut loving
Tenda’s, birds that act like phones, a weird cave and a firey hot cave (Yeah,
damn that Giygas!) The first thing I would do here is teleport the hell out
as you’re too far away from a phone and REALLY want to avoid the enemies
here…….
Enemies
Chomposaur: Lets see, it can kill anyone except Ness in one hit, can cast PSI
Shield Beta (Physical power shield, bombs and bottle rockets lose their
effectiveness now) and can cast PSI Fire GAMMA. Run away if you run into it,
because otherwise you’re going to have to reset (Also auditioned to be on the
Flinstones but didn’t get the job as it had psychic powers and was generally
too mean).
Wetnosaur: Not as dangerous as the Chomopsaur, but it can still kill anyone
but Ness in one hit. You could probably beat this thing since it can only
target one person I believe (Teddy bears FTW). Have Paula PSI Freeze it while
the others attack (Use a super bomb if you have it).
Ego Orb: Giygas couldn’t quite think of what new minion he was going to create
new day, then he overheard somebody say “Man, you have an ego the size of
Texas!”. Thus, the Ego Orb was born. This is basically a poor mans
Wetnosaur, it can only target one character. It’s weak to PSI Freeze so abuse
it.
But as I said earlier, teleport out. Head to Deep Darkness and buy at least 3
MBRs (If you don’t have them already). Then I would teleport back to Summers
and stock up on Super Plush Bears (Have 6-8 with you). From there, save your
game and now teleport back to the Lost Underworld. Notice how you’ll be taken
to an area that has a phone near it? Go there and save your game, now you can
reset if you get into an encounter. The Sea Pendant is up ahead, so MAKE SURE
YOU ACQUIRE IT. Giygas will be 35435647658765986790809443543567x times harder
without it. Up ahead you’ll also find the giant cage area, the boss will take
your Tendakraut from you (NOOOOOOO) and let you in.
In this area, you’ll find a shop. Buy the Ultimate Bat and the Holy Fry Pan
(Arguably Paula’s best weapon, the Magic Fry Pan being the other). You’ll
also find a rock that has “something important to say” and basically talks
about how when you find all “your sanctuary” spots, you’ll find your own world
and that doing so may falter Giygas’ plan to destroy the Universe. When you
talk to him, all your living characters will have their HP and PP restored, so
save before talking to him (If you even want to talk to him, that is).
Up ahead you’ll find a strange cavern where you’ll see something that appears
to be a destroyed Sky Runner. Nothing much you can do here so head out and
continue on, also around here you’ll run into the Cloak of Kings for Poo, so
obtain it if you want. When you head down South, you’ll find another bird-
phone thing (Ok, this area HAS to be a parody of the Flinstones). Up ahead
you’ll find the Fire Springs cavern.
This place really isn’t that bad as long as you’re prepared (Several teddy
bears). Only a couple of enemies are dangerous….
Enemies
Soul Consuming Flame: It’s weak to PSI Freeze and has defense stat of 6, so
even Poo will hit it very hard. Just have everyone but Paula attack it, Paula
should PSI Freeze Gamma it. While it’s easy to kill, if does manage to get an
attack in, it can be very devastating. For instance, it can hit the whole
party for over 200 damage with its fire breath attack.
Evil Elemental: All it can do is attack and try to possess somebody; your
teddy bear handles both nicely. Just have everyone attack it.
Psychic Psycho: These are very dangerous since they usually come with its
counterpart, the Major Psychic Psycho. They usually cast PSI Fire Alpha which
will probably warrant a reset. Have everyone attack it as it starts the
battle with a psychic shield.
Major Psychic Psycho: These are VERY dangerous as they usually cast PSI Fire
Beta. Also starts with a psychic power shield. Since they usually come with
a Psychic Psycho, you’ll probably have to reset here.
You’ll usually only encounter the PPs and MPPs in the tunnels within the
cavern. And remember, with the Rabbit’s Foot equipped you do have a decent
chance of running away. At the end of the cavern, right before the boss,
equip Jeff with the Rabbit’s Foot. Not only because you want him to strike
before the boss but because of some very good information that Floogal of
Gamefaqs provided me with (Which he got from Nitrodon of Starmen.net).
“The probability of an enemy dodging a normal bottle rocket is ((2*target
speed) - Jeff's speed) percent. Big Bottle Rockets and Multi Bottle Rockets
try to hit the enemy 5 and 20 times respectively at 120 power. Bottle rockets
can work on any enemy if you have enough speed. Criminal Caterpillar and
Master Criminal worm are too fast to hit without the rock candy glitch, and
you can't increase Jeff's speed enough to hit Clumsy Robot by the time you can
battle him. Anyone else can be hit by Jeff equipped with the Rabbit's Foot.”
So with that said, the Rabbit’s Foot will also greatly strengthen the power of
the MBRs, which will help greatly against one of the most infamous bosses in
the game…..
Carbon Dog (1,672 HP)
Have Jeff fire off an MBR the others attack or whatever. One MBR should do
over 2,000 damage or at least do enough to kill it. Easy right? And you
wonder why many have regarded this as the hardest battle in the game.
Hey, what the hell is going on? The spirit of an angry science teacher has
possessed the Carbon Dog and wants to teach these school-skipping kids a
lesson they’ll never forget!
Diamond Dog (3,344 HP)
Is this the lesson that angry science teacher wanted to teach Ness and the
gang? Ok, hopefully now they’ll understand not to enter a boiling hot cavern
with all their clothes on…or was it something else he was trying to teach in
the form of example? (Yeah, sorry guy, we already know THAT, keep your tie on
for god’s sake). Anyways, you’ll notice that Jeff will be the victim of the
Diamond Dogs physical power shield and will take over 1,000 damage. Have
everyone defend while Jeff uses another MBR (He should enough HP to pull it
off before dying unless he took a couple of PSI Fire’s beforehand) and the
next MBR will take off between 2,000-2,800 (I did 2,737 here). When Jeff
dies, have Ness use PSI Rockin Gamma while Paula uses PSI Freeze Omega and Poo
uses PSI Starstorm Alpha. Very easy battle unless Jeff is dead, then it
becomes a nightmare because the carbon dog has that damn fire breath attack
that hits everybody. Its main threat is when it does an attack equivalent to
PSI Flash Beta but you only have to worry if somebody dies from it or feels
strange. Then again, if Ness, Paula and Poo are hammering it with PSI attacks
this battle should only go say, 3 more turns. Poo can also use PSI Freeze
Gamma if you want a chance to solidify it.
When you win, if you want you can go back and get the Moon Beam Gun for Jeff
and the Cherub’s Band but it isn’t necessary at all. Remember to make sure
that Ness has the Sea Pendant, Rabbit’s Foot, three Bags of Dragonite and at
least one Super Plush Bear before you enter the spot. You’ve finally reached
all 8 power spots of the Earth and now Ness will enter the realm of his mind……
MAGICANT
Welcome to Magicant. This place basically has many people, animals and things
that Ness has encountered some point in his life. You’ll find some snowmen
that he made, birds that would chirp a song that Ness would remember, Ness’s
younger self and of course, some of the villains that Ness put a hurting on.
The main objective here is for Ness to encounter the evil side of his mind
which perhaps, is beginning to grow. After you’ve finished exploring the
various contents here (Including Pokey who has been seemingly jealous of Ness
years before Ness’s journey started), head out to the Sea of Eden. Remember
to pick up a Flying Man too. Before you head out, make sure Ness has the
Rabbit’s Foot equipped.
On the way there, you’ll encounter enemies who appear to be figments of Ness’s
wild imagination…….
Enemies
Loaded Dice: It’ll go down in 2 attacks but all it will do is call for help
and it will always succeed. The enemies that will come and help it depend on
the background. If the background is blue, Fobby’s and Electro Swoosh’s will
join in, if it’s that other background, High Class UFOs and Care Free Bombs
will join (Care Free Boms are REALLY ANNOYING!) Always focus on the Loaded
Dice and then kill it’s allies.
Electro Swoosh: Not a threat, just attack it. It uses electrical shock
attacks twice before using a charge attack, but you should have no problem
killing it before it uses it.
French Kiss of Death: Easy. All it ever does is use the French kiss which can
inflict poison but you have a teddy bear and a flying man to distract it.
Attack it.
Mr. Molecule: Another easy foe, it can use PSI but it will take four turns
before it can use it. The only time you might have to worry is if it comes in
four. If that’s the case, equip the Sea Pendant during battle so you’ll be
protected from PSI Freeze and PSI Fire.
Care Free Bomb: UGH! These can easily force you to reset. They have decent
defense and can throw super bombs which can hit you for over 250 damage. I
would try running away since the rabbit’s foot will give you a giant boost in
speed. If you don’t have the rabbit’s foot equipped (Always have it equipped
before battle), PSI Paralysis can work on it. If you do manage to succeed
with it, the care free bomb will become helpless.
In the beginning of this trail, I would highly recommend picking up the
Goddess Band. It will give you a very nice boost in luck. If you have an
extra slot, go ahead and pick up the bag of dragonite as well (It can’t hurt
unless your pack is full then don’t get it). You’ll also stumble upon the
Magicant Bat, which for some reason can’t be dropped once you get it, but hey
it’s the third best bat in the game. When you get to the strange looking
object at the end, use the check command and you’ll be teleported to the Sea
of Eden. Take off the rabbit’s foot and equip the Sea Pendant here. The Sea
of Eden is the center of Ness’s emotions but, it’s also home to three familiar
foes…..
Kraken (1,097 HP)
The sea pendant will protect you from its fire breath and flash attack.
However, its tornado attack will still hit you for a little over 100 damage.
Constantly attack it.
You can’t avoid the first Kraken here, but you CAN avoid the other two. If
you can avoid them, I would recommend it. If not, it isn’t a big deal as if
you kill them now and lose to the boss, you won’t have to worry about them
when you come back. At the end, you’ll find the evil side of Ness’s mind,
which comes in the form of the Mani Mani statue. Since you’re the reason it
exists, it can use many of your attacks and the reason it comes in the form of
the Mani Mani statue is because the Mani Mani was the device that created evil
illusions (If you were to say, lose, then you could probably say evil would
overtake Ness’s mind and Giygas would be able to manipulate him).
Ness’s Nightmare (1,654 HP)
Arguably the hardest boss in the game, and perhaps the hardest boss in a no
healing game, Ness’s Nightmare requires luck to beat in this challenge without
a doubt. It can cast PSI Rockin Omega which will either kill you in one hit
or badly cripple you. It can also cast PSI Lifeup Beta which makes it a huge
pain in the ass. It can cast PSI Shield Beta as well, which makes it even
more annoying here. Now you know why you had to bring those bags of dragonite
here. The bags of dragonite will allow you to hit Ness’s Nightmare for 550-
700 damage per use. It’s the only way you can win this battle since it can
kill you off quickly. The sea pendant greatly helps as well because it uses
an attack equivalent to PSI Flash Beta, which can kill you instantly or
paralyze you which is just as bad since it paralysis prevents you from using
items.
Basically, use the bags of dragonite (duh). If it leads off with PSI Rockin
Omega, you’ll lose since it takes at least 3 to kill it. Hope it leads off
with PSI Rockin Alpha or that flash attack. The second turn it might use PSI
Lifeup Beta, which is ok because you aren’t getting hit with PSI Rockin
Omega. If it casts PSI Shield Beta, I’m not sure if it will cut the damage
done by the dragonite in half or not, but you will take half damage. Dealing
600 damage and receiving 300 can be just as devastating as taking PSI Rockin
Omega. This is how I won the fight:
-NN used PSI Rockin Alpha
-Ness used BoD
-NN used flash attack
-Ness used BoD
-NN used PSI Rockin Omega
-Ness used BoD
Well, it went something like that. Anyways, if go into this fight expecting
not to win, it’s ok if you lose. Because when you come back at least one
Kraken will be dead and you’ll keep your exp. You can also get up to 4 more
flying men so the only thing you really lose is any BoDs you used (Don’t use
any if you don’t expect to win, duh) and teddy bears. Eventually, you should
come out on top and Ness will overcome and vanquish the evil in this mind and
absorb the eight power spots. Ness will get a gigantic stat, HP and PP boost
and learns PSI Teleport Beta as well.
When Ness wakes up, the Sound Stone will be gone (Remember when Buzz Buzz
said “When the chosen boy reaches the point, shattering the nightmare rock”?
It also gives me the implication that the Mani Mani statue wasn’t destroyed
back in Moonside, its spirit lived on inside of Ness, boiling up inside of him
ready to control his mind). The group will teleport to Saturn Valley and
you’ll find out that the prototype Phase Distorter has been stolen (By someone
resembling a pig with clothes….hmmmmmm). Luckily, Andonuts, Apple Kid and Mr.
Saturn have managed to nearly complete the Phase Distorter 2, which is capable
of instantly traveling to any location. However, it’s missing one key
component; a material normally found in meterorites, Zexonyte (Something like
that). Remember when that meteorite fell in Onett? It’s time to make a
return there, but Giygas is aware of your intentions and has dispatched some
troops there……
ONETT AGAIN
Onett is now dark and everyone has barricaded themselves in all of the
buildings, afraid to come out. You no longer have access to areas such as the
hotel, the drug store, hell even your own house that you purchased (Always
lock the door, or maybe some person had a bad key machine on them……). The
only thing you can do here is get that material but now Onett is occupied by
some of the strongest enemies in the game. Note, if Ness has the Rabbit’s
Foot on, I would suggest running away. Or you can give it to Paula, because
her going first will let her set up a psychic shield on everyone which can
come in handy….
Enemies
Ghost of Starman: They ALWAYS open up the battle with PSI Starstorm Alpha. If
Ness has the rabbit’s foot, run away, if you gave it to Paula, have her use
PSI Shield Omega and you’ll win instantly as it will take four separate doses
of PSI Starstorm (Any allies with it as well).
Evil Eye: They’re weak to PSI Freeze, one dose of PSI Freeze Omega usually
kills it. They can cast PSI Brainshock Omega, which always seems to miss
Paula (For me, at least) and PSI Paralysis Omega. They can also diamondize a
character, but after abusing it’s weakness to freeze it shouldn’t be doing
that much.
Mechanical Octobot: Uh yeah, kind of easy considering this is the same place
where GoS’s flock. It has a beam attack and can steal an item from you. Just
attack it or whatever.
If you get to the meteorite with a badly damaged party (Say, everyone but Ness
dead), it doesn’t matter as at the end of the game you’re fully healed
anyway. When you get the meteorite, teleport the hell out and head back to
Saturn Valley. Give Andonuts the meteorite piece and sleep at the hotel.
Before you move on, make sure you have several teddy bears, a crystal charm
and at least 2-3 MBRs. Now tell him you’re ready to board the Phase
Distorter, which will take you to….
LOST UNDERWORLD REVISITED
Hey, you’re back in that weird cave you found in the Lost Underworld. As you
walk forward, the Star Master will show up out of nowhere and fully heal you.
He’ll also give Poo PSI Starstorm Omega, one of the three strongest attacks in
the game (PSI Rockin Omega and MBRs being the other two). Up ahead you’ll see
that crashed object you saw before and it turns out it was actually a crashed
Phase Distorter. If you check it, you’ll find a horn of life (Useless!).
Walk around a bit (What’s up with that pointy object…thing?) And another
Phase Distorter will show up. Andonuts, Mr. Saturn and Apple Kid will come
out of it and Andonuts will explain that Giygas is attacking from this very
location but many years in the past. Giygas can be reached by using the Phase
Distorter 3, which can travel to the past.
However, living things can not be transported as all organic life would be
killed in the process of warping. The only way to pull this off would be
transfer Ness and co’s spirits into robots and send the robots to the past.
The only catch is, he can’t promise that Ness and the gang will be able to
return to their bodies after the battle with Giygas is over (When I first
reached this part, many years ago, I found this very disturbing and it scared
me to the point where I was actually afraid to proceed with it. I didn’t like
the concept of Ness and the gang having the possibility of not being able to
return to normal. But I was pretty little back then too so yeah.)
You don’t have much of a choice, so Andonuts, astonished with your courage,
will go on with the transfer. The Phase Distorter 3 will undergo a somewhat
lengthy warp to the same location, but in an undetermined number of years into
the past…..
CAVE OF THE PAST
Welcome to the final section of the game and the final section of the no
healing game challenge. You’ve managed to undergo the desert tunnel, the
Fourside department store, the pyramid, Deep Darkness, the Stonehenge base and
other areas that seemed challenging enough in a normal game without healing
once. You have just one more challenge left; to reach and get rid of the
scourge of the Universe, Giygas without healing once. Put the Crystal Charm
on Ness and the Rabbit’s Foot on Paula. If you get into a battle with an
enemy that isn’t a Ghost of Starman or a Final Starman, run away, if not have
Paula use PSI Shield Sigma (I highly doubt you have Omega, plus Sigma costs
less PP). Since Paula has the Rabbit’s Foot on, you won’t have to worry about
the enemy killing off your party with PSI Starstorm. In this eerie, white
place (The music is the perfect touch as well), you will find a crapload of
enemies, especially in the final area.
Perhaps the hardest part of this will be to reach Giygas without Paula dying.
If Paula dies, you have to reset. In this cavern, the ghost of starman is
back to make your life a living hell. You’ll also find three new enemies in
the first area….
Enemies
Wild ‘n Wooly Shambler: It can cast PSI Flash Beta, very dangerous. Run away
from it or just have everyone attack.
Ultimate Octobot: Its beam attack hurts. Paula and Poo can PSI Freeze it
while the others attack.
Nuclear Reactor Robot: RUN AWAY. You know what these things do.
Squatter Demon: Have everyone attack it. It can only target one thing and
teddy bears protect you from its attacks.
At the end of the first area, you’ll run into a present that contains the
Legendary Bat, arguably Ness’s best weapon. In the second area, you’ll find
two new enemies…..
Bionic Kraken: Basically it’s a Kraken with a little less HP. PSI Freeze
works here.
Final Starman: They have an array of PSI spells. They can cast PSI Starstorm
Alpha AND Omega, can cast PSI Shield Beta (Physical), PSI Brainshock Omega and
PSI Healing Omega. They also start battle with a psychic power shield. The
Neutralizer can work if you’re stupid enough to attack it. Run.
In the third and final area, you’ll see MANY, MANY enemies. There are so many
here that the game will experience slowdown often. In this area you can also
fight three enemies at once (GoS, Nuclear Bot and Final Starman). Run like
hell and hopefully if you’re lucky enough, you’ll reach Giygas’s Lair with
everyone in good condition (Especially Paula!) You’ll be pleased to know that
Giygas is so massive that his lair consists of….himself. Yep, you’re getting
your mechanical fingerprints all over Giygas’s innards. You’ll also be
accompanied by a laboring, constant breathing that Giygas makes (Scared me
like hell here, considering this is the same game where you fought enemies
like new age retro hippies and old men grumbling about today’s youth). The
game did a very good job of addressing a very serious moment in what for the
most part is a humorous game (I found Giygas VERY intimidating).
Right before you engage Giygas, give the rabbit’s foot to Jeff. As stated
before, it will greatly increase the power of his MBRs. Make sure Paula has
the Sea Pendant and Franklin Badge, seriously, MAKE SURE. At the end, you’ll
run into what seems to be Giygas’s “face”. If you look closely enough, you’ll
see what appears to be his eyes and mouth. What you’ll probably notice first
though is a big ball….thing that will begin to resemble Ness’s face. After
the constant shaking ensues, none other than….Pokey shows up in a large spider
mech (I was terrified at this point, hey, if people got scared at wussy games
like Silent Hill and Resident Evil, why couldn’t I be scared here? Plus it
just seemed terrifying to me, the thought of Pokey now emerging as part of the
final fight and hellbent on helping Giygas destroy the Universe).
Pokey will explain that he only assists the strong and able (Hence explaining
why he said he no longer had any use for Monotoli back in Fourside) and that
while the Apple of Enlightenment may have been able to predict what it did so
accurately, it wasn’t able to predict that Giygas would become evil itself.
However, Pokey mentions that he cannot control it on his own (May give you an
idea why Pokey is assisting Giygas) and that Giygas is the “Evil power”,
starting in my opinion, the greatest final boss battle in video game history.
Giygas (Infinite HP)
Heavily Armed Pokey (???? HP)
Ok, Giygas is invincible here, any attacks you try on him will be deflected
back in your face. So, focus all of your attacks on the pig king. Ness
should attack while Paula uses PSI Shield Sigma which will protect the party
from being killed off by Giygas’s endless onslaught of PSI Rockin Alpha and
Beta. Note that Giygas will probably go before Paula does, so hope he leads
off with PSI Rockin Alpha. Jeff should be firing MBRs while Poo uses PSI
Freeze Gamma. Pokey will “discharge a stinky gas” which lowers everybodies
offense, no big deal. After Paula casts the shield, have her use PSI Freeze
Omega.
Pokey should go down in 3-4 turns, and explains that if the gang were to see
Giygas’s real form, they’d be petrified with fear. Pokey proceeds to turn off
the “Devil’s Machine” which was some sort of device that contained Giygas’s
incredible power and hid his true form, which is now exposed as a very
disturbing figure for a game like EarthBound. Pokey talks about that Giygas
can no longer think rationally has no control over his actions, his own mind
was destroyed his incredible power. Pokey explains that the gang “will be
just another meal to him” (Makes you think, now that Giygas is an “all-mighty
idiot” as Pokey says, it makes you wonder, maybe Pokey is just trying to use
Giygas for his own bidding?) This will initiate phase 2…..
Giygas (Infinite HP)
Giygas’s attack will be an attack that can not be comprehended due to its
massive power. It does one of three things; PSI Thunder Beta, PSI Freeze
Alpha on the whole party or PSI Flash Beta. Since Paula has the franklin
badge, she’s protected from thunder and with the sea pendant she’s unaffected
by flash attacks and will only take like 7 damage from freeze. You pretty
much have this fight in the bag now. Anyways, now you basically have to hit
Giygas with everything you have. Ness should use PSI Rockin Gamma while Paula
uses PSI Freeze Omega while Jeff fires off MBRs while Poo uses PSI Starstorm
Omega. Eventually, Pokey will come back and note that you’re capable of
telepathy and taunts you to “try and call for help”, initiating phase 3…..
Giygas (Infinite HP)
In this phase, Paula must now use her Pray command over and over, which will
get mostly every notable character in the EarthBound Universe to pray for the
party’s safety (Human emotion is Giygas’s true weakness, which drove Giegue
away, see the connection?) Eventually, it’ll get to the point where the name
you entered for Tony’s school project will pray for the safety of the kids
despite having never met them before (I entered the name Shigesato Itoi for
this playthrough….). Giygas will take around 50,000 damage and will be on the
verge of death. Pokey shows up, amazed that Giygas was able to be defeated
and sneaks off into another era to think about this next plan, leaving you to
take the full blow of Giygas’ implosion.
The robots have been badly damaged, but the spirits of the kids leave the
robot bodies, find their way back to Saturn Valley in the current time and re-
enter their normal bodies. A gloomy and dark end game has to be countered
with a happy end. Congratulations, you’ve beaten EarthBound without healing!
V. Credits
-Thanks to Shigesato Itoi for creating EarthBound and the Mother series.
-Thanks to NoA for translating EarthBound.
-Thanks to every possible person associated with the development of
EarthBound, English and Japanese versions.
-Thanks to Starmen.net, for helping popularize EarthBound and helping it get
the recognition it deserves as one of the greatest games of all time (In my
opinion of course).
-Thanks to Gamefaqs who gave me the possibility of submitting a walkthrough
like this.
-Thanks to CJayC for creating Gamefaqs