Custer's Revenge FAQ Apathetic Aardvark 12/17/2004 Version 1.0 sinenomine@gmail.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Table of Contents ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i. Basics ii. Controls iii. Gameplay iv. Disclaimer v. Credits ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i) Basics ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Before I even begin, allow me to give off this warning. This game is pointless and it is quite disturbing. That having been said, the point of the game is for General Custer, or perhaps it is supposed to be his ghost to move from the left side of the screen to the right side of the screen and insert his large genitalia into hers. A player scores, in more ways than one, when this happens. Custer's enemies include arrows and cactuses [cacti?]. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ii) Controls ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Custer's revenge is designed to be played with the standard joystick. The up and down directions seem to have no function what so ever. Moving left and right causes Custer to walk in that direction. The action button causes Custer to penetrate the Indian woman if she is directly in front of him. The faster the button is mashed, the more insertions Custer makes and the more points Custer gets. There are four different modes to Custer's Revenge. These are changed with the Game Select chooser on the console itself. Game one is for one player and involves only arrows as enemies to Custer. Game two is the same as game one, but allows for alternating players, two of them. Game three introduces the cactus... wooo. Game four is like game three, but is for alternating players, again, only two. Wow, what a tough game! Also, the difficulty switches force the speed to be faster when on "B". However, as I'll mention later, this game being faster in all meanings of the word makes it easier. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- iii) The Enemies & Gameplay ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The enemies are arrows which fall from the sky. They are presumably fired by Indians who do not appreciate Custer raping a woman from the tribe. Why they do not just run over and kill him is anyone’s best guess. Arrows fall in groups of three, pairs, or just one at a time. They disappear around Custer’s neck level, so the only area of his body you need to protect is his head. It is easy enough to fit between arrows without being killed. The other enemies are cactuses. They will impede Custer’s "path" to the Indian woman. The only way to defeat them is to wait until they disappear. If Custer runs into one, he will lose a life in a similar manner as he did when being hit by arrows. After Custer scores fifty times, he will get an extra life. He will get one every fifty points, to a maximum of six; five reserve lives and one current life. Gameplay also speeds up, which if anything actually makes it easier as Custer can get in many more penetrating blows before having to withdraw to dodge some arrows. Since I do not often get the chance to show off my ub3rl33t ASCII skills, I will do so now. Get ready for this ASCII map of all levels! Now, this is how they look when they are just standing still. They both have intercourse poses which are far too difficult for my limited abilities. /^\ / / / O`` <---Woman \ O / <----Custer / / / <----Arrows |`` | \|/ <<" ` | <---Fence + | + " | +++ |/¯ +++ " | + / \ + <---Cactus \ \ | -+--/ \--------------+-------------------------------\ \-- I would like to point out, this game is in the top ten worst games ever according to EGM. However, the creators of the game apparently thought they were making a real game, not something despicable. Here's an excerpt from the game manual I have laying around. "...Video games have been considered by many to be "child's play". But here's a game kids can't play. We at Mystique [TM] feel that it's time for video games and their adult players to come out of the closet, away from the kids, and deal with ADULT fantasies. After all, grown-ups have been known to be imaginative and competitive, as well as have fantasies..." There you have it... *ugh* ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- iv) Disclaimer ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Copyright 2004, Apathetic Aardvark All rights reserved. The following sites have my permission to post this without asking; www.gamefaqs.com www.neoseeker.com Any site, magazine, or other form of media, that is not included on this list caught hosting this guide without my written consent is in violation of copyright laws and will be prosecuted to the full extent of the laws. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- v) Credits ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- GameFAQs - For hosting a guide for what may well be the worst and easily the most disturbing game, ever. This continues my trend of writing for god awful games! Mystique [Swedish Erotica] - For making this game and apparently thinking it would not be the laughing stock of the world some day. Also for use of that great quote from the game manual. ___________________________________ Copyright 2004, Apathetic Aardvark| ¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯