*******************************************************************************
* EXCLUSIVE DEATH SCENES FAQ FOR BRAIN DEAD 13 *
* (Version 1.0) *
* *
* Author: Deborah L. Kearns *
* E-mail: angeldeb82@comcast.net *
*******************************************************************************
Copyright © 2012 by Deborah L. Kearns
Brain Dead 13 is a trademark of ReadySoft, Coconuts Japan, and Digital Leisure.
Brain Dead 13: Copyright © 1995, 1996, 1997, 2010 by Digital Leisure.
===DISCLAIMER===
This FAQ is intended ONLY for private home use and may not be reproduced
through electronic or commercial means without the consent of the author
(Deborah L. Kearns). It cannot be hosted, edited, or distributed for profit
and may not be given away as an add-in/gift to bought items, and it should not
be claimed as your own. All rights are reserved to respected parties, even
those not explicitly stated herein. Thank you for reading this, and thank you
for respecting FAQ authors.
*WARNING: THIS FAQ IS NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH OR THE SQUEAMISH-AT-HEART, AS IT
MAY CONTAIN OBJECTIONABLE CONTENT OR MATERIAL THAT MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR
CHILDREN, AND ALSO CONTAINS SPOILERS AHEAD FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T PLAYED THE
GAME OR BEATEN IT, SO READ AT YOUR OWN RISK! THE FAQ WILL BE MORE ENJOYABLE TO
BE READ IF YOU HAVE FINISHED THE GAME AT LEAST ONCE! YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!*
TABLE OF CONTENTS
1. Introduction
2. Death Scenes
2.1. Crossroads and Main Entryway
2.2. Haunted Rooms
2.3. Moose's Scenario
2.4. Vivi's Funeral Salon Scenario
2.5. The Witches' Scenario
2.6. The Maze Scenario (I)
2.7. The Giant Statue Scenario (II)
2.8. Fritz's Grand Stairway
2.9. The Final Confrontation
3. Resurrection Scenes
4. Conclusion
5. Updates and Revisions
6. Thanks
# 1. Introduction #
Hello, and good evening, to those of you who are familiar with the game. As
you may know, Brain Dead 13 is an action interactive movie game, which is a
clone of Dragon's Lair and Space Ace, but unlike the previous games, which were
developed by Advanced Microcomputer Systems, Brain Dead 13 is the... *ahem*...
brainchild of game developer ReadySoft, which was based in Ontario, Canada, and
founded in 1987 by ex-Digital Solutions co-founder David Foster. ReadySoft had
published software for a variety of platforms, and in 1988 they acquired the
rights to Dragon's Lair from Don Bluth Studios and published a conversion for
the Amiga system. ReadySoft went on to sell over a million units of Dragon's
Lair on various platforms until 1996, when it was sold by Foster to Malofilm,
later known as Behavior, who then became involved with the formation of Digital
Leisure in 1997, which then acquired the rights to the interactive movie game
franchise and still continues to publish titles on modern platforms to this
day.
Anyway, as I was saying, let's get back on topic. Brain Dead 13 is a game
whose story goes like this: You are red-headed, long-haired pretty boy and
computer technician Lance Galahad, and you are summoned by a hunchback beastie
named Fritz to fix the computer of the mad scientist, Dr. Nero Neurosis, who is
nothing more than a brain in a giant glass tube. But in doing so, you are
tricked into helping him take over the world now that you are no longer a use
for him. But then you get him ticked by pointing out how lame-brained his evil
plans are, all "thought up by some average mad scientist," and he's sending
Fritz after you; now you have to explore his castle located at 13 Brain Dead
Avenue (hence the title), and fight various undead monsters before getting to
the mad scientist himself, all the while Fritz is on your tail trying to use
many methods to kill you.
Here's the part where it gets interesting, and pretty disturbing: Like Dragon's
Lair and Space Ace, Brain Dead 13 consists of quick time events; and during
gameplay exploration is freer than in most previous interactive games, with
most of the rooms linked to crossroads, which leaves the route for finding the
Brain Chamber up to you. But quick time events aren't just for rooms; they are
also found in crossroads themselves, which means that if Lance can't find a way
to choose a path as quickly as possible, Fritz will arrive and use a method to
kill him! And it kinda makes cartoony deaths in previous interactive games
seem pretty tame compared to this game, which has very intense and graphic
violence, all over the top in its cartoony approach (and yet there is no blood
splattered out when a death is inflicted, which is very baffling to me!); and
that violence is something that the game programmers often overlooked back in
1995, along with sexual and suggestive content involving vampire vixen Vivi and
other content, which is probably why the game was given a "Kids to Adults"
(K-A) rating, now an "Everyone" (E) rating, by the Entertainment Software
Rating Board in spite of objectionable issues. That rating remained when it
was ported to all other game consoles in 1996 and 1997. When the game finally
got ported to iPhone, iPad and iPod Touch in October 2010, it was then that the
game programmers finally wised up and made a smart decision to give the game a
12+ rating, which could be the equivalent of either a "Teen" (T) or an
"Everyone 10+" (E10+) rating.
This is the reason why I'm here to give you a guide to all the death scenes
that are found in this game, along with the resurrection scenes seen in said
game and other previous interactive games. For those of you who are children
who have played the game in MS-DOS and other game consoles, I need to warn you
that many of the deaths that I'm describing to you are VERY graphic and VERY
disturbing, so if you are one or a few of those children who have beaten the
game and are traumatized by these disturbing events, I'm warning you to read at
your own risk or walk away from this guide as soon as possible. For those of
you over the age of twelve who have played the game on these iOS ports, I need
to remind you that though the game programmers have made the game appropriate
for those aged 12 and up, the deaths in this game are a bit disturbing, but a
bit funny, nonetheless; so if you have beaten the game, this guide is just the
right place for you. Hope you've enjoyed this guide that I've written for you!
;)
# 2. Death Scenes #
Now, before I get started on the guide to all the death scenes in Brain Dead
13, I would like to point out the terminology that will be used in this guide:
[#]. [NAME]: The number and the name of a death scene in order.
WHERE: The location that the scene takes place. Duh!
OCCURS: When and how to see the scene if you fail at one point in said scene.
DESCRIPTION: The description of the scene explained in gruesome detail.
MY THOUGHTS: The thoughts that occur to me after seeing the scene, be they okay
or just plain horrid.
GRUESOME FACTOR: The rating that you see in stars from one to ten, with one
being "Not even gross or horrid", five being "Somewhere
between a bit disturbing and very disgusting", and ten being
"UGH! That's REALLY REALLY HORRIFIC AND GROSS!" Sorry about
this, but you get my drift. :P
Now, without further ado, let's begin.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
†2.1. Crossroads and Main Entryway†
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
1. THE THREE-WAY SPLIT
WHERE: Located in any part of the Crossroads (Start Hallway, Baseball Hallway,
Cave Entrance, Fireplace, "Now Showing" Hallway, Staircase, Outside
Vivi's, Skull Hallway 1, Skull Hallway 2, Greenhouse, T-Shaped Hallway,
Basement or Staircase)
OCCURS: If you hesitate on which way to go.
DESCRIPTION: While Lance is looking around, Fritz quickly approaches him from
behind, then uses both hooks to trisect Lance, making his three
pieces collapse in a messy heap before Fritz smiles in glee.
MY THOUGHTS: Dude! This one seems to be pretty gross, but seriously, splitting
Lance in three pieces?! This is not my way of describing death as
"family-friendly"! :P
GRUESOME FACTOR: (8/10) [* * * * * * * * . .]
2. DEATH BY BLENDER
WHERE: Located in any part of the Crossroads.
OCCURS: If you hesitate on which way to go.
DESCRIPTION: While Lance is standing still, all of a sudden Fritz arrives
angry and sticks his blender mixer into Lance's head (kinda puts
new meaning to the words, "go stick your head in a blender"),
surprising him; then turns it on, pureeing his head and quickly
moving down though his entire body, all the way down to his feet.
He then lifts up the blender to show all that remains of Lance, as
a root beer float with eyeballs, then picks it up like a cup with
his hook hand and drinks it all up like root beer, eyeballs and
all, with a smile.
MY THOUGHTS: Now this is a nauseating brew of death and humor, but Lance
getting pureed and drunk like beer, with the eyeballs, is just...
ugghhh, it kinda makes me wanna hurl... and it kinda makes you
think twice about drinking a smoothie. Excuse me... *barfs
offscreen*
GRUESOME FACTOR: (9/10) [* * * * * * * * * .] (That's 6 out of ten for the body
being pureed, and three more for the body and the eyeballs getting
drunk like root beer. :P)
3. INESCAPABLE DEATH FROM ABOVE
WHERE: Located in the Main Entryway.
OCCURS: If you don't go back the right way from the entryway.
DESCRIPTION: While Lance tries getting out of the castle, all of a sudden Fritz
looks down, then jumps down, lauching an attack. Then, as Lance
looks up near the fence, Fritz pounces on him, tackling him and
digging him down into unseen death while launching the dirt up,
then jumps up, and lands on his feet as the dirt (which contains a
screaming Lance) falls back into the hole along with a new
tombstone that says "R.I.P.", creating a new grave for Lance's
newly dead body. And to put the finishing touches, Fritz reaches
into his pocket, then very gently places a calla lily flower on
Lance's new grave with a smile.
MY THOUGHTS: Well, this one seems to be pretty funny. Not in the least bit
gruesome, but funny nonetheless. And the finishing touches, Fritz
kinda mocks Lance's dead body... by placing a calla lily flower
onto his grave... at least I think it's a calla lily. This is
kind of a bitter irony that the calla lily symbolizes purity,
innocence, and resurrection, so... yeah. -_-
GRUESOME FACTOR: (2/10) [* * . . . . . . . .]
4. AN INCOMING TACKLE
WHERE: Located in either the Basement or the Staircase.
OCCURS: If you hesitate on which way to go.
DESCRIPTION: As Lance is still looking around, all of a sudden Fritz jumps down
from up the stairs, pounces on him, and tackles him down the
stairs into unseen death.
MY THOUGHTS: Ouch! That had to hurt. And that death was pretty quick. Not
even gruesome or bloody or gory in my opinion. Just a little
frightening is all.
GRUESOME FACTOR: (1/10) [* . . . . . . . . .]
5. GOING DOWN?
WHERE: Any of the two Skull Evevator Rooms.
OCCURS: If you don't beat all four of the bosses BEFORE going toward the
elevator shaft.
DESCRIPTION: Lance tries going to the elevator shaft, only to find out that the
shaft has no bottom. He soon falls down as his baseball cap flies
a bit, and the scene cuts to black as he falls down the bottomless
pit into unseen death.
MY THOUGHTS: Whoa! Lance has fallen down the elevator shaft/bottomless pit.
So far, nothing bloody or gory or gruesome, though it DOES instill
fear in the hearts of children for some time.
GRUESOME FACTOR: (5/10) [* * * * * . . . . .]
6. THE "JAWS" OF DEATH
WHERE: Located in any part of the Crossroads.
OCCURS: If you hesitate on which way to go.
DESCRIPTION: As Lance wonders which way to go now, he suddenly sees a shark fin
swirl around him in confusion, and then, the spinning around gets
faster and faster, until it closes in on him; and chomping sounds
are heard as a pained Lance gets pulled down and eaten bit by bit,
and soon he vanishes, and in his place is... Fritz himself,
disguised as a shark the whole time, wearing a crying baby bib and
holding Lance's eyeball with his hook as he swallows our hero's
shoe in a single gulp.
MY THOUGHTS: Dude! Lance gets eaten up by Fritz somehow. But if Fritz chomps
up Lance's feet first, then why is his shoe in Fritz's mouth
somehow? And his holding up Lance's eyeball... uuuggghhh! That
makes me wanna ralph. And the bib of a crying baby... somehow it
has the intention of traumatizing children about our hero getting
eaten by Fritz the shark. Otherwise, it's pretty gruesome as it
is. Even "Jaws" fans can wet their pants in fright at this!
GRUESOME FACTOR: (6/10) [* * * * * * . . . .]
7. HALF THE MAN HE USED TO BE
WHERE: Located in any part of the Crossroads.
OCCURS: If you hesitate on which way to go.
DESCRIPTION: As Lance wonders for a bit, all of a sudden he gets sliced
horizontally in half by a sword. Just then Fritz, the
perpetrator, arrives, then blows on him, making his top half fall
apart onto the floor.
MY THOUGHTS: Dude! This one seems to be mind-numbing and pretty gruesome...
and yet I can't imagine what kids are feeling when they saw this
scene back in the old days.
GRUESOME FACTOR: (7/10) [* * * * * * * . . .]
8. CUT HIS HEART OUT WITH AN EGG BEATER
WHERE: Located in any part of the Crossroads.
OCCURS: If you hesitate on which way to go.
DESCRIPTION: As Lance wonders which way to go now, all of a sudden, at the
sound of a gong, he hears something from above and ducks down in
fright. Just then, Fritz appears from above and pounces on him,
then lifts up the egg beater arm, and Lance's screams are heard
being drowned out by the egg beater's noise as bits of his hair
fly everywhere, and then a heavily damaged and battered Lance
emerges with his shirt ripped up, his balding hair, and his black
eyes as he chokes himself up. But Fritz is not done yet, as he
pulls Lance back down to finish the job.
MY THOUGHTS: Oh, the horror! Oh, the humanity! Lance is heavily damaged by
an egg beater! Dude! Look at his bald hair! And his clothes!
It's almost as if he were a zombie! And the look on his face
says, "Please kill me! I don't want to live my life like this!"
Definitely not something your kids would see in a death scene like
this! :P
GRUESOME FACTOR: (8/10) [* * * * * * * * . .]
9. HARPOONED LIKE A WHALE
WHERE: Located in any part of the Crossroads.
OCCURS: If you hesitate on which way to go.
DESCRIPTION: As Lance is looking around, all of a sudden a harpoon tied with a
rope skewers him through the abdomen, and he quickly collapses
onto the floor before he can get it off. Fritz, who has just
harpooned him to death, arrives and looks at his body in glee.
MY THOUGHTS: This is pretty gross. Seriously, impaling Lance through the
abdomen with the harpoon... what were they THINKING?! And there
is something else, too. Notice something on his blue shirt as he
just got speared to death? It kinda looks like blood... maybe
discolored purple blood. Kinda odd that it's on his shirt but not
on the pointy end of the harpoon. Yeah, this is the only death
that is kinda bloody and DEFINITELY not something kids will want
to see. :P
GRUESOME FACTOR: (9/10) [* * * * * * * * * .]
10. TORN APART FROM THE INSIDE
WHERE: Located in any part of the Crossroads.
OCCURS: If you hesitate on which way to go.
DESCRIPTION: While Lance wonders which way to go now, he suddenly feels a
discomfort in his body, then looks down at his chest and feels a
swelling rupture as he grunts in pain and clutches himself
tightly. Suddenly there is a sound of a chicken cluck as both
hooks rip through his chest and shirt, and then Fritz bursts open
and looks around, and then rips him apart in two completely.
MY THOUGHTS: One word: Barf! And a few more: W! T! HHHHHHHHH?!?!?!?!? This...
is just so... baffling... and so gruesomely disgusting. I'm
TOTALLY at a loss for words. These game programmers must have
been watching too many horror films and/or playing too much Mortal
Kombat. Seriously, they should DEFINITELY think twice of becoming
an open-heart surgeon! :P
GRUESOME FACTOR: (10/10) [* * * * * * * * * *] [tied]
11. CHARBROILED HEAD À LA FLAMBÉ
WHERE: Located in any part of the Crossroads.
OCCURS: If you hesitate on which way to go.
DESCRIPTION: As Lance is still standing, all of a sudden fire from some sort of
flamethrower torches his head and burns him up to a crisp,
revealing a charred skull where his head used to be. Just then,
Fritz, who had just flambéed him the flamethrower, appears, then
blows gently away on the charbroiled skull, set to horror music.
MY THOUGHTS: W. T. H? Just. W. T. H? This is definitely not family-friendly
death! I'm still reeling in shock at our hero's head being
charbroiled to a skull. I really think children feel the same way
about that death scene.
GRUESOME FACTOR: (8/10) [* * * * * * * * . .]
12. GETTING HIT WAY TOO HARD ON THE HEAD
WHERE: Located in any part of the Crossroads.
OCCURS: If you hesitate on which way to go.
DESCRIPTION: As Lance hesitates on where to go now, a big mallet (swung by
Fritz, no less) whacks him on the head so hard that he spits out
his own skull. Lance's skull-less head then bobbles around
upside-down like a broken bobblehead doll while his body is still
standing before he collapses to the floor as Fritz now watches him
fall with a smile.
MY THOUGHTS: Uggghhh, this one is so traumatizing! I mean, getting whacked in
the head so hard that you lose your own skull?! THIS one goes on
the list of "family-unfriendly deaths".
GRUESOME FACTOR: (8/10) [* * * * * * * * . .]
13. A "BLINDSIDING" ATTACK
WHERE: Located in any part of the Crossroads.
OCCURS: If you hesitate on which way to go.
DESCRIPTION: As Lance wonders where to go now, all of a sudden Fritz comes up
from behind him in front of the camera, then pokes Lance's eyes
with both hooks and proceeds to pull his eyeballs apart, giving
new meaning to the words "splitting headache"... until finally,
with a pull, he rips our hero apart in two by the eyeballs,
revealing a skeleton with a baseball cap that quickly falls into a
pile of bones as Fritz smiles and looks down with a gloat.
MY THOUGHTS: We've definitely saved the worst for last, and THIS one is... just
... ugggghhhh! THIS one is THE WORST DEATH I'VE EVER SEEN!
PERIOD! This one is SO gruesome, SO horrid, and SO PLAIN GROSS,
that I'm just at a loss for words. This one is first class and
will definitely traumatize kids for years to come, right up next
to the second-worst death scene (having your own skull knocked off
of your head) right on the list.
GRUESOME FACTOR: (10/10) [* * * * * * * * * *] [tied]
++++++++++++++++++++
†2.2. Haunted Rooms†
++++++++++++++++++++
1. FACE-MELTING HORROR
WHERE: Located in the Cocoon Room if you approach from the left or right.
OCCURS: If you don't fight off the spitting cocoons.
DESCRIPTION: As the cocoon spits at Lance, he gets in fright as a spit of acid
hits his face; and he looks on in horror as the acid eats away at
his head, and soon his entire body melts away into goo, leaving
behind his eyeballs that fall away.
MY THOUGHTS: How awful and gross! This is pretty gruesome as dissolving acid,
in my opinion. DEFINITELY not the kind of death that kids can
see. :P
GRUESOME FACTOR: (8/10) [* * * * * * * * . .]
2. TANGLED UP IN THE GIANT SPIDER'S WEB
WHERE: Located in the wine cellar if you approach from the right.
OCCURS: If you don't avoid the Giant Spider's web attacks.
DESCRIPTION: As the Giant Spider approaches Lance from upstairs, it shoots a
web at him, binding him up. It then crawls up onto his paralyzed
body and tackles him down to the ground, into his imminent death,
and a bite is heard, indicating that it has bitten him to death.
MY THOUGHTS: This is pretty terrifying. Getting tied up by a spider web before
becoming a victim to its biting attacks... this is not something
kids will want to see. At least it's not graphic or gory or
anything. Who knows what the biting attack would have been like?
And other than that... who cares? That's terrifying enough for
me.
GRUESOME FACTOR: (6/10) [* * * * * * . . . .]
3. THERE IS A DEADLY CENTIPEDE IN THE WINE CELLAR
WHERE: Located in the wine cellar if you approach from the left.
OCCURS: If you don't avoid the attacks of the centipede.
DESCRIPTION: As Lance walks on, a giant centipede emerges and wraps around him.
Horrified at the look on its face, he tries to scream, but the
centipede quickly bites off his head and swallows it up as his
lifeless body collapses.
MY THOUGHTS: Ugh! This one is just... so gruesome, so frightening, and so
gross! Seriously, just looking at Lance's head getting bitten off
by a giant centipede gives me the shivers. This is definitely not
something kids will want to see at all. Add that to the list of
family-unfriendly deaths.
GRUESOME FACTOR: (9/10) [* * * * * * * * * .]
4. NEVER SMILE AT A CROCODILE, OR ELSE...
WHERE: Located in the Cajun Kitchen if you approach from the right.
OCCURS: If you don't avoid the crocodile wearing a chef's suit and holding a
meat cleaver.
DESCRIPTION: Lance hesitates a bit when the crocodile chef approaches with the
cleaver and, with a swish, slices our hero's head clean off from
his neck, causing it to fly and land on his neck in an upside-
down position; and his baseball cap lands onto his upside-down
neck as the icing on the cake while his eyes close a bit before
one of them opens up, possibly in embarrassment.
MY THOUGHTS: This one is kinda disturbing in my opinion, as I saw it in one
Game Informer magazine back in 1996 when Lance's head is sliced
off, but I just didn't know who cut off his head. Now that I have
seen this scene, and the way his head lands on his neck in a wrong
position, it kinda makes me laugh, but otherwise, this one is
pretty gruesome in my opinion.
GRUESOME FACTOR: (8/10) [* * * * * * * * . .]
5. OUT OF THE FRYING PAN AND INTO THE OVEN
WHERE: Located in the Cajun Kitchen if you approach from the left.
OCCURS: If you don't avoid the fiery hand coming out of the oven.
DESCRIPTION: As Lance looks around, a fiery hand comes out of the oven, then
grabs him by the neck and pulls him inside, where he is burned to
a crisp.
MY THOUGHTS: Ouch! This one DEFINITELY puts a lot of fear into the hearts of
children, but in NO WAY is it bloody or gory or gruesome. At
least that scares the pants out of us.
GRUESOME FACTOR: (4/10) [* * * * . . . . . .]
6. AN UN-BEAR-ABLE SITUATION
WHERE: Located in the Trophy Room if you approach from the right.
OCCURS: If you don't avoid the bear rug.
DESCRIPTION: As Lance runs closer to the bear rug, it comes alive and claws him
up before tackling him to the ground; and there is a gory
discretion shot as his body parts (green ooze, eyeballs, bones,
baseball cap) fly all over the place, indicating that he is eaten
by the bear.
MY THOUGHTS: Ugh, that is pretty gruesome AND gross in my opinion. DEFINITELY
not the idea of a family-friendly death, as seeing his eyeballs
and body parts all over the place is just... sickening! Who knows
what the attack would have been like onscreen, as it would have
made me wanna barf! :P
GRUESOME FACTOR: (9/10) [* * * * * * * * * .]
7. BAT OUT OF... HEAVEN?
WHERE: Located in the Trophy Room if you approach from the left.
OCCURS: If you don't avoid the bats coming down to attack you.
DESCRIPTION: As Lance looks at the bats flying above, one giant one drops down
from behind, then grabs him, turns him around to its face, then
bites onto his head... before playfully chewing on his hair as our
hero makes a confused look at it, as if it acts all cute and
cuddly and playful.
MY THOUGHTS: Well, this is pretty confusing. The first few seconds of this
death scene are pretty frightening at first, but then it turns all
playful as the bat gives Lance a heartwarming hug and bite that
parodies Ozzy Osbourne. Not very gross or gruesome or heinous at
all. And you call this a death scene? This is not even a death
scene at all... more of a "cutesy mosquito bite" scene. In fact,
this is a pretty death scene that even children would love. For
the first and only time, this one is pretty enlightening and
comedic. Add that one to the list of "kid-friendly deaths". ^_^
<3
GRUESOME FACTOR: (1/10) [* . . . . . . . . .]
8. A DEADLY ACID BREATHER
WHERE: Located in the Trophy Room if you approach from the left.
OCCURS: If you avoided the giant bat, but don't watch out for the dragon head.
DESCRIPTION: As Lance starts heading for the exit, a dragon head spits out acid
breath, which lands on our frightened hero, washing his flesh off
and revealing his skeleton with his hat on, still standing with
his arms raised up high.
MY THOUGHTS: Yow! That's truly frightening for a gruesome death scene.
Getting your flesh washed off by an acid-breathing dragon... not a
pretty sight at all. Scratch that one off the list of family-
friendly deaths. To tell you the truth, it makes that death scene
with the giant bat mentioned above look very tame compared to THIS
one! O_O
GRUESOME FACTOR: (9/10) [* * * * * * * * * .]
9. DON'T APE WITH THE KILLER GORILLA
WHERE: Located in the Trophy Room if you approach from the left.
OCCURS: If you avoided the bat and the dragon head, but not the gorilla trophy.
DESCRIPTION: If you've already seen the atomic wedgie death scene with Moose,
then you know the drill: Gorilla trophy comes to life in front of
Lance, grabs him by the neck and shoulders, reaches for his pants,
grabs his underwear, and makes a killer wedgie that rips him in
two and pulls off his spine and pelvis.
MY THOUGHTS: Barf. You know what, I'm not even gonna bother with how gruesome,
horrifying, and disgusting that wedgie scene is, so see my
response to Moose's killer atomic wedgie mentioned below.
GRUESOME FACTOR: (10/10) [* * * * * * * * * *]
10. WORM-ING RIGHT THROUGH YOU
WHERE: Located in the Library if you approach from the right.
OCCURS: If you don't avoid the flesh-eating worms.
DESCRIPTION: As Lance looks at the worms in fright, one of them jumps onto his
chest and abdomen; and as he gets up with a groan and an "Ow," he
gasps in fright as he sees the worm burrowing its way through his
heart, then bends over screaming as it tunnels its way through and
bursts out his back before he emits a low, dying groan and
collapses onto the floor along with the worm in a lifeless
position with his eyes open.
MY THOUGHTS: Uuugggghhhh! This is just so squicky and so painful! Seriously,
worms burrowing their way through you and bursting out your chest
with a splatter of your own liquid coming out of your body? It
makes me wanna hurl. DEFINITELY NOT an idea of a family-friendly
death, as it's gonna traumatize and haunt little children for
YEARS! :P
GRUESOME FACTOR: (10/10) [* * * * * * * * * *]
11. THROWING THE BOOK AT YOU
WHERE: Located in the Library if you approach from the left.
OCCURS: If you don't dodge any of the three books the librarian throws at you.
DESCRIPTION: As Lance watches in awe, the scary librarian tosses a book into
our hero's mouth, making it lodge into his throat and choking him
before he falls down lifelessly onto the floor with a groan.
MY THOUGHTS: Dude! This is pretty shocking. Lance getting choked up by a book
getting lodged into his throat? A little bit disturbing, as it
may not be something kids want to see.
GRUESOME FACTOR: (4/10) [* * * * . . . . . .]
12. A LITTLE SLICE OF HELL (OR, LIKE A GHOSTLY KNIFE THROUGH BUTTER)
WHERE: Located in the Bedroom if you approach from the right.
OCCURS: When you encounter the Jack the Ripper ghost.
DESCRIPTION: As the slasher ghost raises its ghostly knife, Lance looks up in
fright before the knife cuts right through his face, which then
falls off as he groans, revealing a piece of meat where his face
used to be before he falls down dead.
MY THOUGHTS: Seriously, WTH?! This is just so horrifying that I can't even
begin to imagine what children would feel when they see our hero's
face get sliced off. You should definitely think twice about
getting a facioplasty! :P
GRUESOME FACTOR: (9/10) [* * * * * * * * * .]
13. A SOUL-SUCKING EXPERIENCE
WHERE: Located in the Bedroom if you approach from the left.
OCCURS: If you don't fight off the ghosts floating around.
DESCRIPTION: As Lance watches in fright, one of the ghosts approaches him, then
he looks around in confusion and fright as the ghost possesses
him in the chest, instantly draining the living soul out of him
before floating away, turning him into a withered old corpse
before he collapses as the ghost cackles in glee.
MY THOUGHTS: Dude! This one is so horrid! I mean, look at him! Lance is now
an old fogey who has just gotten his soul sucked out of him!
DEFINITELY not a pretty sight, and definitely too frightening AND
traumatizing for children! Scratch that one off the list of kid-
friendly deaths.
GRUESOME FACTOR: (8/10) [* * * * * * * * . .]
14. STRANGLED BY A PUPPET STRING
WHERE: Located in the conservatory if you approach from the right.
OCCURS: If you don't avoid getting attacked by a puppet on a string.
DESCRIPTION: Lance gasps in fright as the demonic puppet grabs him by the neck,
pushes him down, ties up his neck, and lifts him up slightly as
our hero is choked up and struggling to breathe before it whisks
him away into unseen death.
MY THOUGHTS: Dude! How horrifying! And those green eyes on Lance's face as he
gets choked up and struggling to breathe... THIS is definitely not
a good sign and CAN be traumatizing to children, no "strings"
attached! (Sorry for the bad pun. :P) And what's up there after
he gets pulled up... you do NOT want to know!
GRUESOME FACTOR: (7/10) [* * * * * * * . . .]
15. AN ONCOMING TACKLE FROM ABOVE
WHERE: Located at the top of the conservatory if you approach from the left.
OCCURS: If you don't get away from Fritz as quickly as possible. This will
also occur if you approached from the right, defeated the puppet and
climbed up its string, but wait too long or accidentally go to the
organ on the right (thanks, Super8ZX, for this one).
DESCRIPTION: Lance sees Fritz approaching in surprise and tries running away,
but lets out a "D'oh!" as a giggling Fritz tackles him in glee.
MY THOUGHTS: Dude! This is a bit frightening, as Lance's "D'oh!" is kinda
reminiscent of Homer's "D'oh!" from "The Simpsons". Otherwise,
not very gruesome at all.
GRUESOME FACTOR: (2/10) [* * . . . . . . . .]
+++++++++++++++++++++++
†2.3. Moose's Scenario†
+++++++++++++++++++++++
1. FALLING THROUGH THE GAP
WHERE: Located in the Stairway to Moose's room.
OCCURS: If you don't jump over the gap to the other side.
DESCRIPTION: As Lance notices the gap in the stairway, all of a sudden Fritz
approaches and tackles him, making him lose his baseball cap, and
they both fall down screaming into our hero's imminent death
below.
MY THOUGHTS: Dude! What on earth?! Lance gets tackled by Fritz and falls into
unseen death! This is pretty bit frightening for kids in my
opinion. Otherwise, not in the least bit gruesome.
GRUESOME FACTOR: (3/10) [* * * . . . . . . .]
2. MOOSE 1, LANCE 0
WHERE: Located in the entrance of Moose's room.
OCCURS: If you don't avoid the stone football coming your way as soon as you
enter. This will also happen if you don't dodge the second stone
football Moose throws at you.
DESCRIPTION: As Lance enters the room, all of a sudden he hears laughter... and
then a stone football gets tossed into his mouth, making him a
deformed football head with purple eyes. He gets choked up a bit
before he makes an open smile and a dumb giggle as his teeth get
broken and fall out, and then collapses onto the floor with a
groan and a thud. Scene cuts to the scoreboard atop the door that
says "HOME" next to a score of "172", which has now bumped up to
"173", while the bottom half of the scoreboard says "VISITORZ",
which has just scored a skull and crossbones, signifying death,
and there is a sound of a crowd going wild with a cheer.
MY THOUGHTS: Seriously, what was that? Lance gets a stone football thrown into
his mouth, and I just can't help but laugh! This is totally
confusing and baffling, even for children. And the sound of the
crowds cheering at a simple death scene?! This is a very weird
and very queer death scene, in my opinion.
GRUESOME FACTOR: (4/10) [* * * * . . . . . .]
3. A DEADLY CHARGE ATTACK
WHERE: Located in the entrance of Moose's room.
OCCURS: If you don't dodge Moose's shoulder charge at you.
DESCRIPTION: As Moose charges, Lance screams a bit before the former smooshes
him at the door. When Moose is done, he leaves Lance flattened
against the door like a square pancake, with his tongue sticking
out and his mouth open.
MY THOUGHTS: What?! The?! Heck?! This is so pretty gruesome for that manner.
Moose has turned our hero into a Lance sandwich. This is pretty
much of a crushing blow to our hero! (Again, sorry for the bad
pun. :P) Definitely not a family-friendly death.
GRUESOME FACTOR: (6/10) [* * * * * * . . . .]
4. DEATH BY ATOMIC WEDGIE
WHERE: Located in the entrance of Moose's room.
OCCURS: If you survived the two stone footballs and Moose's shoulder charge,
but don't watch out for his grab next. This will also occur if you
land on his shoulder but stay there too long and don't move left or
right.
DESCRIPTION: Lance watches in fright as Moose grabs him by the neck and
shoulders and pulls him closer. He then watches in horror as the
Frankenstein's monster jerk jock reaches out for our hero's pants,
then grabs his underwear, causing him to wince in pain before
Moose splits him in two, pulling out both his spine AND his
pelvis!
MY THOUGHTS: Ooohhhh, my stomach... *barfs* Uuugggghhhh! This wedgie is just
so... sickening! This is... so... traumatizing! The horror!
These game programmers DEFINITELY must have played too much
"Mortal Kombat" while making this game! To quote the Marquis De
Singe in "Tales of Monkey Island": "Zat is ze worst wedgie I have
ever known!" And it's a DEADLY, disgusting wedgie that splits
Lance in half AND rips off his spine and pelvis! DEFINITELY too
gruesome and too gory for children, as it will traumatize them for
YEARS! Add that one to the list of "family-unfriendly deaths". :P
GRUESOME FACTOR: (10/10) [* * * * * * * * * *]
5. BATTER UP!
WHERE: Near the basketball net in Moose's room.
OCCURS: If you don't watch out for any of Moose's two baseball bat attacks.
DESCRIPTION: As Moose raises his baseball bat to strike, Lance looks up in awe
before the bat hits him on the head, knocking out his earwax, his
snot, and his teeth and messing up his baseball cap, his head, and
his brain before he collapses with a groan.
MY THOUGHTS: Dude! That's sick! Sick and pretty gross! Moose bashing Lance's
brains out with a heavy baseball bat... this is not something that
kids will want to see. :P
GRUESOME FACTOR: (8/10) [* * * * * * * * . .]
6. NOTHING BUT CATAPULT
WHERE: Near the basketball net in Moose's room.
OCCURS: If you don't jump off the basketball net pretty darn quickly.
DESCRIPTION: Moose pulls down the basketball net with Lance on top of it, then
lets go of it like a catapult, sending our screaming hero flying
out of the castle window and into his demise.
MY THOUGHTS: This looks so freaky, with Lance being catapulted out the window
by a basketball net! Nothing too gruesome or gory here. O_O
GRUESOME FACTOR: (4/10) [* * * * . . . . . .]
7. A SHOCKING EXPLOSION
WHERE: Located in the interior of Moose's room.
OCCURS: If you don't avoid the first lightning rods.
DESCRIPTION: As Lance rides Moose on piggyback, they come near the two
lightning rods, get zapped and explode.
MY THOUGHTS: Dude, WTH?!?! Moose and Lance explode into bits at the touch of
two lightning rods?! This is pretty frightening and horrific.
Scratch another one off the list of kid-friendly deaths.
GRUESOME FACTOR: (8/10) [* * * * * * * * . .]
8. ZAPPED LIKE BUGS
WHERE: Located in the interior of Moose's room.
OCCURS: If you don't dodge the next lightning rods from the other side.
DESCRIPTION: As Lance tries getting Moose to turn around at the next lightning
rod, Moose accidentally touches it and both of them get zapped,
until finally, their bodies become as gray as smoke, and both
blink their eyes a bit before their bodies disintegrate into
powder.
MY THOUGHTS: This is totally baffling to me. Though this scene is less intense
and frightening than touching the first lightning rods, it's still
a bit funny, but disturbing to some children.
GRUESOME FACTOR: (6/10) [* * * * * * . . . .]
9. FALLING OFF THE WRONG SIDE
WHERE: Located at the top of the elevator shaft.
OCCURS: If you don't jump off the elevator quickly. Also occurs if you don't
move right or if Moose grabs you and you fall off the cliff near the
ladder.
DESCRIPTION: Lance jumps off the wrong side of the elevator and falls down
screaming as the inside of his mouth and tonsils move closer to
the camera.
MY THOUGHTS: This is so frightful, but not even close to gruesome or gory
territory. Definitely something to teach kids what happens if you
don't watch out.
GRUESOME FACTOR: (3/10) [* * * . . . . . . .]
10. A SHOCKING HEAD-BASHER
WHERE: Located at the top of the lightning tower.
OCCURS: If you don't run away from the mechanism before Moose makes it to the
top of the ladder.
DESCRIPTION: As Lance watches in fright, Moose gets to the top of the ladder,
then grabs him and, with a swift punch, knocks his head clean off,
then looks at his headless neck in glee.
MY THOUGHTS: Dude! This is just sickening, shocking, and horrifying! This is
not something your kids will want to see, as they could get
traumatized for ages! :P
GRUESOME FACTOR: (7/10) [* * * * * * * . . .]
11. A BODY-SMASHING FALL
WHERE: Located near the lightning tower.
OCCURS: If you don't watch out for Fritz's incoming attack after defeating
Moose.
DESCRIPTION: Fritz jumps on top of Lance from the top of the tower, then
smashes his body on top of him, then grabs him as they both fall
off the tower.
MY THOUGHTS: Dude, what is that? This looks kinda frightening and horrific for
a death scene that is a bit unfriendly for children.
GRUESOME FACTOR: (4/10) [* * * * . . . . . .]
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
†2.4. Vivi's Funeral Salon Scenario†
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
1. TINY SPIDER, HUGE BITE
WHERE: Located in the interior of Vivi's Funeral Salon.
OCCURS: After Vivi tosses Fritz into a spiked coffin, but before you blow a
tiny spider away.
DESCRIPTION: As Lance watches, a tiny spider swings its web from behind, then
without warning, it latches onto his face as he tries shaking his
head in an attempt to push it away; and then, in a manner worthy
of Imperfect Cell, it takes a bite and absorbs his entire body in
a gulp, leaving behind his spider web barber cloth before heading
back up as a full, big spider.
MY THOUGHTS: Dude! What?! This is very shocking and very frightening! A tiny
little spider, swallowing up Lance's entire body in a single gulp!
And all the while Vivi has left him unattended as she is too busy
distracting Fritz and keeping him waiting! This is so horrible,
as it should teach people a lesson not to leave their children
unattended, as they might get caught, or worse... ulp! DEFINITELY
not something children will want to see, as it will traumatize
them for YEARS! Add THAT to the list of family-unfriendly deaths.
O_O
GRUESOME FACTOR: (10/10) [* * * * * * * * * *] [tied]
2. THE DEADLY KISS OF THE VAMPIRESS
WHERE: Located in the interior of Vivi's Funeral Salon.
OCCURS: If you don't make a choice of either a shave, manicure, or facial
quickly enough.
DESCRIPTION: As the now-gagged Lance is pondering on which poison to pick, Vivi
is all suddenly like, "Screw that, I'm taking a bite anyway."
Without warning, she turns his head over to her side, very gently,
then quickly pulls down his barber cloth AND his shirt and jacket,
exposing his neck and bare chest and man nipples (Wow! That's
hot! O_O) before aiming for his vital spot (i.e., his heart). She
takes a bite and sucks out all of his blood, turning him from a
normal, healthy person into a withered, shriveled up, skeletal
mummy-like corpse before putting him down with a pant; and then
feels uneasy as she lets out a belch, then puts her hand to her
mouth with a giggle, satisfied that she has just finished her
meal.
MY THOUGHTS: Dude! This is just terrifying! At first I thought she was just
gonna sexually assault him or something, as I can see that Lance's
exposed bare chest and man nipples have made him so hot! But then
... her red eyes... the horror! Lance has just been sucked dry of
blood from his heart! And the look on his body... *shudders*
This is horrifying! Truly horrifying! And to top it all off, she
BELCHES like a sick vampiress, as if this is her first time she is
fully satisfied with her meal without getting fat! This is
definitely not something children would want to see, not even in
her sex appeal, and not even in what looks like a blood-porn scene
like this one! O_O :P
GRUESOME FACTOR: (10/10) [* * * * * * * * * *] [tied]
3. A DANGEROUSLY CLOSE SHAVE
WHERE: Located in the shaving section of Vivi's Funeral Salon.
OCCURS: If you chose the shave option but don't watch out for Vivi's deadly
scythe.
DESCRIPTION: After spraying the shaving cream onto Lance's still-gagged mouth,
Vivi, with a swing of her little deadly scythe, cuts off not just
his long hair but also his head, making it knock off onto the
mirror and bounce onto the floor in front of his seated body. She
then looks at his body and his now short-haired head (with his cap
still in his mouth!) in sympathy and says, "Awww, did I do that?"
MY THOUGHTS: OMG! W.T.H.?! That vampiress has just cut off Lance's head in a
dangerous way that parodies even Sweeney Todd! And set to the
same creepy, descending Spanish guitar music used in the wall-
crashing death scene with one of the witches (see below)! She
even feigns sympathy for him... and quotes Steve Urkel from
"Family Matters" with that "Did I do that?" catchphrase. Man,
even in death, Lance still seems pretty cuter with short hair...
for a little while anyway. Otherwise, this one is pretty
disturbing and traumatizing. Not a sight for kids' sore eyes. :P
GRUESOME FACTOR: (8/10) [* * * * * * * * . .]
4. A LITTLE OFF THE SHOULDER
WHERE: Located in the shaving section of Vivi's Funeral Salon.
OCCURS: If you survived Vivi's dangerous scythe, but not the deadly mirror with
a knife.
DESCRIPTION: After Vivi leaves, a wardrobe mirror comes to life in front of
Lance, and without warning, it finishes the job by using a giant
knife to cut off his head AND his shoulders and top half, making
it bounce off the chair and let go of his cap from his mouth
before they fall, his head onto the floor, his cap fluttering onto
his lap.
MY THOUGHTS: Uuuggghhhh! This is so... so sickening! It really makes me wanna
vomit. And did I just see a man nipple sticking out of the cut
barber cloth when Lance's top half fell off? Also, the way his
head closes its eyes and opens its mouth to let go of the cap/gag
after it gets cut off... what a sickening sight! Barf! This one
is TRULY traumatizing and too disturbing for kids to see. Add
THAT one to the list of family-unfriendly deaths. :P
GRUESOME FACTOR: (10/10) [* * * * * * * * * *] [tied]
5. A DEADLY MANICURE
WHERE: Located in the manicure section of Vivi's Funeral Salon.
OCCURS: If you survived the whole shaving section and chose the manicure, but
don't watch out for Vivi's dangerous attempts.
DESCRIPTION: With Lance's hand on the chopping block, Vivi takes out a meat
cleaver to his surprise, and, with a swipe of the blade, she cuts
his hand clean off, making it fly off the chopping block table and
onto the other side, causing him to wince in pain. She then lets
go of the cleaver and again says, with a bit of sympathy, "Awww,
did I do that?" He then goes into shock from all the pain of his
hand getting cut off, then closes his eyes and lets out a dying
groan as his head and body collapse face down onto the table in a
dead faint.
MY THOUGHTS: W! T! HHHHHHH!? This... this is truly shocking! A deadly
manicure's "Simon Says" minigame that all goes horribly wrong with
a slice of his hand! How horrifying! O_O And again, with Vivi's
feigned sympathy for Lance... and the same "Did I do that?" Steve
Urkel quote from "Family Matters". Well, I've been wondering: How
come people survive getting their hands cut off or amputated while
Lance just goes into shock and dies from the loss of his hand?
This is all truly... baffling for me. :? Anyway, getting your
hand cut off is not a pretty sight for children to see. Add yet
ANOTHER one to the list of family-unfriendly deaths. :P :P :P
GRUESOME FACTOR: (8/10) [* * * * * * * * . .]
6. A "BEAUTIFUL" DEATH
WHERE: Located in the facial section of Vivi's Funeral Salon.
OCCURS: If you chose the facial but don't escape the Mortifier-Beautifier.
DESCRIPTION: At Vivi's press of her remote control, the mechanical powder puffs
of the Mortifier-Beautifier turn on, then close in on Lance's head
and screw it up real good. The deathly spinning machinery lasts a
few seconds before the scene cuts to a close-up of the mechanical
powder puffs slowing down to a stop, then opening up to reveal...
a polished skull with a baseball cap where his head used to be,
complete with a fairy music jingle.
MY THOUGHTS: OMG! This truly is facial horror. Sparkly music notwithstanding,
the Mortifier-Beautifier has reduced Lance's head to a skull.
This is sheer horror that kids definitely don't want to see.
Scratch that off the list of family-friendly deaths.
GRUESOME FACTOR: (9/10) [* * * * * * * * * .]
7. OUT OF THE BEAUTIFIER AND INTO THE FIRE
WHERE: Located in the facial section of Vivi's Funeral Salon near the exit.
OCCURS: If you escaped the Mortifier-Beautifier but don't press the remote
control. This also occurs after Lance defeats Vivi by the Mortifier-
Beautifier and shouts, "Hey, Viv! I'll take a rain check on that...
bite!", but doesn't watch out for Fritz's oncoming attacks.
DESCRIPTION: After escaping from the Mortifier-Beautifier and landing into
Fritz, Lance wonders what to do now before Fritz gets up, grabs
him by the neck with his hook hand, and turns on his spiked arm.
While Lance is still struggling to escape, Fritz presses his
spiked arm onto our hero's throat, and in a few seconds, he rips
Lance's head clean off from his neck with an "Ow!"
MY THOUGHTS: Uuuuggghhhh! This is a mix between sickening, shocking, and
traumatizing in all three ways! This is truly traumatizing horror
in all its gory... er, glory, and all set to the same creepy,
descending Spanish guitar used when Vivi had cut off his head.
This one can traumatize children for many years to come.
Definitely not a pretty sight at all. :P
GRUESOME FACTOR: (10/10) [* * * * * * * * * *] [tied]
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
†2.5. The Witches' Scenario†
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
(NOTE: Since one of the witches' rooms has the exact mirror image of the other
witch's room, I'm gonna have to apply to both witches' rooms, starting with the
Red Witch room. And when I say "Red Witch", I, of course, imply it to both the
Red AND Blue Witches.)
1. BLACK CATS ARE BAD LUCK
WHERE: Located in the Red Witch's room entrance.
OCCURS: If you don't avoid the attack of the black cat.
DESCRIPTION: A black cat sees Lance, then, without warning, scene cuts to
Lance's point of view as the cat yowls and gets into a LITERAL cat
fight as his vision fades. Scene cuts back to a cloud of dust
surrounding Lance's head along with the cat, then the cat scampers
away, revealing our hero's shocked head with claw marks before
bits and pieces of it fall off along with his hair and baseball
cap.
MY THOUGHTS: Dude! WTH?! This is pretty gruesome as a black cat shredding
Lance's head into bits! And that HURTS! Ouch! This is not
something your kids will want to see to describe what happens when
you cross paths with a black cat! :S
GRUESOME FACTOR: (8/10) [* * * * * * * * . .]
2. PUMPKIN BOMBS AWAY!
WHERE: Located in the Red Witch's room entrance.
OCCURS: If you don't avoid the first attack of the Red Witch.
DESCRIPTION: After a bit of a cackle for a few seconds, the Red Witch throws a
pumpkin bomb on Lance's head, and with a POOF of green smoke, its
explosion turns him into a skeleton with a baseball cap that falls
off, followed by the scene exploding with stars, jack-o-lanterns
and skulls.
MY THOUGHTS: What?!?! This is so outright bizarre, the Red Witch turning Lance
into a skeleton with the explosion of the pumpkin bomb. And THEN
we get treated to a BLAM scene of fireworks, stars, jack-o-
lanterns, and skulls. This is a creepy, confusing, and best of
all a biggest WTH death scene.
GRUESOME FACTOR: (6/10) [* * * * * * . . . .]
3. NOT WATCHING YOUR HEAD
WHERE: Located in the Red Witch's skull room.
OCCURS: If you don't avoid the bones on the shelf.
DESCRIPTION: As Lance runs away from the Red Witch, he doesn't notice the shelf
of skulls and bones in front of him. All of a sudden, his head
knocks off the bone and gets squeezed onto a shelf near a skull
with an "Oof!", then he finds that his head gets stuck and gets
stangled to death.
MY THOUGHTS: The heck?! How come Lance's head gets caught in a shelf that
strangles him when he's not watching where he's going?! This is
so weird and baffling. :? :P
GRUESOME FACTOR: (4/10) [* * * * . . . . . .]
4. LUNCH FOR THE WITCH
WHERE: Located in the Red Witch's skull room.
OCCURS: If you don't keep running away from the Red Witch.
DESCRIPTION: The Red Witch flies right past Lance before returning to him, then
without warning she rams him toward the wall, cornering him. She
then uses her "evil eye" look on him, draining him of energy as he
groans before he collapses. Scene then cuts to the Red Witch
stirring her pot as she looks at the cookbook, then she pulls him
by the head from her pot with her ladle, and he looks on with
confusion and muffled fright before she places him back into the
pot and stirs some more.
MY THOUGHTS: Dude, what?! That witch has just rendered Lance unconscious with
her evil eye attack, and then she uses him for stew! Ugh! That
means that it's only a matter of time before she has him for
lunch! This is a little bit gruesome, and a bit of fridge horror,
in my opinion.
GRUESOME FACTOR: (5/10) [* * * * * . . . . .]
5. ANOTHER CATFIGHT
WHERE: Located in the further interior of the Red Witch's room.
OCCURS: If you don't avoid the pounce of the black cat.
DESCRIPTION: As Lance is running from the Red Witch, the black cat makes a
pounce onto him, and goes into a catfight before leaving, this
time leaving our hero's body shredded into bits.
MY THOUGHTS: You know what? I'm not even gonna bother by how much of the same
pain is inflicted as when the cat attacked Lance's face, so see
my comment on the "Black Cats Are Bad Luck" death scene.
GRUESOME FACTOR: (8/10) [* * * * * * * * . .]
6. CRASHING INTO DINNERTIME
WHERE: Occurs in the secret chamber of the Red Witch's room
OCCURS: If you grabbed one of the eyeballs but don't escape the Red Witch.
This will also happen if you escaped into the outside of the tower but
don't avoid the witch's ramming attacks.
DESCRIPTION: Lance has grabbed one of the eyeballs and put it in his pocket,
but then the scene cuts to Lance's point of view as the Red Witch
crashes into him, followed by another scene exploding with stars,
jack-o-lanterns and skulls. Scene then cuts to... the Red Witch
stirring her pot as she looks at the cookbook, then she pulls him
by the head from her pot with her ladle, and he looks on with
confusion and muffled fright before she places him back into the
pot and stirs some more.
MY THOUGHTS: Again, this scene is so baffling to me, because the witch crashes
into our hero, and we get yet a BLAM scene of fireworks AND the
cooking scene. Still confusing, and STILL not good at all.
GRUESOME FACTOR: (5/10) [* * * * * . . . . .]
7. JUMPING OFF BY DUMB LUCK
WHERE: Located outside the Red Witch's Tower.
OCCURS: If you avoided the Red Witch's ramming attacks, but miss jumping onto
one statue OR the Red Witch.
DESCRIPTION: Lance goes off to the edge of the tower, and tries waiting for the
witch to arrive; he tries jumping onto the statue, but misses in a
clumsy move and falls down screaming before his body crashes onto
the floor.
MY THOUGHTS: This is the same frightening scene that we saw as when we tried
entering the elevator BEFORE beating the bosses, only to find that
there IS no elevator. Still too frightening, but falling down
with a splat? That's gonna leave a mark.
GRUESOME FACTOR: (6/10) [* * * * * * . . . .]
8. A LITTLE CRASH IN THE WALL
WHERE: Occurs outside the tower of the Red Witch.
OCCURS: If you don't get off the witch's broom after riding it along.
DESCRIPTION: As Lance steers the Red Witch off hoping to defeat her, they both
accidentally ram into the wall of the castle and crash with a
splat, and both hats flutter off their heads slowly while creepy
descending guitar music plays on and their bodies still remain on
the wall.
MY THOUGHTS: Seriously, what was that? It's a bit creepy and disturbing when
both Lance and the witch crash into the wall together, but even
a bit disturbing is when her arm is on his back as if they were in
love... or in deathly love, at least. A bit funny, but disturbing
nonetheless.
GRUESOME FACTOR: (5/10) [* * * * * . . . . .]
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
†2.6. The Maze Scenario (I)†
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
1. DEATH FROM THE BALCONY
WHERE: Located in the balcony near the garden.
OCCURS: If you don't jump off the balcony and enter the maze.
DESCRIPTION: As Lance hears a growl and looks behind him, Fritz pounces on him
and tackles him, tearing off his clothing like a maniac, and they
both fall off the balcony; and Lance's voice is heard screaming as
he plunges to his impending demise while his cap flies off a bit
before it falls down with him.
MY THOUGHTS: Dude! This death is a bit shocking, to say the least. Not a
family-friendly death, but hey, at least it's not graphic, right?
GRUESOME FACTOR: (6/10) [* * * * * * . . . .]
2. WHICH WAY? ALL OF THEM
WHERE: Located in one part of the maze.
OCCURS: If you hesitate on which way to go.
DESCRIPTION: While Lance is looking wondering where to go, Fritz quickly
approaches him from behind, then uses both hooks to trisect Lance,
making his three pieces collapse in a messy heap before Fritz
smiles in glee.
MY THOUGHTS: Still the same old three-way spilt thing that we saw in the
Crossroads. Still not my way of describing it as kid-friendly, so
why bother?
GRUESOME FACTOR: (8/10) [* * * * * * * * . .]
3. ENSNARED BY A TEMPTING VINE
WHERE: Located in another part of the maze.
OCCURS: If you hesitate on which way to go or if you go the wrong way.
DESCRIPTION: As Lance looks around, there is a vine that creeps up behind him.
He quickly turns around, but notices that the vine has passed him.
Still confused with a "Huh?" he turns back around and sees the
vine close to him, in a surprise attack, the vine quickly wraps
around him. Before he knows what's happening, the vine squeezes
him, binding his chest and arms, then pulls him off to his
imminent demise.
MY THOUGHTS: Dude! WTH?! That vine sure confuses us, but the way the vine
wraps around Lance and entangles him is downright horrifying!
Nothing gross so far, but hey, at least the vine didn't rip him to
shreds or anything. Otherwise, this scene is very baffling to us.
GRUESOME FACTOR: (6/10) [* * * * * * . . . .]
4. EATEN BY AN AMPHIBIAN
WHERE: Located in any part of the maze.
OCCURS: If you hesitate on which way to go or if you go the wrong way.
DESCRIPTION: As Lance looks around in confusion, suddenly a strange tongue
wraps around his neck, chokes him with his face in discoloration,
and pulls him away from the scene. Camera then moves to a giant
frog, which then burps out Lance's hat, indicating one thing: Our
hero has just been eaten up by a man-eating frog.
MY THOUGHTS: Yow! This frog has just swallowed Lance, and there is no sign of
anything graphic or grisly. However, the way the frog's tongue
chokes him up before he gets pulled away and eaten is really
frightening. Not in the least bit kid-friendly.
GRUESOME FACTOR: (6/10) [* * * * * * . . . .]
5. A LITERAL DEAD END
WHERE: Located in any part of the maze.
OCCURS: If you go the wrong way.
DESCRIPTION: As Lance runs off to what he thinks is the exit, the two silver
gates suddenly close behind him. He then finds out that he ran
into a dead end, then notices a vine approaching before he runs to
the locked gate with a scream and grabs the bars in an attempt to
open the gate, all in vain. Just then the vine grabs him by the
neck and pulls him into the deadly hedge of thorns.
MY THOUGHTS: This is pretty frightening. Going to what you think is the exit,
only to find that there is no way out before the vine pulls you
into unseen death by the hedge of thorns... this is downright
scary! Pretty close to gruesome, but no cigar, though this
frightening scene will be implanted in children's brains.
GRUESOME FACTOR: (5/10) [* * * * * . . . . .]
6. AN ANATOMIZING SNARE
WHERE: Located in any part of the maze.
OCCURS: If you hesitate on which way to go or if you go the wrong way
DESCRIPTION: As Lance starts moving around, all of a sudden another vine comes
near him. He quickly stops and tries running away, but the vine
quickly grabs him by the neck like a crack of the whip, and pulls
his entire skeleton off of his body, causing his empty, lifeless
skin, eyes and clothing to flop onto the ground.
MY THOUGHTS: WHAAAAAAAATTT?! W! T! HHHHHHHHHH!!! This is so horrifying AND
gruesome! A deadly vine that can rip your entire skeleton off of
your body... *shudder* I'm totally at a loss for words now. :o
Seriously, that gruesome, traumatizing image is gonna implant into
children's brains and haunt them for AGES! Not a pretty sight at
all.
GRUESOME FACTOR: (10/10) [* * * * * * * * * *]
7. A DEADLY, SPIKY END
WHERE: Located in one part of the maze.
OCCURS: If you go down on the wrong way.
DESCRIPTION: Lance runs down to what he thinks is the right path, and then,
without warning, a trap door opens up from underneath him, and he
falls down screaming, leaving his cap behind. A burst of leaves
comes flying upward before they fall along with the cap, and the
scene cuts to... a pit of deadly spikes, with his hair and his
baseball cap caught up in them and totally damaged and pierced, as
all that remains of our hero.
MY THOUGHTS: *Shudder* Oooohhh... This... what more do I have to say? This is
truly horrifying. I'm at a loss for words. Getting impaled by a
pit of spikes... This image will burn into children's brains for
years to come. Again, not a pretty sight at all. O_O
GRUESOME FACTOR: (10/10) [* * * * * * * * * *]
8. A DEADLY SNAKEBITE
WHERE: Located in another part of the maze.
OCCURS: If you hesitate on which way to go.
DESCRIPTION: If you have already seen the death scene with the creepy
centipede, you know the drill: A giant snake coils around Lance,
who sees creature hiss, screams, and tries getting away; snake
bites off his head and swallows it, but this time the cap flies
off his head and lands onto the snake's for comedic effect, just
before the snake bites off the head.
MY THOUGHTS: I'm still in the same shock as when the centipede had bitten off
Lance's head. At least his cap flies in fright onto the snake's
head for comedy relief, but still, this whole thing is so wretched
and traumatizing, kinda reminiscent of "Resident Evil".
DEFINITELY not a kid-friendly death.
GRUESOME FACTOR: (8/10) [* * * * * * * * . .]
9. A BAD MUSHROOM SAMBA TRIP
WHERE: Located in another part of the maze.
OCCURS: If you go the wrong way.
DESCRIPTION: As Lance runs to what he thinks is the right way, scene cuts to
mushrooms with skulls on their caps against a hedge wall. As he
walks closer, the mushrooms suddenly jump up in front of him, and
he gets confused on what's going on. One of them bounces up, and
at first the music gets all so cute and cuddly for a short
while... but then the mushroom looks at him and gets into a bit of
a snarl, and our hero quickly braces himself as the mushroom
explodes into spores that cover his entire body, which turns
purple with a poisonous effect before tiny mushrooms sprout onto
his fingers, then his arms, and finally his whole body.
MY THOUGHTS: Dude! Seriously, just WTH? This scene looks so hilariously bad,
it kinda looks like a fantasy mushroom version of an acid trip,
done entirely by someone who's on LSD. This mushroom scene is
either teaching kids to do drugs, or it looks more like it's
showing them what will happen to a child if s/he eats way too much
magic mushrooms or... in other words... takes too much LSD. For
me, this funny mushroom scene is kinda leaning toward the latter,
though it may get in the wrong age and make it lean toward the
former. My advice to you kids, in the words of Mr. Mackey from
"South Park": "Shrooms are baaad, mmmmmkay?" XD
GRUESOME FACTOR: (5/10) [* * * * * . . . . .]
10. IN ONE HEDGE AND OUT THE OTHER SIDE
WHERE: Located in another part of the maze.
OCCURS: If you go the wrong way.
DESCRIPTION: As Lance takes the wrong path, he accidentally runs toward the
hedge wall and goes in with a yelp... and quickly comes back out
as a skeleton with a hat and hair and bits of torn clothing, who
give out the last "Owww!" before what is left of him collapses
onto the floor.
MY THOUGHTS: WHAT?! O_O WTH?! This is just so gruesome and so wrong on so
many levels! I'm so speechless, words can't describe how
hilariously shocked I am about this scene. This one should leave
a bad influence onto children's brains and leave a lasting
impression for generations. Add this one as another on the list
of family-unfriendly deaths.
GRUESOME FACTOR: (9/10) [* * * * * * * * * .]
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
†2.7. The Giant Statue Scenario (II)†
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
1. A DEADLY ACID TRAP
WHERE: Located near the entrance of the garden of the Giant Statue.
OCCURS: If you don't jump off any of the collapsing tiles on a vat of acid.
DESCRIPTION: As the acid forms underneath one of the ground tiles Lance is
standing on, he wobbles on and loses his balance, then falls into
acid trap with a splash that makes the tile fly before it lands
onto him, crushing him. Camera cuts to the ground of acid seeping
out, with his hands rising in vain from the acid: one of them
clutching one tile, the other twitching a bit before becoming
still, with his cap fluttering down onto his now-lifeless hand.
MY THOUGHTS: Dear God... This... is very, truly horrifying. This is exactly
like the close-up of the hands I saw in one Game Informer magazine
back in 1996. It made me feel queasy as a teen before, and it
still makes me queasy and nauseous even now. This is a terrifying
scene that is not something kids will want to see. :P
GRUESOME FACTOR: (9/10) [* * * * * * * * * .]
2. A DIP IN THE FOUNTAIN OF DEATH
WHERE: Located in the acid fountain in the garden of the Giant Statue.
OCCURS: If you don't grab onto a gargoyle statue on the fountain of acid.
DESCRIPTION: As the ground of acid forms underneath the tile Lance is standing
on, he wobbles and loses his balance, then falls into the fountain
of acid below. Scene cuts to the bubbling acid in the fountain,
in which his cap and skull and bits of his hair are all that's
left of him as it floats away.
MY DESCRIPTION: This is pretty much a bit worse than when Lance fell into an
acid trap under the collapsing ground tiles. The way the acid
washes the flesh off of his bones and his head... that's gonna
leave a big black mark on children who play this game. Not a
pretty sight at all.
GRUESOME FACTOR: (10/10) [* * * * * * * * * *] [tied]
3. HELLO, GOODBYE
WHERE: Located in the acid fountain in the garden of the Giant Statue.
OCCURS: If you grabbed onto the gargoyle statue but remain on it for too long.
DESCRIPTION: As Lance clutches onto the statue, he says to it, "Hiya, pal,"
before its eyes glow red, and without warning, it spits acid on
him, washing away his flesh and turning him into a skeleton with
his fleshy arms and his cap on, still clutching onto the statue.
MY THOUGHTS: Dude! WTH? This is so hilarious and horrifying at the same time!
Lance suddenly says, "Hiya, pal," to a statue for no reason, and
then, this suddenly becomes "Dude, not funny!" This is so
hilariously bad. Teens might find it as funny nightmare fuel, but
kids, on the other hand, should just stay away from this scene. :P
GRUESOME FACTOR: (8/10) [* * * * * * * * . .]
4. MISSED ME YET?
WHERE: Located in the acid fountain in the garden of the Giant Statue.
OCCURS: If you don't dodge the next wave of acid-spitting gargoyles.
DESCRIPTION: As Lance sees more gargoyle statues about to spit acid, he gets
surprised and dodges the first acid attack, then gets back up with
a "Hah!" and blows a raspberry at them with his tongue; but then
another spray of acid hits his face, revealing a hideous skull
where his tongue-sticking head used to be, before his lower jaw
drops open and falls down to the ground.
MY THOUGHTS: Oh, God, this is very awful and hideous. Sure, this scene gets
funny within the first few seconds, but then, it suddenly gets not
so funny and WAY TOO GRUESOME and traumatizing for children.
Kinda like a lesson to kids about what happens when they stick out
their tongue at other people. DEFINITELY not a funny sight at
all, IMO. :P
GRUESOME FACTOR: (9/10) [* * * * * * * * * .]
5. CLOSE TO THE TOP, BUT NO CIGAR
WHERE: Located in the bottom half of the acid fountain near the Giant Statue.
OCCURS: If you don't time your swinging jumps just right.
DESCRIPTION: As Lance grabs onto the pole and somersaults up, he makes a clumsy
move and launches upward, but then his bottom hits the tall pole
and he makes a clumsy landing, hitting himself head first and
going into a concussion before he falls into the acid below.
MY THOUGHTS: Ouch! That DEFINITELY must have hurt! And to add insult to
injury, he plunges into the acid pool below! DEFINITELY not a
pretty sight. Scratch that one again off the list of kid-friendly
deaths. O_O :P
GRUESOME FACTOR: (7/10) [* * * * * * * . . .]
6. WASHED AWAY BY ACID VOMIT
WHERE: Located at the top of the fountain.
OCCURS: If you don't avoid the Giant Statue's vomit attacks.
DESCRIPTION: If you already saw the death scene with the acid-breathing dragon,
you know the drill: Giant Statue vomits out acid on the frightened
Lance, washing his flesh off and revealing his skeleton with his
hat on, still standing with his arms raised up high.
MY THOUGHTS: Uuuuggghhh! Still gruesome after that death scene with the dragon
in the Trophy Room, and this looks exactly like the one I saw in
Game Informer magazine back in 1996. Still traumatizing, still
gruesome, and still grisly, and STILL not something kids will want
to see. Add that AGAIN to the list of family-unfriendly deaths.
GRUESOME FACTOR: (9/10) [* * * * * * * * * .]
7. SKEWERED LIKE A SHISHKABOB
WHERE: Located at the top of the fountain.
OCCURS: If you don't avoid the Giant Statue's javelin attack.
DESCRIPTION: As the Giant Statue plunges its javelin downward, Lance gives out
a scream of fright before the javelin's pointy end hits his chest
and knocks him down to the ground, propelling his legs and feet up
into the air, and at once his foot twitches before becoming still.
MY THOUGHTS: OUCH! Again!!! Just W.T.H.?! O_O Seeing Lance get impaled by a
giant javelin must have been VERY traumatizing and horrid! This
is NOT a very pretty death scene your kids will want to see. Add
THAT one yet AGAIN to the list of family-unfriendly deaths as
"horrific". :P
GRUESOME FACTOR: (9/10) [* * * * * * * * * .]
8. JUMPED TOO LATE
WHERE: Located at the top of the fountain.
OCCURS: If you don't climb up onto the Giant Statue in the right way.
DESCRIPTION: As Lance tries getting onto the Giant Statue while trying to avoid
its javelin attacks, he tries getting onto the javelin, but too
late, as it lifts up again before he could reach it, and he grabs
onto air before knocking his head onto hard stone and falling off
into the acid fountain below.
MY THOUGHTS: WTH?! This is so weird and hilariously bad, as Lance has just
made a bad move. Definitely the same old "adding insult to
injury". Scratch that one yet again off the list of kid-friendly
deaths. :P
GRUESOME FACTOR: (7/10) [* * * * * * * . . .]
9. SQUISHED LIKE A BUG
WHERE: Located on the head of the Giant Statue.
OCCURS: If you don't grab the wires that connect to the power source jewel.
This will also occur after you grab the wires, but remain on its head
too long.
DESCRIPTION: As Lance is lying still for a moment, all of a sudden the Giant
Statue uses its hand to smack its head, crushing him. It then
pulls its hand away and sees Lance as flat as a pancake on its
hand, then smears his... let's just say... paint mess... on its
chest.
MY THOUGHTS: UUUUGGGGGHHHHH!!! *Barf* So horrifying and gruesome at the same
time! Our hero has DEFINITELY become a Lance sandwich, but...
getting smeared like paint?! Yuckarooney! Barf City! Totally
out of hand and not a pretty sight at all! This one will leave a
lasting im-PRESS-ion on children! (Again with the pretty lame pun.
:P )
GRUESOME FACTOR: (10/10) [* * * * * * * * * *] [tied]
10. MISSED IT BY THAT MUCH
WHERE: Located at the top of the Giant Statue.
OCCURS: If you avoided getting crushed by the Giant Statue but don't cling onto
the javelin.
DESCRIPTION: Lance tries jumping onto the hilt of the javelin again after
avoiding the Giant Statue's hand, but misses and falls down
screaming into the acid fountain... again... with a splash.
MY THOUGHTS: This is the same as trying to jump onto the javelin for the first
time, but without knocking his head onto hard stone. Still, this
is a little more frightening, and definitely not good at all.
GRUESOME FACTOR: (8/10) [* * * * * * * * . .]
11. FLUNG INTO THE JAWS OF DEATH
WHERE: Located at the top of the Giant Statue.
OCCURS: If you cling onto the hilt of the giant javelin for too long.
DESCRIPTION: As Lance clings onto the javelin's hilt, it gives a violent shake
and catapults him off, sending him screaming and flying as the
inside of his mouth and tonsils move closer to the camera. Scene
cuts back to the maze, which now has a giant yellow venus flytrap,
which gets up and sees Lance flying closer and rubs its leafy
hands together, then goes in for the kill as he gets flung into
the jaws of the plant, which snap shut before it swallows him with
a gulp and licks its lips as its meal is complete before going
back into the maze.
MY THOUGHTS: Dude! This is way past horrifying and VERY scary in my opinion.
That plant looks a bit like Audrey in "Little Shop of Horrors",
but being swallowed up by the plant after making it this far is
very sick, gruesome, and too horrifying for kids to see. Once
again, not a very pretty sight to see! O_O
GRUESOME FACTOR: (9/10) [* * * * * * * * * .]
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
†2.8. Fritz's Grand Stairway†
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
NOTE: This and the Brain Chamber can only be accessed AFTER you have beaten all
four of the sub-bosses before going onto the elevator in either Skull Hallway.
1. THE LAST LAUGH
WHERE: Located at the bottom of the Grand Stairway.
OCCURS: After Fritz falls off the long stairway, but you do not grab the sword.
DESCRIPTION: As Lance laughs at the long trek that Fritz falls off the stairs,
our hero suddenly stops as he wonders what to do to attack Fritz.
Suddenly, the little imp comes up from behind him and... jumps up
and uses both hooks to trisect him, making his three pieces
collapse in a messy heap before Fritz smiles in glee.
MY THOUGHTS: Dude! This looks exactly like the same three-way split Fritz has
made in any part of the Crossroads and in the Fireplace, and also
in the maze. Again, not my way of describing death as
"family-friendly"! As usual, not something your kids will want to
see. :P
GRUESOME FACTOR: (8/10) [* * * * * * * * . .]
2. THE GRAND STAIRWAY CHAINSAW MASSACRE
WHERE: Located at the bottom of the Grand Stairway.
OCCURS: After you grab the sword but don't know what to do with it against
Fritz.
DESCRIPTION: Lance is confused about when to attack Fritz, so he acts brave and
... makes a stupid move by using his "talk to the hand" position
in an attempt to make Fritz stop. Unfortunately, that is a stupid
mistake, as Fritz's chainsaw arm slices into our hero, and pieces
of his skin and clothing and paint mess fly and land onto the
camera lens, covering it up completely. Scene then cuts to Fritz,
covered in Lance's eyeballs, skin pieces and baseball cap, right
next to our hero's still standing bottom half, still with his
pieces all over the floor, and then, the hunchbacked little imp
rapidly shakes them all off with a smile and a victorious laugh.
MY THOUGHTS: Baaarrrrrfffff!!! So messy! What a truly messy death scene!
Seriously, WTH?! Fritz has truly massacred Lance with a chainsaw!
And the truly gross part of it is his body parts, skin pieces and
clothing pieces covering up the camera lens! It could have been
bloody, you know, but... again... *barfs again offscreen*
Uugghhh! This is a truly gruesome death scene that your kids
DEFINITELY don't want to see! :P :P :P :P :P
GRUESOME FACTOR: (10/10) [* * * * * * * * * *]
3. KNOCKED OFF THE STAIRS
WHERE: Located on the first or fourth flight of stairs.
OCCURS: If you don't fend off against the pickaxe- (or hammer) wielding Fritz
and his attacks.
DESCRIPTION: As Lance wonders what to do, Fritz suddenly knocks him off the
stairs with his pickaxe, making him lose his mace and fall down
onto the ground with a splat.
MY THOUGHTS: Okay, this is a bit disturbing. Getting knocked off the stairs
and breaking your neck in the fall... ouch! That one's gonna make
kids feel bad in the morning. :P
GRUESOME FACTOR: (5/10) [* * * * * . . . . .]
4. A SLICE OF BRAIN DAMAGE
WHERE: Located on the second or fifth flight of stairs.
OCCURS: If you don't fend off against the sword- (or razor) wielding Fritz.
DESCRIPTION: As Lance tries to fend off against Fritz, the hunchbacked little
imp jumps up behind him and cuts off his crown with a swish of his
blade. Lance then goes into shock before Fritz returns, and then
his crown and scalp fall off onto the floor, revealing his
damaged brain that farts as Fritz looks up in glee.
MY THOUGHTS: Again, uuuggghhh! This is somehow a little bit better than
getting mutilated by a chainsaw, but then... the damaged brain's
farts... ugh! Barf! Truly sickening in my opinion. Again, not
something your kids truly want to see. Scratch that one off the
list of kid-friendly deaths. :P :P :P
GRUESOME FACTOR: (9/10) [* * * * * * * * * .]
5. WEARING YOU AS THE VICTIM
WHERE: Located on any flight of stairs.
OCCURS: If you don't fend off against the weapon-wielding Fritz.
DESCRIPTION: Lance holds the weapon, and he and Fritz clash at each other; but
then the imp lifts up his hook hand to our hero's surprise, then
uses it to pierce though his forehead and pull it off, scalping
him and making him go into shock before he falls down with a dying
groan; and afterwards Fritz wears our hero's scalp as a hat in
glee.
MY THOUGHTS: This is definitely gross. Somehow it sets a precedent for "Kirby
Super Star" in which Kirby can eat up special enemies and wear
their hats. But Fritz is no Kirby, and this is NOT cute, and this
is not funny... well, it may be funny only for those over age 12,
but still... The rest of those kids who play it will get disturbed
for YEARS! In other words, THIS is not something they want to
see! -_-
GRUESOME FACTOR: (8/10) [* * * * * * * * . .]
6. SPLIT IN HALF
WHERE: Located on the third flight of stairs.
OCCURS: If you fight off Fritz for a bit but don't make the correct moves.
DESCRIPTION: As both hero and nemesis clash, Fritz make a move and slices Lance
in half, and both halves fall off the stairs as Fritz watches.
MY THOUGHTS: Dude! THIS is very sick, but not as sick as the next move that I
will describe below. Definitely not something kids will want to
see, as it is a bit gruesome for my taste.
GRUESOME FACTOR: (8/10) [* * * * * * * * . .]
7. FALLING INTO PIECES (OR, ALL FALL DOWN)
WHERE: Located on the third flight of stairs.
OCCURS: If you fight off Fritz for a bit but don't make the correct moves.
DESCRIPTION: As both hero and nemesis clash, Fritz knocks the hockey stick off
Lance's hands, making him defenseless, and then, with a few
slashes of the axe, our hero's legs fall off the stairs first,
followed by his torso and bottom half, and then his abdomen and
arms, and finally his head, as his pieces all fall down; Fritz
meanwhile, watches him fall in pieces, and then gives off a smile
of glee and laughter.
MY THOUGHTS: Oh, dear God... poor Lance! His dying whine as he gets hacked
into pieces... not a pretty sound. And his pieces all fall apart
... how sickening! Not something kids will want to see OR hear,
as the dying whine will give them nightmares for ages!
GRUESOME FACTOR: (9/10) [* * * * * * * * * .]
8. A SURPRISE TACKLE
WHERE: Located on the third flight of stairs.
OCCURS: If you beat Fritz but don't get off.
DESCRIPTION: After Lance smashes Fritz with a hockey stick, the little imp
suddenly recovers and looks at him, then tackles him down the
stairs into unseen death.
MY THOUGHTS: This is definitely not the way to describe it as family-friendly
death! I mean, getting tackled down the stairs after beating
Fritz? This is pretty lame, but not gruesome. Still not good at
all.
GRUESOME FACTOR: (4/10) [* * * * . . . . . .]
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
†2.9. The Final Confrontation†
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
1. TURNED INTO SWISS CHEESE
WHERE: Located in the Brain Chamber.
OCCURS: If you don't think fast on what to do or where to move. Also occurs if
you don't make your dance poses, pick up the eyeballs, or use them on
Fritz.
DESCRIPTION: As Lance panics and wonders what to do now, Fritz charges at him
while shooting, and his bullets pierce through Lance's forehead
first, and then all over his body, consuming all of it until he is
reduced to nothing but his eyeballs, which fall onto the floor.
MY THOUGHTS: Dude! What a horrible way to die in the darkness. Seriously,
getting shot full of holes until your body is nothing but your
eyeballs? That's gonna leave a mark on children's heads. (Once
more with the bad pun! :P )
GRUESOME FACTOR: (9/10) [* * * * * * * * * .]
2. THE FINAL HURRAH
WHERE: Located in the darkness that remains of the Brain Chamber.
OCCURS: After you have defeated Dr. Neurosis and Fritz, but BEFORE you escape
the collapsing lair.
DESCRIPTION: Having finally defeated his long-sought nemesis, Lance becomes
frightened that the lair is crumbling and collapsing. As he looks
around in trying to escape, a crack is heard, and then a piano
suddenly falls on top of him, crushing him with a piano key crash
that causes cracks in the black floor.
MY THOUGHTS: After so many pains of so many gruesome death scenes, you defeat
the final boss and think you may have finally beaten the game,
only to have the piano come crashing down on you as a final
insult. To quote the Angry Video Game Nerd: "That's it? I came
through all this torture just to be given the middle finger
salute?!" At least it's a little less gruesome than being shot
into swiss cheese, and it may be funny, but still, this does not
look good.
GRUESOME FACTOR: (4/10) [* * * * . . . . . .]
# 3. Resurrection Scenes #
Of course, no game like Brain Dead 13 would be complete without coupling death
scenes with these counters: scenes of resurrection. Like the Dragon's Lair
series and Space Ace before it, Brain Dead 13 has quite many of them that
indicate that you have to start where you left off if you die at certain
levels, no matter how grisly or gruesome the deaths are. So once again, I'll
point out the terminology of resurrections that will be used in this guide:
[#]. [NAME]: The number and the name of a resurrection scene in order.
OCCURS IF LANCE DIES IN: A place the resurrection scene occurs.
DESCRIPTION: The description of the scene explained in detail, whether nice or
a bit eerie.
MY THOUGHTS: The thoughts that occur to me after seeing the scene, be they okay
or just plain miraculous.
MIRACLE FACTOR: The rating that you see in crosses from one to ten in these
resurrection scenes, with one being "Meh, pretty unamusing",
five being "Pretty exciting, but I wanted more than that", and
ten being "Wow! Just... plain... amazing! :o"
Without further ado, the resurrection scenes.
1. BASIC RESURRECTION 1: ARISE FROM YOUR COFFIN
OCCURS IF LANCE DIES IN: Some death scenes in the Crossroads and some haunted
rooms.
DESCRIPTION: In a purple screen, dirt suddenly rises up, and a wooden coffin
emerges in an upright position. Then bits of wood fly out as the
coffin opens up, and out comes Lance, miraculously resurrected and
all in one piece, in a joyful "ta-daa!" pose, with the forwards
baseball cap on his head. He flips his cap backwards in the right
position, then makes a posing armfold with a smile.
MY THOUGHTS: Wow. I can see that Lance is miraculously in one piece. I have
seen other people arise from their graves as zombies in most
zombie movies, but this basic "arise from your grave" scene is
pretty miraculous. Otherwise, it's basically okay.
MIRACLE FACTOR: (5/10) [† † † † † . . . . .]
2. BASIC RESURRECTION 2: THE FLAMES OF REBIRTH
OCCURS IF LANCE DIES IN: Other death scenes in the Crossroads and in haunted
rooms.
DESCRIPTION: In a midnight blue screen, pillars of fire start to form, and soon
the fire grows more bright, until it reforms Lance's body. Our
hero then jumps out of the flames, clearing them right up to his
hands, then makes a "ta-daa!" pose with his glowing, fiery hands
as the last of the flames blow away. Now good as new again, he
turns his baseball cap backwards in the right position, then, with
a smile, makes a posing armfold.
MY THOUGHTS: Wow! This "flames of rebirth" scene captivates me. Somehow, it
reminds me of the story of the Phoenix, which is an ancient and
well known symbol of death and rebirth and portrayed as a magical
bird made of living flames; the story says that when a Phoenix
reaches the end of its life, it would make a cinnamon stick nest
and immolate itself with fire, and from the ashes a new Phoenix is
reborn. This could explain the "fiery" resurrection scene that
Lance, like a Phoenix, can rise from the ashes of defeat and start
over. Pretty weird but interesting. Overall, this is pretty cool
IMO.
MIRACLE FACTOR: (8/10) [† † † † † † † † . .]
3. BOLT OF DIVINE REANIMATION
OCCURS IF LANCE DIES IN: Moose's Scenario.
DESCRIPTION: In a black-and-sky-blue screen, some thunderbolts strike down, and
as they hit the ground, there is a puff of smoke, and Lance
reappears, completely healthy and undamaged, with his baseball cap
in a forward position; as usual, he jumps forward and gives out a
"ta-daa!" pose, then turns his cap back in the right position and
gives out a smile and an armfold.
MY THOUGHTS: This resurrection scene somehow reminds me of many "Frankenstein"
movies, in which thunderbolts are needed for Frankenstein's
monster to charge up and come to life. The way I see thunderbolts
come down, it must have been as though Lance has been sent down
from heaven to get another shot at the scenario. How miraculous,
in my opinion.
MIRACLE FACTOR: (9/10) [† † † † † † † † † .]
4. AN EMERGENCY BLOOD TRANSFUSION
OCCURS IF LANCE DIES IN: Vivi's Funeral Salon.
DESCRIPTION: In a light turquoise screen, Lance is standing there as the thin,
shriveled, skeletal mummy-like corpse who had been drained of
blood, his baseball cap in a forward position and his eyes closed,
as though in a deathly sleep. Just then, an emergency blood
transfusion bag quickly wheels in as if by magic, then stops next
to him, sticks its syringe into his buttocks as his body and head
bend over slightly a bit, then injects the blood into his body,
inflating him like a balloon and rehydrating him. The rehydration
bounces the transfusion bag off of his body, and, now fully
revived, he walks in front and makes a "ta-daa!" pose; then, as
usual, turns his cap back in the right position, then makes a
smile and an armfold.
MY THOUGHTS: At first, the first few seconds of the resurrection scene are very
creepy and icky. Seriously, Lance standing out as thin as a husk
of a body. And then, when the red transfusion bag sticks its
syringe needle into his buttocks, I was like, "Okay, that's just
gross! :P" But then, when all the blood is brought back into his
body, I was like, "Woooowwwwww! This is one true miracle of the
blood transfusion! :o" I'm still in awe and amazement. This is
the resurrection scene that truly captivates! I'd like to give it
a perfect ten, except that the first few seconds of ickyness takes
one point away from it, so a nine will do. :D
MIRACLE FACTOR: (9/10) [† † † † † † † † † .]
5. THE MAGIC JACK-O-LANTERN
OCCURS IF LANCE DIES IN: One of the rooms of the Twin Witches.
DESCRIPTION: In a black screen, a jack-o-lantern flies out of nowhere with an
eerie laugh, and then it crashes onto the floor with a POOF!,
emitting a cloud of smoke, which clears away to reveal our man
Lance, newly-revived with a forwards baseball cap. As usual, he
gives out a "ta-daa!" pose, then turns his cap in the right
position and gives out a smile and an armfold.
MY THOUGHTS: All I can say is... wow! Miracles can continue to amaze me, but
this is the one I've seen. As far as I can tell, jack-o-lanterns
are said to have magical powers in the old days, but this one is
powerful enough for a miracle. Also good enough for occasions on
Halloween. :)
MIRACLE FACTOR: (9/10) [† † † † † † † † † .]
6. A DI-VINE INTERVENTION
OCCURS IF LANCE DIES IN: The Garden Maze.
DESCRIPTION: In a violet-red screen, two vines move in and quickly intertwine
with each other, then they close in and bunch up together, and
there is a bulge as the vines reform Lance's body, which bursts
out with an "Oh yeah!" and a "ta-daa!" pose. Once again, as
usual, he turns the forward baseball cap backwards in the right
position and gives out a smile and a posing armfold.
MY THOUGHTS: Wow! This is one resurrection scene that concerns nature. Two
vines intertwining and reforming Lance's body... talk about a
di-vine resurrection! (Sorry for the bad pun.) And this is the
first time he says, "Oh yeah!" in a resurrection scene! Overall,
very interesting. :)
MIRACLE FACTOR: (7/10) [† † † † † † † . . .]
7. THE CLAY OF LIFE
OCCURS IF LANCE DIES IN: The Giant Statue Scenario.
DESCRIPTION: In a dark yellow screen, what looks like green mud pours down,
forming Lance's feet first, and going up to his entire body, which
is now all covered in some green goopy mud at first; and then,
Lance splashes out of the mud with an "Oh yeah!" and a "ta-daa!"
pose. Once again, he twists his foward baseball cap backwards in
the right posistion and gives out a smile and a posing armfold.
MY THOUGHTS: This acid-pouring thing forming Lance's body is a bit creepy at
first... but then I noticed that it turns out to be green mud...
or something like that, in some G minor chord. (You know, I was
gonna call it "The Waters of Rebirth", but this green liquid is a
bit too muddy to be water, in my opinion.) And then... the G
minor chord turns into a miraculous G major chord, as Lance
emerges, whole and undamaged! Alleluia! This looks so pretty. I
am calling the green mud "clay", because I notice in Wikipedia
that mud is likened to clay. Somehow it reminds me of how God
formed Adam out of the mud and clay and blew the breath of life
into him in the Book of Genesis... which may explain this scene,
but then again, that's just me.
MIRACLE FACTOR: (9/10) [† † † † † † † † † .]
8. PUTTING YOUR PIECES BACK TOGETHER
OCCURS IF LANCE DIES IN: Fritz's Grand Stairway.
DESCRIPTION: In an orange screen, Lance's shoes fall onto the floor, and then
bits and pieces of him fall down and reconnect each other, first
his legs, then his torso, then his abdomen and chest, then his
arms, then his neck, and finally his head and his baseball cap in
a forward position, reforming his entire body. As usual, he walks
in and gives out a "ta-daa!" pose, then turns his cap back in the
right position and makes a smile and an armfold.
MY THOUGHTS: Wow. This is pretty creepy and amazing. Lance's pieces are
coming together like building blocks, and reforming his entire
body with a "boing"! A little creepy at first, but otherwise
okay.
MIRACLE FACTOR: (6/10) [† † † † † † . . . .]
9. ILLUMINATING THE DARKNESS OF DEATH
OCCURS IF LANCE DIES IN: The final confrontation in the Brain Chamber.
DESCRIPTION: In an entirely black screen, creepy purple CGI floor circles light
up the darkness, and then a cool blue light laser beams up,
reanimating Lance's body; as the blue light fades off, it reveals
our newly-reanimated hero with his cap in a forward position.
Once again, he jumps out of the light circles and makes a "ta-
daa!" pose; and once more he turns his cap back in the right
position, then gives off a smile and an armfold.
MY THOUGHTS: We've saved the best for last, and this... this is THE best
resurrection animation scene ever! Wow! And it's even done in
CGI animation too! When our hero is beamed up in resurrection, it
takes my breath away. And I'm too speechless for words on how
this miracle is done. Even Quentin Tarantino should be proud of
this. I give it a perfect ten for the computer graphics in this
animation scene. Well done! :)
MIRACLE FACTOR: (10/10) [† † † † † † † † † †]
# 4. Conclusion #
So, in conclusion, I hope that all of these deaths and resurrections are here
enough to give children a lesson. For all of you parents who try to order this
game for video game consoles on Amazon or e-Bay for children aged 6 and up, you
should try not to order them as possible, and try to make them wait until they
are old enough at the age of 12 BEFORE you order this one online, as many of
these death scenes and sexual content the game developers had overlooked back
in 1995 and 1996 are graphic and gruesome enough to traumatize and haunt them
for YEARS, in spite of its K-A rating! Seriously, you need to be a good parent
and teach them how to play games that are age-appropriate for them until they
are old enough to play this game. And as for those of you who own iPads,
iPhones, and iPod Touches and ordered this game, if you are twelve or older, I
hope these death scenes can teach you a valuable lesson to always be careful
and make the right moves next time; and if you are patient and make all the
correct moves, your victory in beating this game will all pay off in the end.
:)
# 5. Updates and Revisions #
Version 1.0:
Mid-October 2012 - Death Scenes FAQ started.
10/28 - Got most of the death scenes on all stages of the game.
10/29 - Resurrection scenes started, but I had to delay it due to Hurricane
Sandy causing the power flickers in our house that night, which is a pain. :(
10/30 - Completed the resurrection scenes, and I think I got all of the death
scenes down. If there's STILL any death scenes I may have missed, please
e-mail me, okay?
10/31 - Death Scenes FAQ finally completed. And just in time for Halloween,
too! Hope these scenes will fascinate you on that spooky night too! :D
# 6. Thanks #
My thanks go out to all the YouTube fans who helped me out in writing this FAQ
by recording the videos of this game and posting them onto YouTube in clips,
without which my game script would not have been possible:
AAVGM87: For all of the deaths in Vivi's Funeral Salon and the Brain Chamber
and most of the deaths in other scenarios.
Frankomatic (Obscure Game Theatre): For the "Missed It By That Much" death
scene in the Giant Statue Scenario and other occurrences in death scenes as
well.
NintendoCult: For most of the death scenes in all scenarios, and some of the
deaths in the rooms of the Twin Witches.
SmashTom: For the rest of the death scenes in the rooms of the Twin Witches and
for the extra death scene in the Maze.
Super8ZX: For the extra occurrence in the death scene at the top of the
Conservatory.
Also, thanks go out to:
Game Informer: For inspiring me to create this "Death Scenes" FAQ and for
making me a little queasy with all pictures of its death scenes when I was a
teen back in 1996. I should know that without that magazine my possibility of
making this FAQ would not have been possible. :D
Wikipedia: For information on the game and its characters.
And special thanks go to the one guy at GameFAQs for helping me out on the FAQ:
TMak, for posting all the right moves and for giving me info on what will
happen if you fail to make a correct move quick enough.
Finally, my thanks go to GameFAQs for hosting the guides and being a great
resource on the Internet; and to all the other in-depth FAQ writers for a good
deal of inspiration! You guys are the best!
Copyright © 2012 by Deborah L. Kearns